All I Need
by enough-to-let-me-go
Summary: A modern day AU where Fili and Kili live with their Uncle Thorin in modern day Ered Luin as a happy family. But, when the unthinkable happens, will the Durin family stay strong? Or will this new tragedy be enough to tear them apart? Rated T just to be safe. Major sick!Kili and Kili!whump. Plenty of Durin family feels. This is my first story- please read and review! :)
1. Chapter 1

Hello! This is my first fanfiction story. I'm just a college student and within the past year have discovered the amazing thing called "fanfiction." So, while on summer break, I decided that I was going to write one of my own. Some day, I would love to write a book. However, it probably wouldn't be anything like this one haha. So, just bear with me. And feel free to read and review and give me all the hate and love you want- I'll definitely take it into consideration. :)

This story is somewhat personal to me- no, I am not a doctor or have any want to become one. But, I have had a very sick parent and experienced his long journey with him. He is my hero and my best friend- love ya, daddy! His story wasn't exactly the same as this one, but close. So, I used what I've learned from personal experience and most importantly, the amazingness called "Google."

So, enough rambling from me. Please read and I hope you enjoy my ramblings. :)

Thanks for everything! You're awesome.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters in this story. All rights are given to J.R.R. Tolkien for being a fantastic genius and for Peter Jackson's amazing imagination when he makes these into movies.

* * *

><p>"Kili?"<p>

No response.

"Kili? Hello?"

I stretch my arms above my head as I lay on the couch and yawn. My stiff muscles protesting at the all too sudden movement. After helping some of our friends move for the past two days, I had decided to grab a blanket and watch a much needed marathon of _Doctor Who_. Netflix really does save lives. And, of course, after three straight episodes, my tired eyes got the better of me and I took myself a short nap. Well, three hours of sleep still counts as a nap… right?

After we had finished our good deeds for the day, Kili and I had come back home to Thorin's. Our parents died when we were still kids. Kili was four at the time. I was seven, and thirteen years later, I still remember the horror and the emptiness that I had felt when Uncle Thorin had told me about the fire. After a thorough investigation by the police and other authorities, results had shown that an electrical appliance- more specifically, the stove- had been left on during the night, and by no good reason, had decided to burst into flames. My parents' bedroom was located on the second floor, directly above the kitchen. They died within minutes. Kili and I had been at our uncles'. Thorin decided our parents deserved a break from two rambunctious little boys, and had taken us to his place for the weekend. I think for a while, Thorin blamed himself for their deaths. To this day, I cannot understand why, but he did. Maybe it was the pain of losing his only sister? Maybe it was the pain of losing his best friend and brother-in-law? Maybe it was both?

But, thirteen years later, here we were. One big happy family. For the most part, anyway. Thorin tried, he really did, but he honestly didn't know how to completely balance being a surrogate father, friend, uncle, and business man; twenty-four hours a day, three hundred sixty-five days a year. He did his best though. He never married. He always chose me and Kili first. For some reason, the women in his life just couldn't handle the competition for affection between the two of us and her. And, because of that, Thorin had never had a steady girlfriend for a period lasting longer than two and a half months. So, after all these years, it was still just the three of us. But, that's how we liked it.

Pausing my episode of _Doctor Who_, I decide to get up and walk to the kitchen for a glass of water. My legs protest for a few moments, letting the circulation flow through and reawaken my numb limbs. I shake myself, and proceed to walk into the kitchen. I grab a glass from the cabinet above the sink, and fill it with cold water. I take a glance at the clock above the stove and see that it's 7:23 P.M. Wow. No more three hour naps for me.

I place my now empty glass into the sink and decide it is too quiet in the house.

"Kili, you here?" I call once again and am greeted by silence.

I walk out of the kitchen, and turn left down the hall, toward the back door, stopping to grab my shoes along the way.

Opening the door to the backyard, I hear a solid thud as a ball bounces on the pavement. Kili had joined the high school basketball team his freshman year of high school. After an injury to his knee his junior year, he was forced to sit out the remainder of the season. Of course, Kili had decided he could still play ball after only two months of physical therapy. The results were disastrous, and resulted in a re-torn meniscus. Now he was out for life. Still, we couldn't even consider taking away the basketball hoop that stood on the pavement in the backyard. It was Kili's first love.

"Durin goes for the shot- wait, no! He fakes left, and runs it in for a lay-up. And- swish! Sinks it for the two points and the game!" I wave my hands in the air and show my excitement as if I were the proud big brother sitting in the stands.

"Thank you, thank you!" Kili bows dramatically, tossing me the ball.

"Where's Thorin?" I ask as I shoot a free throw. The ball goes wide right, not even hitting the backboard. I'll stick to swimming.

"'Said he was going out with some of the guys tonight. Watching the game at a sports bar or something." Kili informs me.

Thorin wasn't a drunk. In fact, he highly disapproved of alcohol, but some of his friends liked to have a few every now and then, and often Thorin went along as the designated driver. Like tonight.

"Guess he won't be back 'til late then." I say.

"Yeah. I guess so." Kili shoots the ball again. _Swish_.

"Show off."

"What was that?" Kili asks, a curious smirk plastered on his face.

_Note to self: When making sarcastic remarks against brother, think. Don't speak._ "I asked, how long have you been out here?"

Kili chuckled, "Sure ya did." Kili paused to sit on the pavement, and continued, "Not too long actually, maybe thirty minutes. When you decided to take over the living room, I went back to my room, got out my laptop and worked on some of those financial aid applications. College is rather expensive, my dear friend."

As Kili's older brother and best friend, I heard the slight sadness in the undertone. We all had expected for Kili to get a full ride to any number of colleges on a basketball scholarship. "Any luck?"

"Not really. I haven't really decided where I want to spend the next four years."

"I'm sure you'll figure it out soon." I offer my support, as I proceed to sit down beside my brother.

"Ha, you sound so sure of it. You've always had your life planned out, and it's always gone as you had imagined."

He's telling the truth though. I'd always known that I had wanted to join the family business: Oakenshield- Attorney at Law. What should have been a seven year degree, was only going to take me five, after taking many extra hours and surpassing all my fellow students with my ever-increasing GPA. Two years down, three to go. "Maybe," I finally answer. "But, I know everything will work out for you in time."

"Yeah, I guess so." Kili still looks disheartened.

I look up at the sky, now realizing the sun was gone for the day. I look over at my little brother. It's not like him to be this sullen and calm. Something else is bothering him.

"Anything else on your mind?" I ask.

"Wha- no. No, nothing. Wow, it got dark quick." Kili stammers.

I laugh. "Yeah, that happens when the sun sets for the day."

"Shut up," Kili laughs and hits my arm.

"C'mon," I say standing up. "Let's go get something to eat."

"Sounds good," Kili says as he reaches for my hand, allowing me to pull him up.

I walk to the door, and hold it open. As I turn, I notice Kili toss the ball, backwards, to the net. _Swish_.

"It's all in the wrist." Kili says smugly as he walks through the door. I swat the back of his head, and he continues to laugh as we make our way to the kitchen.


	2. Chapter 2

"Kili? Fili? You two awake?"

I hear the front door close and heavy footsteps coming down the hall, toward the living room. "In here," I call.

"I'm back." I look up as Thorin walks through the doorway, and practically collapses into his favorite recliner.

"I'm guessing Bofur and Dwalin had one too many, and their chosen team lost?"

"You forgot Gloin." Yep. Tonight had definitely been too much.

"Where's your brother?" Thorin asks, suppressing a yawn.

"He took a shower then said he was going to bed. Said he'd see you in the morning." I tell Thorin.

After a few moments of no response from Thorin, I look up to find him looking at me with a questioning look on his face. "What happened today?" he asks.

"I don't know," I sigh, frustrated. I turn the television off and face my uncle. "He really didn't say much. Just talked about how he doesn't really know how he's going to spend the next four years."

"And, how much he wishes things had worked out differently with basketball." Thorin adds.

"Yeah." I say. I want to bring up the fact that there was something else bothering him too, but since I had no idea what it was, I didn't say anything else.

"Well, I guess I'm going to bed. See you in the morning," I say, standing up and making my way toward the stairs.

"I think I'll do the same. 'Night, Fili."

"'Night, Uncle."

* * *

><p>"Fee? You awake?"<p>

I feel something shaking my shoulder gently and roll over to see my brother standing beside my bed. I tap my phone to see what time it is- 4:07 AM.

"Kili, what do you want? It's four in the morning!" I growl, pulling a pillow over my head.

"Couldn't sleep." Kili mumbles.

"Yeah, well, some of us were." I look up to see his reaction at my harsh tone and immediately stop. Kili doesn't look good. "Kee, what's wrong?" I sit up and scoot over, motioning for him to sit.

Kili immediately lays down beside me, and before I can ask him to answer my question, he bursts into tears.

I do the only thing I know to do. I gather my little brother into my arms and hold on for dear life as he sobs into my chest. Sleep can wait. Kili needs my help.

* * *

><p>It's a little past 4:30 when Kili's tears finally stop and he becomes quiet. I listen to the soft, even breaths of my little brother and know he has finally fallen asleep. I give him one last gentle squeeze and lay his head on the pillow beside me.<p>

The logical thing would be to get Thorin and tell him what happened. But it's 4:30 AM and I value my life.

So, with that decided, I continue to lay on what is now my half of the bed, and watch my little brother sleep. Ever since the day Kili was born, things had been harder for him. Being born two months early, he was always smaller and had a weak immune system. I can't even begin to count the number of nights Kili has spent in a hospital. Twice he battled pneumonia. We thought we were going to lose him both times, but Kili's a fighter. And we thank God for that.

And, of course, Kili had always been the subject of school bullies because his smaller frame was seen as a weakness. Many times, he would come home from school with a black eye or a busted nose. Thorin would always give the same "defend yourself and end this crap" lecture, while I cleaned up his injuries. Eventually, Kili had snapped and told Thorin that he had tried to defend himself and that had resulted in his broken arm. Thorin lost it with that information, threatening to call the school, the parents, and the police. Kili finally calmed him down when he agreed to take a few self-defense classes. Arresting twelve year olds obviously wasn't an option.

Me, being the older brother I am, decided to do something about it, too. Not telling Kili, Thorin, or anybody else, I made my way down to the junior high one day and personally threatened the boys who had been using my brother as a punching bag. The bullying had nearly stopped after our little talk.

Then came basketball. Kili had hated those self-defense classes. It required him to be too serious, and Kili was one ball of energy. He needed to run and jump and show off his quick skills. His freshman year of high school, Kili tried out for basketball without telling anybody. He didn't even tell us when he had made the team. All we knew was that we were requested to be at the high school gym Friday night for a special ceremony. When Thorin and I walked in and noticed it was opening night of the basketball season, we were perplexed. Then as the starting five were called out onto the floor, our jaws hit the floor as Kili's name was called out. By the end of the night, he had scored twenty of the team's forty-five points. We had never been so proud.

Kili. Small, reckless, and insanely happy, Kili, was the most important person in my life. My little brother. When he hurt, I hurt, too. And right now, Kili was hurting. I would get to the bottom of this, but it would have to wait 'til morning. I was going to need all the sleep I could get for our talk tomorrow.

* * *

><p>When I woke up at 9:15, I was freezing. I rolled over and immediately saw what appeared to be my little brother wrapped up in a cocoon of blankets. He always had been a bed hog. I reach over to smack him gently on the arm, and stop with my hand hovering over his left arm thinking better of it. Kili could sleep a little longer. Thorin wouldn't care.<p>

I slowly stand up, careful not to jostle the bed waking my brother. I reach over to my desk chair and grab the sweatshirt draped across the back, pulling it on. The air conditioner must have been cranked up. I pull out some socks from a drawer and slip them over my freezing feet. With one last glance at Kili, I open the door, and step out into the hall, closing the door behind me.

I make my way to the kitchen, just in time to hear Thorin ending a phone call.

"…yeah, that's fine. I can come in today… No, really, it's not a problem… OK, see you then." Thorin ends his phone call and turns as I make my way to the counter. "Good morning."

"Mmm, morning." I yawn, reaching for the cereal.

"You look like you didn't sleep much. Why?" Thorin inquires.

"Just thinking." I tell him. It wasn't a complete lie.

Thorin seems to accept this answer though and continues the conversation. "That was Balin. Apparently, a client is requesting an immediate meeting with the team."

"But it's Saturday." I say, like it should be obvious that nobody works on a Saturday.

"Yeah, I know. Apparently, my client doesn't have a problem with cancelling other people's plans when he doesn't have any of his own. I'll be done around 12:30. If you and Kee want to meet up for lunch or something, just text me. Speaking of which, where is Kee?"

"Uh, I guess he's still sleeping. I'll tell him about lunch when he wakes up." I say this all a little too fast. I know Thorin has realized this too because he's giving me the "_what's going on"_ look. I just smile and tell him to have fun at his meeting as I shove another spoonful of cheerios into my mouth.

"Pig." I hear Thorin mutter as he walks out of the kitchen. Then a quiet laugh as he grabs his keys and briefcase and walks out the door.

After my breakfast, I gulp down a glass of orange juice and then make my way back to my room to grab some clothes before I shower. I ease open the door and look to the bed where Kili is still sound asleep, only now he is sprawled across the bed; head on my pillow, legs on his side of the bed, and arms spread wide open as he lays on his stomach. I hear the soft, steady breathing and know he's still out of it. I grab my clothes and make my way down the hall to the bathroom.

* * *

><p>I'm walking down the hall when I hear a dull <em>thud<em> and see that my bedroom door is still closed, but directly across the hall, Kili's is slightly open. I go to my room first, placing the dirty pajamas in my laundry basket. _Note to self: Do laundry after lunch today. _Seriously_. _The mound was getting ridiculous.

I walk across the hall, and ease Kili's door open more and let myself in.

"Kee? You ok?"

I stand there for a few seconds not really registering what my eyes are seeing. But then it finally kicks in.

"KEE! Are you ok?" I rush over to my brother, who is sitting with his back against the wall breathing heavily.

Kili begins to cough and can't seem to get a deep breath. I sit down and begin to rub soothing circles across his arm with one hand while gently patting him on the back with the other.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just got a little dizzy…" Kili finally manages to wheeze out.

"Yeah, well, that doesn't explain your erratic breathing." I state, knowing there's more than what he is telling me.

"I just started coughing and when I fell, it knocked the breath out of me. I'm fine. Really. See? All better now." Kili rambles. His breathing has slowed considerably, almost back to normal. I know he is still hiding something, but I also know he isn't going to tell me anything else.

I nod my head and gently pull him up. "Thorin had to go in for a spur-of-the-moment meeting. He said he'd be done around 12:30 if we wanted to meet up and have lunch or something."

"Sounds good. What time is it?"

"10:30," I answer.

"All right. I'll eat some toast and then get dressed."

"Ok. I'll be in the living room if you need me."

"All right," Kili says. I notice he stumbles a little as he makes his way to his closet.

"You sure you're ok? Need help with anything?"

"I think I can dress myself, thank you very much." Kili snaps.

I look at him puzzled. Kili is never hostile towards me. We have always been best friends. Kili notices his odd behavior and looks me in the eye as he mumbles an apology.

"Don't worry about it. You're just tired." I say and make my way out of his room. Something is definitely wrong with my brother.


	3. Chapter 3

Lunch this afternoon was the usual, casual affair: small talk and a big fat juicy steak. Thorin talked about how much he hated his job (which was all a lie); I talked about my plans for the day (nothing at the moment); and Kili gave his input every once in a while. Kili was always loud and a real bundle of energy. But, today none of that was happening.

I zoned out for a bit, Thorin was rambling about something Bofur had done trying to impress a woman. I focused my eyes on my brother. He appeared to be listening to Thorin, but I saw through the façade. Kili's eyes were not completely focused on Thorin's, slightly to the right of him. He was more accurately staring at the wall. A slight grimace was forming on his face and beads of sweat were appearing on his forehead. The longer I looked, the more I could see that his face had taken on a rosy hue. I knew it wasn't from embarrassment.

Kili continues to sit there, oblivious to the looks I have been giving him. Finally, I know I have to interfere.

"Kili. What's wrong?" I interrupt Thorin mid-sentence.

"Kili? Kili, answer me." Now Thorin is getting suspicious.

"Kili!" I snap. This was bad. Very, very bad.

"Wha- sorry. Zoned out. Man, it's hot in here." Kili says, fanning his face with the dessert menu with one hand and tugging at his shirt with the other.

"No, it's not. Actually, it's quite chilly." I tell him.

"Maybe we should leave…" Thorin stands grabbing his briefcase.

"Yeah, I think I'll take a nap when we get home." Kili agrees almost immediately.

"I didn't mean we were going home. I meant we're going to the doctor and getting you some help." Thorin states, matter-of-factly.

"No. I'll be ok. I just need some sleep. Honest." Kili is nearly pleading.

"I don't thi-"

"He'll be fine. Besides, we've got some cold meds at home. That should do it." I say, interrupting Thorin.

Kili looks at me, giving me a silent "thank you." I nod my head and manage a small smile.

Thorin seems to think this over for a while, and after a once-over of Kili, agrees to skip the doctor visit. He throws a couple of twenties down on the table, and leaves a note: _keep the change as a tip_. He grabs his keys and we make our way out to the parking lot.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Kee. We're home." I tell my brother as we pull into the garage.<p>

Kili had passed out for the twenty minute drive as soon as we had exited the parking lot of the restaurant. With a stretch and a mumbled, "Where are we?" Kili sits up and squeezes his eyes shut once again.

"Kee, c'mon. We're home. You can sleep in your own bed, not my car."

"I'm comin'. I'm comin'." Kili opens the passenger side door and steps out of the car. Suddenly, he begins coughing and can't seem to stop.

"Kili, breathe. C'mon." I hold on to my brother as he doubles over; from lack of air or weakness, I do not know.

"Is he all right?" Thorin asks, stepping out of his Mercedes. Just one of the perks of being a highly successful lawyer. And having the last name "Oakenshield," but whatever.

"I-I don't know." I answer him.

Thorin grabs Kili's shoulders and forces him to stand upright. "Kili? Kili! Breathe. Just breathe. You're ok."

Kili's coughing finally ceases and he struggles to find his breath. "I'm fine. Just tired." Kili wheezes.

I stare at him in shock. "Bull crap."

Kili manages a weak glare and does his best to intimidate me. Not working.

"C'mon. Let's get you inside. Go take a nap." Thorin says, grabbing a hold of Kili's trembling left arm.

"I said I'm _fine_. I don't need help walking to my own room." Kili jerks his arm free of Thorin's and my grasp and marches into the house.

"Look after him. I'm calling Oin." Thorin orders me.

I eagerly nod my head and follow Kili into the house.

* * *

><p>I'm approaching the stairs when I look up. Half way to the top, an exhausted Kili leans against the wall, panting for breath.<p>

"Hey, slow down. Deep breaths. C'mon."

Kili seems startled. He didn't even hear me approach. "I think I'll take that help now."

Oh, right. Now he accepts it. "About time."

I reach down and pull my brother to his feet. I give him a few moments to steady his wobbly legs, and when he is ready, we ascend the remaining stairs.

We make our way down the hall to the right. Passing the first two doors on the right and finally reaching the third. I push the door open, and lead Kili into the room. Immediately he collapses onto his unmade bed.

I can see that he is now shivering and throw him a sweatshirt. He struggles to put it on but manages to do it. When he lays back down, I smother him into a cocoon of blankets.

I lay the palm of my hand onto Kili's sweat soaked forehead. "You're burning up."

"No-t reee-allll-yyy." Kili's teeth are chattering now.

"Yes, really." I say sternly. I know I need to relay the latest news to Thorin. "Take a nap. I'll check on you in a while."

Kili needs no further encouragement and shuts his eyes.

* * *

><p>I walk down the stairs and find Thorin making something to drink in the kitchen.<p>

"How is he?" Thorin asks, as he stirs something into the orange juice.

"He's got a fever and he's freezing. I told him to sleep and that I'd check on him in a bit."

"How bad is the fever?"

_Like a furnace_. "It's not too bad yet, but he's definitely too warm." I tell him.

"Oin said the flu is going around. He told me to mix some fever reducers into some orange juice and have Kili drink it."

"All right. Do you want to be the one to wake him or shall I?" Kili was always the worst when his sleep was interrupted.

"I think I will accept the challenge." Thorin says and exits the kitchen, heading to the stairs.

* * *

><p>I reach the top of the stairs, turn right, and make my way to the third door on the right. I turn the door knob and enter my nephew's room. My eyes land on the massive mound of blankets, which I can only assume is Kili.<p>

I reach out to the bed and try to find the top of the blankets. Finally, the mess of dark hair comes into view. Kili appears to be asleep. His right cheek pressed into the pillow. I brush some hair from his forehead. Two things scare me: 1) Kili's skin is way too hot. 2) He doesn't even look close to seventeen years old when he sleeps. It's almost like I'm staring at the eight-year old boy who had the permanent mischievous look on his face.

I shake myself and bring myself back the present. At seventeen, Kili was still that little boy, but not now. This isn't Kili at all.

"Kili, wake up. I need you to drink this."

Kili groans in response.

"Kee, I know you're tired, but you need to take this. After that, you can sleep as long as you want."

There's silence followed by a heavy sigh, and then I see two brown eyes opening. Kili struggles to unravel himself from the blankets Fili has buried him in. I try to help, and eventually Kili's arms get free. Now, he's panting for breath.

"Just breathe. Here, let me help." I grab Kili's shoulder with one hand and his arm with the other and pull him into a sitting position. Once he is sitting upright, I tell him once again, why I am there. He gives a slight nod of his head to let me know he heard me and reaches out a shaky hand for the glass.

I give him the glass, keeping my hand on his to gently lead it to his mouth. Kili drinks about half the glass before he starts to cough. And then he can't stop.

I climb onto the bed and squeeze in beside him, gently rubbing circles onto his back and whispering reassurances in his ear. When he finally stops, he collapses into me. "…hurts." He barely manages to whisper.

That's when I know he isn't ok. Kili always puts on a strong front when in my presence. He has a fear of showing weakness to anybody, but for seem reason, it was always worse with me. "What hurts?"

"He-ead, e'rythn…" Kili relays between coughs.

"There were some fever reducers mixed into the juice I just gave you. In a few hours, that problem should be solved. Maybe after some rest, your head will feel better, too."

"No it won't." Kili says bluntly.

"You don't know that." This fever must be worse than I think. Has to be.

"I'm dying." Kili insists.

"Kili, snap out of it. You are _NOT_ dying. You have the flu."

"Whatever."

"Kili, shut up and go to sleep. It's 3 o'clock. If you're not up for dinner, do you want me to wake you?" This is frustrating.

"I guess."

"Ok. Problem solved. Go to sleep." I pat him on the shoulder and help him lay back down. After wrapping him back up, I ask, "Do you need anything else?"

"No," Kili says with his eyes already closed.

I stand there, once again, seeing the small, seven year old with the chest cold. The small child clinging to me for dear life. My precious nephew who would fall asleep in my arms as I sang him lullabies about old dwarf fairytales. Kili. My Kili.

"You're going to be ok," I whisper as I walk to the door.

"Uncle?"

I almost didn't hear it. I turn around, looking at the bed. "Yes?"

"Thanks." Kili says with a yawn.

"Go to sleep, Kee." And he does.


	4. Chapter 4

After dinner, Thorin announced that he was going to the store for some groceries, and to pick up some meds for Kili, no doubt. Kili didn't eat much at dinner, practically nothing, but still, he was there.

Now, Kili and I sat in the living room, watching a movie. Kili in the recliner, wrapped in a couple of blankets and with his feet propped up in front of him. I on the couch with my laptop, as the name implies, on my lap.

The movie we're watching is one of our favorites, _The Avengers_. My favorite is Iron Man. Kili prefers Captain America. He won't admit it, but I'm pretty sure it's because Steve Rogers was the small, bullied kid before he got the injection and became the superhero. Kili sees himself as pre-injection Steve Rogers.

Kili puts the foot rest down on the recliner and stands up, wrapping himself in the blankets tighter. "I'm going to get a drink. Do you want anything?"

"No, I'm good." I want to offer to get his drink, but I know he will refuse. "Do you want me to pause it?"

"Don't bother." Kili says and exits the room. _Well, then._

As I sit here wondering what it must be like to turn green every time someone or something makes me angry, I am startled out of my thoughts by a crash from the kitchen.

I throw my laptop to the side and race down the hall to the kitchen. When I don't immediately see Kili, I begin to panic. Then, as I come around the end of the island in the middle of the kitchen, I stop and fall to my knees. Kili has fallen, breaking the glass he was apparently holding, and is bleeding from multiple lacerations.

"Oh my word, KILI! What happened!?" I demand from him, as I try to stop the bleeding with a towel.

"I-I don' kno… jus got diz-zy 'n fell…" Kili tells me, gasping for breath and gritting his teeth against the pain.

"Kee, I've got to get some alcohol to clean these and some bandages. I'll be right back, ok? Do _not_ move from this floor. Got it?" I say all this with my best over-protective big brother voice.

"Yeah… got it." Kili grabs his arm and holds it against his stomach.

I run down the hall to the bathroom, and grab my supplies. When I return to the kitchen, to my surprise, Kili hasn't moved an inch. I set the supplies on the table and make my way over to Kili. I help him stand and walk him over to one of the chairs at the table, making him sit.

I grab his arm and look him directly in the eyes. "This is going to hurt like crazy. I'm so sorry, but I have to clean these. If they get infected, Thorin will kill us both. Understand?"

"Get on with it." Kili says. I know he's trying to be tough, but I can easily see past that and know that he really is nervous.

"Ok, on three. One… two… three." I soak part of a wash cloth in the alcohol and grab Kili's arm with the other. Then, I begin to clean the cuts. Kili flinches and shakes and hisses through his clenched teeth. I am constantly apologizing as I continue to make his pain worse. Finally, the cuts are all cleaned. After this, I grab the gauze and a few bandages and wrap his arm accordingly.

"Thanks, Fee." Kili sounds absolutely exhausted.

"Not a problem. Do you want me to get you that water now?"

"If you wouldn't mind…"

I smile. "Not at all."

I get Kili his water and he slowly begins to drink it down. When he finishes, he says that he is going to go ahead and go to bed.

I walk Kili up the stairs and to his room, just making sure nothing happens again. When he is settled safely in bed, I go to my room across the hall and grab my phone.

I dial Thorin's number and wait for him to answer finally I hear, "Fili, is everything ok? What about Kili? How's Kili?"

"Uh, that's what I was calling to tell you. He had an accident in the kitchen…" I pause.

"Tell me everything, _now_."

I tell Thorin about the incident in the kitchen and wait for a reply when I finish. Finally, Thorin asks me if I was aware of Kili's dizzy spells. I want to say no, but I know my uncle can tell when I'm lying. I am forced to tell him about the first incident, when I found Kili in his room the other day. Immediately, I know Thorin is not happy.

"I'll be there in fifteen minutes. I have to check out and then I'm coming home. And Fili? We're having a talk."

I'm dead. I know it.

* * *

><p>Thorin runs in through the front door, throws me the keys, and tells me to get the groceries. I do as he says, not hesitating a second.<p>

After about ten minutes, I have successfully carried in all the groceries and put them in their rightful places. I haven't heard anything from upstairs and am starting to get worried, when finally Thorin walks into the kitchen. Before he even asks, I hand him the medicine that he has bought for Kili. Wordlessly. Thorin takes it and leaves me there once again.

As much as I want to help right now, I know my place is really anywhere but with them at the moment. So, I wait.

Five minutes later, Thorin walks in and takes the chair across from me at the kitchen table. I want to say I'm sorry, but I know that will not suffice, so I wait for the oncoming storm.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I'm afraid to look up. I know he's glaring at me, with that same exasperated anger that he always has when someone does something to greatly upset him.

"Would you believe me if I said I was truly sorry and that it will never happen again?" It's a long shot, but I have to take it.

"No, absolutely not. Fili, explain yourself!" I flinch as Thorin's fist hits the table.

"I-I don't know. I didn't thin-," I begin, only to be cut off by Thorin's temper.

"Exactly! That is your problem, Fili! You _never_ think! What? Did you just think it was nothing? That Kili saying he was dizzy was just a coincidence? What. Did. You. Think! NOTHING! Nothing- that is exactly what you thought! You just thought this would all blow over, and he would be ok. What about the things that have been happening the past few days, Fili? What about those other times where Kili has just collapsed? Didn't you think those would have been a part of something bigger? Have you looked at him lately? I mean _really_ looked at him? He's sick, Fili! Very, ver-"

"Shut up!"

Thorin and I snap our heads to the doorway. There stands Kili, shaking and tears streaming down his face.

"Kili, get back to bed." Thorin says sternly, standing.

"No! I will not! Just stop yelling!" Kili's voice is getting stronger.

"Kili, get back upstairs, _NOW!_" Thorin is seriously getting angry now.

"NO!" Kili yells and then continues, "Fili didn't tell you because I told him not to. I didn't want you to find out because I knew _this_ would happen!"

"Kee, no-"

"_Shut_ _up_, Fili! Thorin, don't be angry at Fili. Please. It's my fault. It's all my fault!"

And with that, Kili collapses to the floor.

* * *

><p>Everything until this moment is a blur. I'm sitting here in the emergency room waiting area at the local hospital wondering how I even got here.<p>

Thorin paces across the room from me talking to someone on his phone. He runs a hand through his hair and turns around to face the wall. His shoulders begin to shake. I can only assume, however bizarre it is, that he is crying.

I tear my gaze away from him and look around the room. Everything is blinding white and smells sterile. Then it finally clicks: _Kili_.

I somewhat remember Kili's collapse in the kitchen, the frantic yelling for him to wake up, the phone call, the ambulance arriving, the paramedics trying to get him to breathe, the terrifying ride to the hospital in the ambulance, screaming for my little brother to fight.

Thorin throwing his keys to someone and asking them to park his car and then him running through the hospital doors.

The doors to the emergency room slamming in our face.

Not knowing if Kili was alive.

Not knowing if we would see him again.

I remember someone screaming and yelling and crying and crumbling to the floor.

I remember strong arms surrounding that person.

Now, I remember that that person was me. And those arms holding me were Thorin's.

That was an hour ago. We are still anxiously awaiting news of Kili.

Thorin hangs up from his phone conversation and sits down beside me. His eyes are red and he quickly wipes away all traces of tears from his face.

"I tried to call Oin, but he wouldn't answer. So, I kept calling. I got a hold of Balin. He said he'd be here as soon as possible." Thorin is nervous, won't stop fidgeting. But, who can blame him? When your nephew, who you have raised as your own son, just collapses in your kitchen floor, it isn't something you just get over.

I just look at him, not giving an answer. I know my expression says it all.

We sit there a while longer, when finally, "Kili Durin family?"

I snap my head up. Thorin stands as if the chair he was sitting in has suddenly burst into flames. "Yes, I am his uncle, Thorin Oakenshield. This is his brother, Fili." He points to me as I stand.

"Hello, I am Doctor Baggins. Please, call me Bilbo." He held out his hand to each of us, and wasn't too surprised when neither of us offered to shake his hand. So, he put it back down to his side, and continued, "I came out here to let you know that Kili is okay. Currently he is in recovery. We didn't do surgery, but we performed a scan of his brain. We had to give him a mild sedative because he was so nervous. He should be waking soon, then we are moving him to the fourth floor where he will be staying for a few days."

"There's something else." Thorin speaks my thoughts.

"Yes, there is." The doctor shifts uncomfortably on his feet before looking Thorin in the eye. "I don't know how much you know, but Kili has a tumor on his cerebellum. He has known for a few weeks now."

"HE WHAT!?" Thorin yells. His face is an unhealthy shade of purple. I don't blame him though. My knees weaken and I collapse into the chair.

I should've known. I should've asked. No, I should've demanded that Kili tell me what was wrong.

"You mean he didn't mention any of this to you?" Doctor Baggins' eyes nearly pop out of his head. The silence following that question is the answer he needs to continue with this tragic story. "Yes, Kili came in a few weeks ago saying that something wasn't normal about his head. Dizziness, confusion, rapid loss of energy, powerful headaches, and occasional numbness: he said he had been experiencing all of these and it was far from normal for him. I made orders for him to have a CT scan done. The results came back positive. He panicked and nearly pleaded with me not to tell word of this to anyone. He said that he would handle it. I just thought he would go home and tell his family and friends in a way that would be easy for him. I never imagined he would completely ignore it all. If I had known, I would have gotten contact information and notified you myself. Yes, it is my duty to follow the requests of my patients, but family is important to Kili. You needed to know. I am so sorry that it had to be this way. But, now we can all work together to help him fight this."

Doctor Baggins seems to be finished for the moment. As I sit here trying to absorb everything that has just been said, I can't hold back the tears. Thorin seems to be as angry as he was, but now he's fighting to keep his composure.

Thorin's voice is nearly a whisper. "How do we help him?"

Doctor Baggins pulls up a chair and sits in front of Thorin and me. "The tumor appears to have been in Kili's brain since he was born. Over a period of seventeen years, it has slowly grown. Unfortunately, now it has grown to such a large size that it is causing major problems within Kili's body. At the moment, it is not cancerous. But, because the cells in the tumor are beginning to move into neighboring tissue, it is possible that it could become cancerous in the future. If the tumor would be removed with surgery, there is a chance that the tumor could return at a higher grade. Radiation is also another form of treatment that Kili would be offered. As of now, Kili's tumor is at a grade level two. This means that we will be closely monitoring the tumor's growth. If it were to grow rapidly and into the surrounding tissue, surgery or radiation would be the best decision."

_Not cancerous. Yet. _"My brother is not going to let one little tumor turn into cancer and ruin his life. He won't allow it, and I definitely will not." I raise my head and look Thorin and Doctor Baggins' in the eye.

"And I don't expect less from either of you," the doctor offers a kind smile. "But, if you would like, I can give you Kili's things and the two of you can take them to the room he will be moved to soon."

"Ok. And thank you, Doctor." I say, just wanting to see my brother.

"It's my pleasure. Please, just call me Bilbo," he chuckles. "I will see you both upstairs."

And with that, he leaves Thorin and me alone in the waiting area. Again.

* * *

><p>Thorin and I turn left right off the elevator when it reaches the fourth floor. The entire floor of the hospital is dedicated to neurology, which explains why Kili will be staying here. We make our way down the hall, following the directory arrows and room numbers until we reach Room 412.<p>

Two beds are in the room, and both of them are empty since Kili hasn't arrived yet and he doesn't have a roommate. I take Kili's bag of belongings and place them in the too small closet on his half of the room. The nurse at the desk outside told us Kili would be having the bed beside the window.

Thorin opens the blinds to look out. Sadly, there isn't much a view. Just another building full of windows. Some of them have the blinds open, allowing us to see small movements inside. One patient is watching a movie_._ In another window, two people stand talking. The blinds of one window suddenly close. This hospital stay is going to be boring.

After another five minutes of silence and people watching, the door to the room opens and two nurses roll in a bed, with Kili on top.

When Kili is successfully transferred to his new bed, the two nurses who have brought him in, begin to hook him up to different machines. After this, they wish us the best of luck, and leave.

The incessant beeping of the heart monitor fills the room. Kili groans a little, still not quite waking up.

There is a knock at the door, and Doctor Bag- er, Bilbo, walks in.

"I see our patient has finally arrived." Bilbo was almost too polite and smiley. But maybe I was just too stressed.

"Yes, they brought him in a few minutes ago." Thorin tells the doctor.

"He should be waking soon enough. Has he showed any signs of coming around?"

"He groans every now and then, and occasionally moves a limb." I inform him.

"That's good. When he wakes up, he will be a little delirious. Press this button here-" he shows us the red button on a remote attached to Kili's bed, "and his nurse, Tauriel, will answer. Tell her Kili is waking and she will call me. I'll come back around and give him a little check-up and then we will decide what to do from there. Can I answer any questions?"

"No, I think that will be all." Thorin answers for the both of us.

"All right. I will see you guys soon." With what he thought was a reassuring smile, Bilbo turns and leaves to visit his other patients.

Thorin sits down in a chair beside Kili's bed. He puts his elbows on his knees and runs his hands through his hair. Then releases a heavy sigh.

I walk over to the window and hop up onto the windowsill. It is a nice, clear night. The pumpkin fall moon is high in the sky and lights up the night. The beautiful night does little to make me happy. Instead, my world feels cold, dark, and confused. No happiness. Just cold.

We sit there in silence for another fifteen minutes, the only sounds coming from Kili's heart monitor and the squeaking of shoes against the hallway floor outside, accompanied by the voices of the hospital staff. Then there is a rustling of sheets from Kili's bed and a loud groan.

"Kili?" Thorin whispers, reaching for Kili's left hand.

"Whaaa?" Kili takes his other hand and rubs his eyes.

"Is the light bothering you?" I ask concerned. Kili nods his head. I reach behind his bed and flip the light switch off. I then move back to the window and lower the blinds, shutting them partway. "Better?"

"Yeah," Kili mumbles. "Where am I?"

"Kee, you're in the hospital. You collapsed in the kitchen floor and when you wouldn't wake up, we called for an ambulance. Do you remember any of this?" Thorin inquires.

Kili is silent for a moment, refusing to answer Thorin's real question: _Why didn't you tell us?_ "I guess you know now, huh?"

"What were you thinking? Why didn't you tell us anything? Really, Kili, we could have prevented all of this from even happening today. Didn't you want us to help?" Thorin is trying hard to not let his anger get the best of him again. It isn't working.

"I don't know what I was thinking. I didn't want to be a burden."

"A burden? Kili, you will never be a burden. You're sick. Things like this happen when you're sick and don't have help. Is this really what you wanted?"

"I don't want to be sick!" Kili finally snaps. "I never chose this! I never wanted this and I still don't! I don't want this- I don't want to suffer from this freaking tumor- but I definitely don't want you to suffer with me! That's why I didn't tell you. I didn't want to drag you away from your busy lives. I didn't want to be a burden!"

I jump down from my place on the windowsill.

"Kee," I cut in before Thorin can tell him how stupid he is, no matter how true it may be. "We're family. We care about you and love you. That's why you should have told us. We want to help, and we will help, whether you like it or not. So, get used to it. We aren't going anywhere until you beat this tumor. Never, EVER, _EVER_, do something this stupid again. I mean it, or so help me, I _will_ kill you, and Thorin here will have to come visit me in jail once a month."

"Why do you think I'd visit you?" Thorin asks with a sneaky smile.

"Because you can't live without me," I say, as if it is the most obvious thing.

Thorin snorts and says, "Whatever you think."

Kili coughs, trying to hide the fact that he is crying. It doesn't work. In a rare showing of affection, Thorin climbs onto the bed beside Kili, carefully avoiding all of the lines and tubes connected to Kili. Then, he wraps him in his arms, and pulls him against his chest as Kili sobs.

I sit on the other side of the bed, and rub soothing circles across Kili's back. After a while, Kili's tears stop. My eyes meet Thorin's and he nods. I move off the bed and our uncle lays Kili back down on the bed, covering him with a blanket and positioning his head on the pillow until he looks comfortable.

A thought occurs to me. "Didn't you say Balin was coming over?"

"Oh, yeah. He should have been here by now." Thorin begins searching his pockets for his phone. "Do you have my phone?" he asks me.

"No. The last time I saw it was in the waiting area outside the emergency room."

"Must've left it. I'll be back in a few minutes."

"No, that's ok. You stay. I can get it. I was thinking about getting some coffee anyway. Want anything?" Really, I just need a walk, but coffee sounds good, too.

"No, I'm good. Thanks."

"All right. Be back in a few."

* * *

><p>As I exit the elevator doors to the first floor, I hear a familiar voice coming from around the corner.<p>

"Kili Durin. Yes, he was admitted a few of hours ago."

Balin.

"Oh, here it is. He has been moved to the neurology floor. Room 412." A male voice answers.

"Neurology? That concerns the brain, correct?"

"You would be correct. Just take that elevator to the fourth floor, and you should find your young friend."

"Thank you for your help." Balin says, and soon he walks around the corner, spotting me. "Fili! I would have been here sooner, but there was a car accident on the highway."

"I understand. I just came down here to find Thorin's phone."

"Yes, I tried calling and didn't get an answer. I thought he may have turned it off for hospital policy or something of the sort… How is he?"

I know who the _he_ implies. "I was going to get some coffee after getting the phone before making my way back upstairs. You can go on up and Thorin will fill you in, if you don't mind. Would you like some coffee, too?"

Balin thinks for a moment and then answers me, "Yes, I would appreciate some. Thank you, Fili. Room 412, correct?"

I nod my head. Balin can see right through me. He always has. He was Thorin's mentor growing up and had basically raised him. Because of this, Balin has played a rather large role in the upbringing of Kili and me. We love Balin, as if he were our grandfather. He is old and wise, and always knows what to say to make everything seem better than it really is.

Balin gives me a pat on my back and looks me in the eye. "Young Kili will be back to causing trouble in no time. Just you wait and see."

I smile. Balin is the best.


	5. Chapter 5

After trying to remember which chairs we had been sitting in, I find Thorin's phone. Completely unharmed and untouched. I tap the screen, sure enough five missed calls and eleven unanswered text messages.

I walk down the hall following the arrows to the coffee shop. I buy two large coffees and make my way back to the elevators. After awkwardly trying to hit the button for the fourth floor, a middle-aged man in the elevator asks which floor I need and hits the 4 for me.

"Family member?" the man asks.

"Uh, yeah. Brother." I tell him. Is it really any of his business?

"I'm sorry. I know what that's like. I have three younger brothers myself, and they always seemed to be getting into trouble when we were growing up." He sounds sincere.

But, no, he probably doesn't know what it's like knowing your little brother has a tumor in his brain that could turn cancerous.

I don't tell him this though. I just awkwardly say, "Yeah, he's something else." And leave it at that.

"Well, I wish you the best. I'll say a prayer for him." He says as I exit the elevator on the fourth floor.

"Um, thanks." I say, briefly turning around.

Our parents had gone to church, but when they died and Thorin took us in, we never went to church again. I don't know if Thorin was angry at God or if he just wasn't religious, but we never went to church. I never really prayed, but I didn't have any negative thoughts against it. It just wasn't something I did. I guess that man in the elevator enjoyed praying. So, I appreciated it.

I reach the room and enter through the open door. "Coffee's here." I say.

"Thank you, lad." Balin takes his coffee.

"Hey, you're awake." I smile at Kili.

"We were just discussing what to do for the next few days. While you were out, Tauriel, the nurse, came by and said Kee would be here for a few more days. They have him scheduled for another CT scan on Tuesday. They'll decide what to do after that." Thorin informs me.

"So, what exactly were you discussing then? Who will stay with Kili?" I had already thought about that and decided I would be here as long as my brother needed me. If that meant not going back to school after my break ended, then so be it. This was more important.

"I was planning on taking the week off actually. Dori can take over my current case. It won't be a problem. I will stay here until Tuesday, and then bring Kili home with me."

"What if they don't send me home?" Kili asks from where he is propped up against the pillows on the bed.

"Kili, you are coming home. They won't keep you here past Tuesday. I am sure of it." Thorin isn't just stating his opinion. He is making a demand.

"Well, I guess that's settled then." Kili rolls his eyes and gives a half-hearted laugh.

"Sorry, lads, but that won't be necessary. Thorin you go to work and do your normal weekly routine. Fili, you go home and enjoy the remainder of your break. I will stay here with Kili until he goes home Tuesday."

Balin isn't going to back down, but I try to change his mind anyway.

"No, really, you don-"

"No, I do have to. Don't worry about a thing. I already have a bag packed and in my car. Give me fifteen minutes and I will be back with it. I don't want to hear a word from either of you. Besides, Dwalin probably wants me out of the house for a while. Even brothers need a break every once in a while."

"Isn't that the truth," I laugh, tousling Kili's hair.

"Shut up," Kili says as he bats my hand away, trying to keep the grin off his face.

"Ok, I will be back before you can say, 'Let's take the ring to Mordor.'" Balin takes another drink of his coffee and leaves.

"What the heck is that supposed to mean?" Kili asks, just as puzzled as the rest of us.

* * *

><p>The house is eerily quiet when Fili and I enter our home.<p>

After Balin had returned with his bag in tow, Fili and I said our goodbyes to KIli promising to be back tomorrow; however, Balin insisted that we wait until Tuesday. He also threatened that if we attempted to make a phone call to the hospital or set foot in the parking lot, he would have Dwalin hogtie both me and Fili to the basketball hoop in our backyard. So, after arguing for a solid ten minutes, Fili and I both accepted defeat and came home. Now we were banned from all communication with Kili for the next three days.

"These are going to be the longest three days of my life," Fili says from his place on the couch.

"I know."

"I think I'm going to try to eat something before going to bed. Want anything?" Fili asks, walking toward the hallway.

"No, I think I'm going to head on up to bed, myself. I guess I'll just do paperwork tomorrow since my original plans have been cancelled." I realize how that last part sounded and quickly fix my mistake. "No, that's not how I meant it. Some of the guys and I were going to go to Bofur's new show. Apparently, he has a gig at a pub in Erebor now. Somebody must think he's funny."

Fili gives a slight laugh. He of all people knows that Bofur's since of humor has quite a wide range. And when alcohol is involved, he is quite the entertainer.

"You should go," he says. "I'll be fine here. Really. Go on. Go have fun. Make sure Bofur doesn't get himself in too much trouble in his drunken stupor."

"No, I can't. I can call someone else and make them watch him."

"Uncle?"

I look up.

"Go."

The command is simple, but Fili means it, nonetheless.

"I'll think about it." I tell him.

I know there isn't any point arguing with Fili. I may be the man who raised him, but Fili still knew how to get his way. So, did Kili. It was a curse.

* * *

><p>It's 3 AM and I can't sleep. I decide to get up and walk to the kitchen for a glass of water.<p>

As I make my way down the hall towards the stairs, I notice a light from underneath Fili's closed door.

I knock on the door. "Fili, you awake?"

There is some shuffling from inside the room and then Fili opens the door. "Yeah, I gave up on sleep forever ago. I've just been reading."

Fili's eyes are red. He may have been reading, but he was crying, too.

"I was just going to get a drink. Do you want to join me?"

Fili hesitates a moment and then follows after me.

When we reach the kitchen, I walk over to the cabinet above the sink and retrieve two glasses. Then I walk over to the icemaker installed in the left door of the refrigerator and fill both glasses half full with ice and then with water. I turn to hand Fili his when I realize he isn't in the kitchen.

Fili is still standing in the entryway, eyes downcast, and breathing somewhat heavily.

"Fee, do you want to go wait in the living room?"

He doesn't answer just walks away. His eyes never leaving the floor.

I decide to make some popcorn. There's no way either of us is sleeping tonight. Might as well get some snacks and watch a movie.

A few minutes later, I make my way to the living room where I can already hear the television playing. Somehow I managed to carefully balance two glasses of water, a large bowl of popcorn, and a small bag of M&M's, without dropping a single kernel of popcorn.

Fili makes space for me on the couch and takes the popcorn from me. "Thanks."

"Don't you want your water?"

"Oh yeah. Thanks," he says and reaches for his glass.

I roll my eyes and sit beside him. Of course Fee would only be interested in the buttery goodness.

We sit there for a while longer, eating the popcorn and watching a show I had never seen before.

I know Fili isn't really paying attention to the show, so I grab the remote and press the mute button. "Do you want to talk about it?" I ask, already knowing why he was acting so strangely.

"Every time I look at that kitchen, I just see him." Fili admits.

"I know, but, he's going to be ok. You told him yourself, we are going to help him fight this. Kili is going to win. There's no need to be so hard on yourself." I know he isn't buying it, but I'm trying to reassure him.

"That's just it though. I have known for the past few weeks. I knew something was wrong, but I never bothered to ask for specifics because Kili always comes to me when he has a problem. He's been quiet and sullen and just not his normal happy self. And then the other night, he came into my room and just burst into tears. I didn't know what w-"

"He did that?" I honestly had no idea.

"Yeah, and it scared the living daylights out of me. I thought about waking you, but decided it would be pointless, and unsafe… for me... because it was four in the morning." Fili looks away sheepishly.

"Can't say I'm angry about that one. I know I'm a terrible person when I don't get my beauty sleep," I admit. Fili gives a small chuckle at that.

"And then I walked into his room one afternoon and he was having a panic attack or something. Then he just snapped at me. He never does that. And from then on, Kili just got worse until he finally collapsed in the kitchen." Fili finishes his recollection, with a heavy sigh, falling even further into the back of the couch.

"It's not your fault. If anything, it's mine," I say. "I haven't been spending enough time with you two. If I had, I would have seen something was wrong. And I could have gotten it out of him sooner."

"No, it's not your fault, Uncle. It's no one's fault. It's just that freaking tumor!" Fili yells and storms out of the living room.

"FILI!" I run after him as I hear the back door slam shut.

Fili is running across the lawn towards the forest when suddenly he trips over a rock and falls to the ground. I reach my nephew and fall down beside him, pulling his shaking body against mine. I cradle his head against my chest and let him sob. Soon I feel a wetness seeping from my own eyes.

Fili and I lose track of time and just continue to sit there in the backyard, crying for something we loved dearly: Kili.

* * *

><p>Tuesday morning, Balin calls to tell us that Kili's CT scan has been scheduled for 11:00 AM. Strangely, this is the most exciting news that we have heard since late Saturday night.<p>

The weekend had been uneventful. Thorin decided Bofur could get drunk and suffer from the consequences without his help. Sunday he stayed home and attempted paperwork. I went for a run that morning around the block. After that, I spent the day reading.

Monday, I shoved Thorin out of the house to his office. He managed to spend the entire day there. Barely. When he came home, I knew he was anxious for Tuesday because I was, too. Neither of us ate dinner that evening. We didn't even speak.

Then, this morning we were both up at the crack of dawn because we didn't sleep the night before. We were too anxious to see Kili and bring him home. We sat in the kitchen by the phone and waited for the phone call from Balin.

When it finally came at 9:30, Thorin answered it before the first ring even finished. After about a minute, he hung up.

"Balin says Kili's test is at 11. He is giving us permission to come in before then."

"I'll be ready in five." I finish my orange juice and race up the stairs.

* * *

><p>"Knock, knock." I say as I enter Kili's hospital room.<p>

Kili turns his head to look at me. "Hey!"

"I believe the correct response is, 'Who's there?'" I laugh.

"Shut up and give me a hug." Kili sits himself up and puts a pillow behind his back for extra support.

"A little demanding, aren't we?" I tease.

Kili rolls his eyes and wraps his arms around me as I walk over to the bed. "I missed you, Fee."

"I missed you too, Little Brother." I say as I hug Kili back, fiercely. After a while longer, I release Kili and help him get comfortable. "Where's Balin?" I ask.

"Where's Uncle?"

"I asked you first."

After a stare down, Kili finally caves in and answers my question. "You always win," he grumbles. "Balin went down to the cafeteria to get something to eat."

"Big brother advantage," I smirk, in reply to Kili's first comment.

"Where's Thorin?"

"He got a phone call about work right before we left. He tried to get out of it, but in the end, failed. I drove my car. He'll be here later."

"Oh." Kili's eyes are huge and he looks panicked.

"Don't worry. He'll be here before you go in for your test. He wouldn't miss it." I reassure my brother, gently rubbing his arm.

"Right." Kili doesn't look too sure, but he accepts it.

* * *

><p>"It's 10:45. He's not coming."<p>

Kili is getting anxious, and, quite frankly, so am I.

"Kili, he'll be here. Trust me. It's a twenty minute drive from the house. I don't know how long that phone call went. But, time isn't something Thorin wastes. He will be here. Soon." I tell Kili for what seems like the hundredth time.

"He doesn't care about me anymore." Kili sounds broken.

My jaw hits the floor at this statement. "Kili, stop this nonsense! How could you say that!?"

"Kili," Balin interrupts before Kili can respond. "Your Uncle is a very busy man. But, he loves you more than you can imagine. You- the both of you-," Balin brings his eyes to me and then back to Kili, "are his life. Do not say such things. They are lies. I know Thorin. He will be here."

Kili doesn't say anything. We all sit there in the unsettling silence.

_10:53._

"Sorry- excuse me- no, I have to see my nephew- I'm late- please- sorry."

I hear the feet running down the hall and the deep voice: Thorin.

"I'm here!" Thorin exclaims, running into the room.

Before Kili can say anything, Thorin has wrapped his arms around him and is telling him how sorry he is for being late.

When Kili doesn't say anything, Thorin releases his hold on Kili and stands back up. "What's wrong?"

"Get out." Kili demands, not looking at Thorin.

"Kili, what-" Thorin begins, only to be cut off by Kili.

"I said, get out!" Kili shouts.

I try to calm my brother. "Kee, stop! Thorin's here like he said he would be."

"I got here as soon as I could. Really, Kee, you know I wouldn't let you down." Thorin is on the verge of pleading. I don't know what's happened, but something has softened our Uncle in the past few weeks.

"Get. Out." Kili grounds out each word with great emphasis. He has turned his head away from the three of us and I can hear the slight tremble in his voice.

I look at Thorin. He wasn't crying… yet. But he was shaken. "I'll be in the waiting area."

"I'll go with him." Balin says and follows Thorin down the hall.

"Kili, look at me." I command when the others have left.

When Kili refuses to look at me, I grab his face in both of my hands and force him to look at me.

"You have to stop this. Thorin has to work. He has to take care of us. He loves you. He tried to be here, and he may not have been here when you wanted him to, but he did come. Grow up. Get over it."

Kili is crying now. Quietly, but the tears are coming down his face.

"I'll be right back." Kili just nods his head. He knows what I'm doing.

* * *

><p>"You know, you could have called." Balin says from the doorway.<p>

I knew he had followed me down the hall, and as much as I appreciate his kind intentions, I am not in the mood for a lecture.

"I was in such a rush when I left that I threw my phone on the table as soon as the call ended. I grabbed my keys and left. I got here as soon as I could. I guess it wasn't soon enough." I rest my elbows on my knees and put my head in my hands.

"I know Kili, and I know you. He will realize his mistake and forgive you in no time. And I also know that you will not stop until he does. I know you tried your hardest. You always do when it involves those two boys. But, you do need to balance your time better." Balin knows just what to say. Every single time.

"Fili is disappointed, too. He won't admit it, but I know he is." I release a heavy sigh. Fili was always the quiet, more reserved of the two. He didn't always verbally express his frustrations. You had to study his body language.

"Just leave Kili to his brother. If anyone can get through to him, it is Fili." Balin assures me. And he's right. My two nephews have a bond that makes me question if they are really the same person, living in two different bodies sometimes.

"I know I haven't been spending enough time with them. Fili and I discussed this last night. I try to control my work schedule, but sometimes, especially with this current case, it gets more difficult to have a normal life. I can't help but partially blame myself for Kili's illness. If I had been spending more time with them, I would have seen how sick he was." I stop myself from going further. Because, Balin and I both know that what would eventually slip out was something neither of us wanted to even consider.

"Thorin, you cannot blame yourself for any of this. You did not give Kili the tumor. He is going to be fine, all in due time. There may be some changes for a while, but soon enough, everything will be back to normal. Kili will be his normal, hyper-active self and Fili will be keeping him out of trouble. Or at least trying." Balin and I both chuckle at this. There have been a few times in the past when Fili has had to rescue Kili from himself, as well as, others. Kili didn't know when to stop and didn't have a filter. Sometimes it was hilarious. Other times? Well…

"Thank you. For this, and staying here. Fili and I really needed that short break, although it nearly killed us in the process."

Balin pats me on the back and just smiles.

"Uncle, you've got two minutes. You better run down there now." Fili is standing in the doorway, out of breath from running to find me.

I immediately take off down the hall toward Kili's room.

The radiology technician is helping Kili into the wheelchair.

"Kee, I'm here."

"Sir, I have to tak-"

"No, I still have one minute. It's 10:59." I shove past the nurse and wrap my arms around Kili who is sitting in the wheelchair, tears streaming down his face.

"I'm so sorry, Uncle. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry." Kili chokes out in between his tears.

"Kee, you are going to fine. I can't go in with you, but I will be right outside the doors in the waiting area the whole time. Ok? Then we can go home. Everything is going to be fine." I give Kili one more squeeze and release him. I roll my eyes and pat Kili's shoulder. "Now get out of here. I want to go home."

The technician gives an exasperated sigh and begins to push Kili's chair toward the elevators. Kili turns around and gives me a wave and I smile and wave back. Then he is gone.

* * *

><p>The total time for the procedure took about thirty-five minutes. The scan itself took only a couple of minutes. The real trick would have been getting Kili to stay still that long. But, apparently it worked. When the technician wheeled Kili through the doors, the three of us- Fili, Balin, and I- followed the chair to the elevator. The elevator, however, was too full to fit all of us. So, I rode up with Kili, keeping a hand on his shoulder the entire ride.<p>

Bilbo met us in Kili's room. The doctor told us that Kili's tumor wasn't large enough to require immediate treatment, but he would have to be brought in once a week for monitoring. Kili tried to protest, but was quickly stopped by all of us. After a few more minutes of medical talk, Bilbo gave us some paperwork regarding Kili's weekly visits, and then we left.

Now, as I drive home, I steal a glance to the passenger seat beside me. It is 12:30 in the afternoon and Kili is passed out in the seat: his sweatshirt was rolled up into a makeshift pillow, held against the window with his head, and the blanket that he had managed to drag out of the hospital with him was spread over him. When he sleeps, he looks so much younger than his seventeen years. No one so young-well, anyone really- should have to suffer through this. But, Kili has a support system. We will make this work.

I put my eyes back on the road and drive the rest of the way home in deep thought. Balin agreed to tell the others about Kili's situation. I also threatened each of them if they laid a finger on Kili and said anything stupid. At least half of my threat would pull through. Fili volunteered to go to the local pharmacy and pick-up Kili's medication: just simple pain pills to take in case he has a severe headache, and a syrup for an upset stomach. Bilbo regretfully told us all to expect this from Kili. But, if it is part of the healing process, we will endure it.

Before I even realize it, we are sitting in the driveway of home. I turn the engine off and reach over and shake Kili's leg. "Hey, buddy. We're home."

Kili mumbles something unintelligible and slowly shakes himself awake. "I'm tired," he says midst yawn.

"I know. C'mon, I'll make us some lunch and then you can sleep."

"S'nds good." Kili mumbles, still half asleep. The two of us walk into the house together. Kili stops in the doorway beside me. "It's good to be home."

Yes, yes it is.


	6. Chapter 6

"Hey, sorry, aren't you the kid from the elevator?"

I freeze. I mean, really? Who mingles with other people while standing in line at the pharmacy? But, I was raised to not be rude, so I turn. It's the guy from the hospital elevator. And he's smiling. Does this guy never stop smiling?

"Hey. Uh, yeah. It's me." I attempt a friendly smile. I know it doesn't work, but he seems to overlook that.

"How is your brother?" The man asks.

Again, he seems nice enough, but I normally don't just open up about my family to random acquaintances.

He catches my hesitation and tries to smooth things out. "I'm sorry, I don't think I really introduced myself last time. My name is Aragorn." He holds out his hand.

I return the gesture. "Fili Durin."

"Nice to meet you, again." Aragorn says with a small laugh. "You wouldn't happen to be related to Rimi Durin, would you?"

"Yeah... He was my father."

"I knew him well. We were good friends in high school! Now, about your brother?"

"Oh, wow. I had no idea. It's a small world." I say, completely stunned by this new revelation, but I continue with his previous question. I don't know why, but I trust this man. "He… he has a tumor. In his brain. It's not cancerous yet, but it is growing. They're going to be monitoring him for a while. He's home, but he will be having CT scans done once a week until further notice."

"Oh, my. I am so sorry. I had no idea," Aragorn's face falls. No more smile, just a very shocked and upset expression.

"Yeah, he's going to be ok though. He has a good support system. And, if anybody is a fighter, it's my little brother. He's fought his entire life. This isn't going to be easy, but I know he'll pull through." I say all this with confidence, and shock myself by how much I really mean it.

"He sounds like a wonderful young man."

"The best." I offer without a moment's hesitation. Because it's the truth.

Aragorn smiles. "I'm sure he is. I'll say a prayer for him… if you don't mind, that is."

"Uh, no. Thank you… I'm sure he would appreciate it. I mean, we all would."

"I hate that we had to meet under these circumstances, but I'll be at the hospital frequently. Maybe, we can meet up for lunch or something. I would like to meet this young man. Also, I bet you would enjoy hearing some interesting stories about your father. And, if you ever need to talk, I'd be more than happy to listen."

"Ok. I think Kili's appointments are on Wednesdays, so I guess I will probably be taking him. Um, how am I supposed to contact you?"

"Oh, I will be on the third floor, most likely in the waiting area. My wife's father has been having heart problems. And, he'll be in for a while."

"I'm sorry to hear that. But, thank you for the offer. I should be getting home now. Kili is probably wondering where I am." I say, and grab the prescription from the counter.

"Take care." Aragorn says, with a smile and a wave.

I wave goodbye and leave.

The entire ride home, I just thought about the conversation. I come from a family of lawyers, and am currently on my way to becoming one. I was trained to be a good judge of character. And this Aragorn guy seemed like the real deal. It's strange how one person that you don't even know can change your life.

He's going to play a bigger part in this whole situation than I originally thought. Thorin is my uncle and surrogate father. He is the man that raised me. I know I can talk to him and that he's always there, but sometimes, he just gets busy. And when life gets busy, it takes away time from family. I know he tries, but it's hard sometimes. Maybe, this guy can step in as a mentor while Thorin tries to keep his life together. Maybe.

* * *

><p>"Hello, dear friends. I come bearing gifts."<p>

I walk into the kitchen where Thorin and Kili are having lunch.

"Gee, thanks. So excited." Kili says sarcastically as I set the bag on the table in front of him.

"It was supposed to be a surprise, but I can't keep anything from you." I reply with just as much sarcasm. I guess the sarcasm was a family thing.

"Oh, I'm jealous. Care to share?" Thorin throws in.

Yep, definitely a family trait.

"So, what's for lunch?" I ask, opening the fridge.

"Sandwiches." Kili answers before taking another bite.

"Left over pizza it is," I say, grabbing two slices. I grab a plate from the cabinet and warm them up in the microwave. When the annoying beeping sound begins, I grab my plate and sit at the table.

"Did everything go ok at the pharmacy?" Thorin asks, getting up to refill his glass.

"Yeah, no problems." I answer. I don't know why, but I don't tell him about Aragorn yet.

"That's good then. Did you have to pay anything extra? I can reimburse you, if need be." Thorin sits back down.

"No, the insurance covered it all." Thank God for insurance. Medicine was expensive.

"All right, good."

We ate in silence for a few moments, when Kili abruptly stopped eating.

"What's wrong?" I ask in concern.

"Nothing. Just feeling a little queasy."

Kili has barely eaten half of his sandwich, which isn't much to begin with: just ham and cheese. I get up and pour him a glass of water.

"Here, take a sip."

"Thanks," Kili mumbles and takes a sip.

"Maybe you should go lie down for a bit." Thorin's voice rumbles in concern.

"Yeah, maybe I should." Kili grabs his plate and stands up. I notice his hands are shaking and take the plate from him.

"Leave it. I'll take care of it."

With a nod, Kili leaves.

"This is happening faster than I thought it would." Thorin admits.

"Yeah, me too." If this is only the beginning, I don't know how we will pull through to the end. But, we will. That's what the Oakenshield family does: fight.

* * *

><p>Kili passed on dinner that evening. After Fili and I had eaten, Fili suggested we all watch a movie. Now, we sat in the living room: Fili in the recliner beside the couch, while Kili occupied one half of the couch, and I had the other. We were halfway through <em>The Dark Knight<em>. I must admit, movies usually bore me. But, this one always captured my utmost attention. And, it also meant spending time with my nephews, which was something that was rare with my time consuming career these days.

I look beside me when Kili makes a strange noise. "Hey, you ok?"

"Yeah, I just need to get a drink." Kili mutters through clenched teeth.

"I can-"

"No, I'll get it."

"Is he ok?" Fili asks when Kili leaves.

"No, he's not. I'll be right back."

I enter the kitchen and see Kili leaning against the counter, glass of water in hand. At first glance, he seems ok. But, then I notice the shaking glass and hear the heavy breathing.

I grab a chair from the table and place it behind Kili. "Sit."

Kili sinks gratefully into the chair, leaving the glass on the counter. He puts his head between his knees and breathes deeply a few times. I patiently wait until he's breathing normally again.

When he raises his head, and reaches for the glass, I give it to him. Kili takes a few sips and then speaks. "I don't know why that happens. I'm fine, and then I just lose it. I get all dizzy and then I panic because I start to lose my breath and I just… well, you know. I lose it."

"Your doctor said that dizziness was part of the package." I tell Kili as I rub gentle circles on his back.

"Yeah, well, it sucks and I want to return it."

"All in due time. Promise." I offer what little encouragement I can because I have the same thoughts about this as Kili. "C'mon, Fili's probably bouncing out of the chair by now."

"Fili left that chair long ago." Sure enough, he's right there in the doorway. "Sorry, I just couldn't stand it any longer. When you didn't come back…"

"It's ok. I'm fine. Can we go finish that movie? My favorite part's coming up." Kili says, sounding more cheerful than expected.

"The hospital scene?" Fili asks.

"As if you had to ask. It's genius!" Kili insists standing up. He's a little wobbly, but catches himself before I can offer my assistance.

"Lead the way, Joker," Fili says, throwing his arm out in a sweeping manner and giving a slight bow.

* * *

><p><strong>FRIDAY: THREE DAYS LATER<strong>

Thorin's at work, it's lunchtime, and I am a disaster in the making when it comes to kitchens. Kili and I might have to skip lunch today.

"Hey, Kee!" I call, "What do you want for lunch?"

"Don't care!" Kili answers back.

"Well, that helps," I grumble to myself.

Opening the freezer, I see a bag of pizza rolls. And they're microwavable. That device, I can use.

"Pizza rolls okay?"

"Yeah."

Two minutes later, the lovely smell of pepperoni pizza fills the kitchen. And the annoying beeping of the microwave. Really, such a wonderful invention, but could they have not made it so obnoxious?

"Food's ready!" I yell.

Kili walks in. "You want some ranch dressing?"

"Yes, please." That's one of the many things we have in common: we eat ranch dressing with _everything_.

I divide the pizza rolls onto two different plates and set them at the table. I grab the dressing from where Kili has set it, and pour a little onto each of the plates.

"What do you want to drink?" Kili asks.

"I think there's some tea in the fridge."

"I'm guessing that's what you want?" Kili asks grinning. I am a tea-aholic. For real.

"Nah, just stating facts." I say, earning a slight shove to my back.

"Get your own drink with that attitude," Kili says seriously, but I know he's teasing.

I laugh. "Isn't that the whole point of little brothers? Being the older brother's slave?"

"Not in this house." Kili laughs, as he sets my glass of tea on the table. He has a water bottle for himself.

Kili sits and looks at his plate. "Wow, you made lunch and didn't cause a fire. I am so proud." He wipes a pretend tear from his eyes.

"Keep it up, and you can eat ice cubes next time."

"You wouldn't."

"I would."

Kili and I stare each other down, until finally, Kili caves.

"I don't know why you do that. You know I always win." I say, taking a bite of a pizza roll.

"Yeah, well, I don't give up," Kili pauses. "On anything. Ever."

I look up. Kili is no longer joking. He's serious. "I know, and that's why we keep you around." I say with a smile.

"I thought it was because of my dazzling smile, incredibly good looks, and infectious personality."

"Those are some big words. Have you been reading the dictionary?" I ask with a smirk.

"Shut up," Kili laughs.

We eat the rest of our meal in a comfortable silence.

"You feel like going down to the park for a while?" I ask as we put our dishes into the dishwasher.

"Yeah, that sounds nice, actually. Fresh air would do us both some good," Kili admits.

"All right. I'll just text Thorin and tell him what we're doing."

"I'm going to grab my phone and a sweatshirt. Need anything from upstairs?"

I think for a moment. "Yeah, can you grab a hoodie? The football is buried under my bed if you want to grab it."

Kili laughs. "You sure that's a safe idea?"

"What? Reaching under my bed or me playing football?"

"Both," Kili says laughing even harder and dodges away from my hand.

"Little brothers need to learn some respect," I mumble.

"Heard that!" Kili calls back. He has supersonic hearing abilities when he want to.

I text Thorin. _"Going to the park for a while."_

Almost immediately after the message sends, my phone dings. _"Are you sure that's a good idea?" _Ever the overprotective uncle.

"_Yeah, it's fine. Kili is bundling up and we're taking the football. Fresh air will be nice for us both."_

"_Ok, have fun. And don't do anything stupid."_

I know that's meant specifically for Kili, but a smidge of that warning is meant for me, as well.

"_Will do. Later."_

I grab my keys from beside the door and walk out to the garage, pressing the button on the keychain to open the garage door.

I open the car door and sit down in the driver's seat, putting on my seatbelt. "Safety first" was always my number one rule when it came to cars. Thirty seconds later, the passenger door opens and Kili slips in, tossing the football and my sweatshirt into the back.

"I nearly lost my hand. You're lucky I'm alive," Kili deadpans as he buckles his seatbelt.

"Oh, I'm sure," I roll my eyes and pull out of the garage.

Once we're out, Kili reaches up and presses the garage door button located on the bottom of the rearview mirror. When the door is securely closed, we pull out of the driveway and continue on our way.

* * *

><p>"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea," Kili says, trying to hide the humor from his voice.<p>

For what seemed like the hundredth time, the football refused to spiral and dove toward the ground once it had left my grasp. He was right, I just wasn't made for this type of thing. Kili had offered all of the hints and tips that he could, but none of them were working out for me.

"Ya know, I don't think I will ever get the hang of this. You wanna just go for a walk around the lake or something?"

"Whatever you say, Romo," Kili says with a smirk as he walks toward me.

"Start walking, Polamalu." I shake the back of Kili's neck, ruffling his chocolate curls, as he walks up beside me.

We walk around the lake in a companionable silence. I can't help but take in the picture surrounding me: the leaves have mostly fallen from the trees and are now littering the ground, resulting in a beautiful golden display as the sun shines in the clear, autumn sky. The air is crisp, cool, and a slight breeze brings in the fresh scent of pine and dirt from the forest along the edge of the lake. Autumn was my favorite, always had been. The array of colors and the cool temperature with the clear blue skies made me feel exhilarated and in complete awe of this wonderful world I live in.

I am startled out of my reverie by a Frisbee flying by my head.

"Whoa!" I gasp, taking a step back.

Then a black mass of fur flies by me and before I know what is happening, Kili is on the ground giggling as he holds the Frisbee in one hand and is trying to stop the excessive licking of his face with the other hand.

Kili has always loved dogs, but Thorin is highly allergic, so we never had the opportunity to get one. One time when we were still little kids, Kili had sneaked one into his bedroom. Kili thought the dog had been a stray when he had found it under the fence in the backyard. So, Kili being Kili, decided to take it and hide it in his room. Thorin caught on after the first two days because he had caught Kili sneaking into the kitchen and grabbing spare food.

When Thorin walked into Kili's room that night, the sight of the dog curled up beside Kili on his bed was almost more than he could take. But, the massive sneeze that had followed soon after, was enough to change his mind. Three days later, a couple from down the street came by and claimed their dog, Scruffy- how original?- had disappeared. Anyway, Kili had cried for hours after the dog had left. Even I had grown fond of having a pet, but Thorin was relentless and refused to get a dog, no matter how much and how loud Kili pleaded. Finally, Kili had accepted that he wasn't going to get a dog anytime soon and moved on.

"Sorry, about that. Beorn, stop that!"

I look toward the sound of the appraoching voice and see a beautiful, blonde girl walking toward us. She looks to be about my age, and I can't help but stare at her delicate features and pale skin.

"It's fine, really," I insist. "I'm Fili." I smile and reach out my hand.

"Éowyn," she offers with a smile and shakes my hand.

Wow. She's gorgeous. "Do you come here often?" Below me, Kili snorts, trying to disguise his laughing as a cough.

"Actually, I'm just visiting some family for a few days. I live in Rohan. Beorn, which you have already met, is my uncle's. I decided to take him out for a few hours, and, well, you can see how that's going." She says with a laugh.

"Oh, so, how long are you in?" Yes, I know. I sound like an eager, desperate guy. But, she's gorgeous and opportunities like this do not happen every day.

She catches this, too. But, she seems to be strangely okay with it. "I'm leaving Monday," she pauses, but then quickly adds, "I'll be back for the holidays though, Thanksgiving and Christmas both."

A small smile slowly begins to form on my face. "Ok, that's, um, great."

"Yes," she agrees, smiling. "I should be going though."

"Oh, right, yeah. We should, too." I ramble out.

"I'm Kili, by the way," Kili stands and offers his hand.

"Nice to meet you," Éowyn says as she shakes Kili's hand.

"Well, looks like this is goodbye, Beorn. Behave, ok?" As if in understanding, Beorn gives Kili one last lick on his cheek before walking back over to Éowyn, Frisbee held firmly in his mouth.

"Maybe we can all meet up again or something when I come back for break," Éowyn offers.

"Yes! I mean, uh, yeah, sounds like a good plan." I don't even need to look at Kili to know he is dying to laugh right now.

"Ok, um, here's my number," Éowyn says, pulling out a pen and a piece of paper from her purse.

"Ok, thank you." I say, blushing like an idiot.

"Feel free to call me whenever." Éowyn blushes. "Well, I guess I should be going. It was nice meeting you both. Have a nice day!"

And with that, the most beautiful girl I have ever seen walks away, dog in tow.

"Awww, Fili's in loooooove!" Kili squeals dramatically and bats his eyelashes.

"Shut up," I growl, trying to be angry, but I can feel my face warming and can't stop the smile that forms.

"Feel free to call me," Kili says in the girliest voice he can manage.

"All right. That's it. You're walking home."

Kili just continues to laugh and makes comments the ride home. I try to get annoyed and a little angry, but I can't. Kili's laughter is too contagious, and, what can I say? She was beautiful.

"How long do you think I should wait to text her?" I finally cave and ask.

"I don't know. Normally, I'd say wait a day. But, she seemed pretty interested. Go for it tonight." Kili offers his true opinion.

"All right. I'll do it." And I'm already nervous.

* * *

><p>"Kee, are you awake?" I ask, pushing open Kili's door. It's only 8:30, but Kili was feeling tired and had come up to his room a while ago. Exhaustion and fatigue- just a couple of factors that come along with the tumor.<p>

"Yeah." Kili is sprawled on his bed, one arm laying across his forehead.

"You ok?" I ask concerned.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a headache."

"Have you taken any of your pills? If it's bad, you should." Whenever Kili is hurting, my overprotective big brother instincts are in full force.

"No, it just started a few minutes ago. It's fine. Really. If it gets much worse, I'll take one, mom."

Brat. "Good, or I'll force it down your throat."

"Did you want something? Or did you just come in here to annoy me?" Kili snaps. "Sorry, I didn't mean it…" Kili sits up and his face tells me how sorry he really is. The mood swings are beginning to set in, too.

"No, it's ok. I know. But, if you're up to it, I need some help."

"Help? You're coming to me for help? Whatever for?" When I don't answer and my cheeks begin to redden, Kili smiles. "You don't know what to say to her, do you?"

I don't answer because it's embarrassingly true.

"Just say, 'Hi, it's Fili. You know? The boy who's madly in love with you?'"

I glare at him. "Cut it out."

"If you don't want my expertise, I can have Thorin help you." Kili begins to climb out of his bed.

"Don't you dare! Sit back down. Now." I stand in front of the doorway blocking the exit, just in case.

Kili laughs. "Please, I'm not that evil." He winces as the loudness and brightness of the room once again begins to hurt his head. "Can you turn the light off?" Kili reaches over to turn on his bedside lamp.

I flip the light switch beside the door down, turning the light off. Kili scoots over and lays down, on his back once again. I lean my back against the headboard and pull my knees up to my chest.

"Here it goes." I open the messages app on my phone and tap the 'New Message' option. I type in Éowyn's name, because I have already added it into my contacts… the minute she walked away from me at the park, and type. _"Hi, it's Fili. From the park today."_ And then I hit send.

"Breathe, Fee!" Kili hits my arm alarmed.

I release the breath I had been holding. "I'm ok. It's just a text. To a girl." I repeatedly tell myself.

"You need some serious help," Kili mumbles.

One minute and twelve seconds later, my phone buzzes. "It's her!" I exclaim in excitement.

"Yeah, I got that. Stop yelling, would ya?" Kili squeezes his eyes shut tightly, and moves his hand to his head.

"Sorry," I say with honest concern. "She said hi… with a smiley face."

"Yeah, that's the normal response. Now, you ask her, 'What's up?' or 'How are you?'"

"_How are you?"_ I type out.

A few seconds later, _"I'm well, thank you. How are you doing tonight?"_

"Now what?" I ask my brother.

Kili sighs. "Am I going to have to coach you through this entire relationship?"

"Maybe a little." I really don't know how to talk to girls. Especially one I really like. Kili on the other hand was a flirt.

"Ok then. Just ask her something simple to get to know her better. Play twenty questions. Anything like that. You can start by asking her about college and what she's studying."

"_That's good. So, what are you studying in college?"_ And from then on, we talked for another two hours. Just learning about each other. Kili realized I had stopped asking him for advice about forty minutes into the conversation. He promptly asked if everything was ok, and when I assured him it was, he rolled over and shut his eyes. But, he didn't sleep.

"Kee, take a pill." It's not a request, it's a demand.

To my surprise, Kili gets up and walks downstairs. A few minutes later, he comes back with two bottles of water in his hands. He tosses me one and opens his. Kili grabs the bottle of pills from his table and shakes one out. Then he swallows and coughs a few times. "Gahh."

"You ok?" I ask.

"Yeah, just didn't realize how big those pills really are." Kili says as he resumes his previous position on his bed.

Éowyn and I continue to ask each other questions. When I finally tell her good night, I lay my phone on Kili's table and lay down beside him.

"You're done for the night?" Kili inquires.

"Yep."

"Since you didn't ask for any more help, I can only assume you didn't dig yourself into too deep of a hole." Kili laughs lightly.

"For your information, I handled everything pretty well after the first bit. I've learned her college major, and her favorite things like, color, flower, and vacation spot. I've learned about her family and how much she loves animals. Her passions and her goals. All of her hobbies. Her favorite musical group. Everything. She's perfect, Kee. She is perfect." I finish with a smile on my face as I stare at the ceiling of Kili's bedroom.

"You did well, grasshopper." Kili says with a yawn.

"Thank you, sensei." I look at Kili. He looks exhausted.

"Well, I'm going to bed. Good night."

"Good night, handsome." Kili says with a girly voice.

* * *

><p>HELLO, EOWYN! What a nice surprise, right!? I can't help but think they would be a cute couple.<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

"Remember- the scan is at 12:30, but Bilbo wants Kili there at 11:45, so he can answer any questions Kili may have before the scan. Don't be a minute late. I mean it, Fili." Thorin instructs me as he grabs his briefcase and heads to the door.

"Yeah, I know, Uncle. Remember? I'm the responsible one."

"Yeah, well, just do it. Text me when it's all over. I may be busy, but I'll try to reply."

"Ok, got it." Thorin starts to say something again, but I cut him off. "Go, we'll be fine. Swear it."

Thorin gives a brisk nod of his head and heads out the door.

You'd think he was sending his kid off to school for the first time ever or something. I'm nervous too, but not that nervous.

I clean up the mess we made at breakfast and look at the clock: _9:30_. Kili should be waking up now. When Kili doesn't come downstairs by 10:00, I walk upstairs.

Kili's bedroom door is wide open and he isn't inside. I backtrack down the hall and hear retching from behind the bathroom door. I check the door, it's unlocked. I open and enter.

Kili is hugging the toilet and making the worst noise I have ever heard.

I walk over and hold Kili's curls back and rub soothing circles on his back. After a few minutes, Kili stops and leans back against the wall.

I get up and grab a washcloth, dampening it under the faucet. Kili wipes his mouth with a towel that is lying beside him and I lay the cloth on his head. After a few moments of silence, I ask, "Are you ok? Can you stand up?"

Kili nods his head and allows me to help pull him up.

I walk Kili back to his room where he promptly collapses back onto his bed. "Just nerves." He mutters.

_Maybe in part, but not all of it, _I think to myself. "Want some water?"

Kili points to his table. "There's a bottle on my nightstand."

"No there isn't," I answer looking at his table, empty of a water bottle.

"Must've fallen off." Kili says weakly.

I search the floor surrounding the table and find the bottle buried beneath an old book and a pillow.

Kili takes a sip and then places the bottle back on the table.

"It's 10:15. We're leaving in an hour."

"But my scan isn't until 12:30." Kili protests.

"Bilbo called and wants you there early just to go over everything once more."

"Great," Kili mumbles. "I'll be ready."

"Wear something comfortable, no metal."

"Yeah, I know. I've seen the list." Kili mumbles closing his eyes.

"I'll let you sleep a little longer, but you had better be ready to leave."

"Fee, I heard you. Now, please go."

I turn off the light and close the door behind me. This is already starting off as a bad day.

* * *

><p>We leave the house at 11:15 as planned and arrive at the hospital at 11:40. We then take the elevator to the basement where the outpatient waiting area is.<p>

"Can I help you?" the receptionist, Galadriel according to her nametag, asks from behind the little glass window.

"Yes, my brother is here to meet with Dr. Baggins."

"Just a moment." Galadriel walks out of the room and talks to someone I can't see.

A moment later, Bilbo walks out of the side door into the small waiting area. "Good morning! How are you two today?" His usual friendly smile is plastered on his face.

"Ok considering," I speak on behalf of myself and Kili, who is uncharacteristically quiet.

"If you will follow me, we can talk in private."

Kili and I follow Bilbo through the door he had entered in from and down a small hallway. We stop at a door marked "CONFERENCE ROOM" and enter.

"Please, take a seat." Bilbo suggests, taking a chair himself.

Kili sits down beside me and still doesn't say anything.

Bilbo realizes this and steps in. "You've had a couple of these before, so you are already familiar with the procedure; however, it is required that the technician go over the step-by-step process before giving you the scan. Just remember to stay as still as possible and listen to the commands that will be given to you via the intercom. You will be fine."

Kili finally asks a question. "How long will I have to be coming in for these?"

"Our hope is only for a few weeks. If your tumor continues to grow at a slow rate, we can space the scans out even further."

"And if it grows quickly?"

"Well, _if_ that happens, then we will discuss other forms of treatment. But, I believe that we will not have to go that route."

"Does 'treatment' involve surgery?" Kili asks.

"Surgery is a possibility. With a tumor of your grade though, surgery cannot indefinitely determine that a tumor will not return. Sometimes, the tumor does grow back and it is larger than it was pre-surgery." Bilbo informs us.

"So, it's kind of pointless?" Kili says with a defeated sigh. Apparently he has been considering this option.

"I wouldn't say it's pointless, but it is a possibility that it could do more negative than good. Radiation is your other option. It is a long, tiring process, but you are young and strong." Bilbo looks directly at Kili as he says the last part, trying to add emphasis to his words.

Even the thought of surgery makes me cringe. But, so does the radiation. And if it turned cancerous… I couldn't think about that. It would not come to that. Ever.

"Anything else you want to discuss?" Bilbo asks kindly. When neither of us answer, Bilbo continues with his inquiry. "I know I gave you a list of the symptoms last time we met. How are those so far?"

This time, I answer, knowing Kili wouldn't admit the whole truth. "He's still getting dizzy and the headaches are becoming more frequent. The mood swings are kicking in, too."

Bilbo chuckles. "Oh, that's always the best."

If it were anyone else, I wouldn't laugh. But, I can tell he genuinely cares. "You have no idea."

"I'm right here." Kili states firmly.

"He was also sick this morning. It was the first time. Kili said it was nerves, but I know better than that. It was a mixture of both."

Bilbo looks at Kili. "Have you eaten?" Kili shakes his head no. "I can get you some juice and maybe some crackers. Would that be ok?"

Kili thinks it over for a moment. "Yeah, I think that would be fine. Thank you."

"I'll be right back."

A couple of minutes later, Bilbo returned with two little cups of apple juice and a packet of graham crackers. "Thought you both might enjoy some."

"Thank you," Kili and I answer in unison.

"Well, if you have no further questions, I will be on my way. You can stay in here or return to the waiting area until time for your scan. You still have fifteen minutes. I wish you the best of luck." Bilbo rises and shakes both of our hands.

"Thank you," I say. Kili just nods his head.

We stay in the room, eating the crackers and drinking our juices.

"Is it going to stay down?"

"Yeah, it's fine." Kili replies when he drinks what remains of his juice.

"Well, I guess you should head on back." I give Kili a quick hug. "I'll be right out there in the waiting area, ok? It'll all be fine."

"Yeah, I know. See ya in a while."

* * *

><p>Thirty minutes later, Kili enters the waiting area.<p>

"All done?" I ask closing my book.

"Yeah, we're finished." Kili hands me a small piece of paper, "Same time next week."

"All right. Do you want to eat or go home?"

"Whichever."

"Well, I'm hungry. Let's get out of here and eat."

We stop at the Wendy's drive-thru. Kili gets only a small order of fries and a small Sprite. I can tell he isn't feeling well, so I decide I can just microwave my food at home.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Kili's hand move up to his mouth. We're only five minutes from home, but I don't think he can make it. I merge the car off onto the side of the road. Kili's door opens before I completely stop the car. He leaps out and crawls over to the small ditch.

I turn the car off and shut the door, locking the car.

I shove my keys into my front jeans pocket and run over to where Kili is disposing of the small amount of fries and Sprite he had managed to eat, and probably the small snack Bilbo had given him earlier. After a few minutes, Kili stops heaving and collapses into the grass along the small bank.

Luckily, I keep tissues and hand sanitizer in my car at all times. "I'm going to get something from the car, stay here."

Kili doesn't say anything, so I go with my instinct that he heard me.

I unlock the car and grab the box of tissues, the hand sanitizer, and the water I had been drinking. I lock the car again and make my way back to Kili.

I kneel in front of Kili and tap his left cheek softly. "Hey, bud. Wake up for a sec."

Kili opens his eyes. "This sucks," he moans.

"I know. But, here, take this and wipe your mouth." I hand him a few tissues I have dampened with the water.

Kili feebly wipes his mouth off. Crumbs of tissue left on his chin, stuck to his stubble. He can't grow a full beard like Thorin and I. It just grows to a nice five o'clock shadow and stays there.

I hand Kili the water. "Wash your mouth out."

Kili does so obediently and then takes a few careful sips.

"Can we go now?" Kili asks weakly.

"Yeah, just let me take this stuff back to the car first."

I do that and come back for my brother. "All right, let's go."

Kili is more than willing to let me help him walk back to the car. He stumbles a few times, but when we finally make it to the car, I open the passenger side door and help him inside. I reach across him and grab the hand sanitizer. "Rub this on your hands." He does. I place the small bottle back in the little cubby hole and fasten Kili's seatbelt.

"You ready?" I ask. Kili nods. "Lay your seat back if you want."

I send Thorin a text to tell him about what just happened. Kili has his head against the window, breathing slightly heavily. I suddenly remember his medication is in his room. We need to get home, now. I pull the car back onto the road and make the way home.

When we pull into the garage, Kili opens his door and tries to get out. When he can't move, he begins to panic. "Fili! Fili! Help me!"

I reach over and rub Kili's left arm. "Hey, Kee, calm down. You forgot to unbuckle your seatbelt."

Kili stops shaking. "Oh."

"Go on upstairs, I'll be there in a sec. Ok?"

Kili unbuckles his seatbelt. "Ok."

The disorientation was something new. This was his first experience with it and, honestly, I don't know who it scared more.

I pick up my phone and call Thorin. A text won't do this time.

"Did you make it home?" Thorin immediately asks. I guess he has seen my text.

"Yeah, that's why I was calling you… Kili is starting to experience the disorientation. He had his first attack when we got in the garage." My voice is not as calm as I would like it to be.

"What happened?" Thorin asks concerned.

"He opened his door and started yelling for my help and shaking. I reached over and rubbed his arm to get him to calm down. Uncle, he forgot to unbuckle his seatbelt." I can feel the tears appearing in the corners of my eyes.

"Where is he now?" Thorin's voice is gruff.

"I told him to go upstairs and that I would be there in a few. I'm still in the car."

"Ok, I'll be home in about an hour. Make sure he takes his medicine and try to get him to sleep."

"Ok. See ya in a while." The conversation ends and I head for the house.

* * *

><p>"Fili?"<p>

No answer.

I walk up the stairs and knock on Kili's door. "I'm not eating it, Fee."

I open the door and walk in. "Relax. It's me and I don't have food."

Kili lets out a sigh of relief. He looks pale and there is a light sheen of sweat on his brow.

"How are you feeling?"

"Marvelous. The only thing I can keep down is water."

I reach the palm of my hand to Kili's forehead. "You're freezing."

"Yeah, Fee's in the basement getting some more blankets from the winter storage."

"I should probably be getting that stuff out anyway. It's getting cold outside."

"I'm wishing for a beach right now. You can keep the snow." Kili says through his chattering teeth.

I give a small laugh. "Maybe I can just ship you off to some exotic island for the holidays."

"Give me some sunglasses and a couple of girls and I'm in." Kili says with a smirk.

"Keep dreamin', Romeo." Kili gives a small laugh which turns into a cough. "Did you take any medicine?"

"Yeah. Fili practically shoved it down my throat."

"I don't doubt that. Well, he should be back soon. I'm going to go downstairs and start on some dinner. Feel free to join us if you're up to it."

"Don't hold your breath," Kili mumbles.

I close the door behind me. Fili meets me on the stairs, carrying a container full of blankets. "Is he ok?"

"Yeah," I grab one end of the container and help Fili up the remaining stairs. "He's still lying there, freezing."

"Well, I guess I can fix that now."

"I was thinking we should probably be getting those boxes out soon anyway. It's getting pretty cold out. I think we're going to have a harsh winter this year."

"Yeah, I heard the same thing."

"You take care of Kili. I'm going to start on dinner. Let me know if you need anything."

I make my way to the kitchen. Spaghetti is something we haven't had in a while and my nephews both like it. Although, I'm not sure Kili will enjoy anything tonight.

I fill a pot with water and toss some noodles inside. I turn the stove on and set the pan of noodles on top to boil. I grab some butter from the fridge and add it to the noodles. Next, I get some tomato sauce, hamburger meat, and some spices and begin to make the sauce. While the sauce warms in a skillet, I grab the frozen garlic toast from the freezer. I preheat the oven and place the toast onto a cookie sheet. When I hear the beep, I put the bread into the oven. The bread finishes baking the same time the noodles and sauce are ready. Perfect timing.

I grab two plates and fill them with the spaghetti, sauce, and a slice of bread. I place them at the table and add a fork beside each plate. I wipe my hands on a towel, then walk to the stairs. "Dinner's ready!" I call out.

A few minutes later, Fili walks into the kitchen and sits down at his plate. "I gave him a couple of blankets. They seemed to help. He's sleeping now."

We sit in silence for a while. Then, I finally speak. "I wasn't there today, but I'm proud of how you handled everything. The appointment, the accident… this. Bilbo called me after the two of you left. He told me Kili did ok. He also told me about everything you guys covered in your Q & A."

"Everything?" Fili drops his fork and looks at me.

I know what he's talking about. "Yes. We just have to choose to believe that Kili's situation will not come to that."

"It's easier said than done," Fili says with an exhausted sigh. "I want to believe that, but it's hard. And then today… I don't know. I can't- I won't tell him that though. He needs to hear the encouragement because I know he doesn't feel like he can do it. But, after everything that's happened today, it's hard to be strong. It's hard to tell him to be brave and fight, when all I want to do is scream and cry and hit something out of frustration."

I can't think of enough words to help Fili. All I can say is, "I know," because he just described everything I was feeling, too. But, I couldn't admit that to my nephews. They needed me to be strong, and that's what I was going to do. Even if it killed me.


	8. Chapter 8

WEDNESDAY: TWO WEEKS LATER

Kili's symptoms have been increasing and becoming more frequent. The headaches are nearly constant; he may go three days at a time without holding anything but water; he is becoming confused and disoriented two to three times a day; he has no energy; the mood swings, well, they are ever present. Sometimes he changes within seconds. It's terrifying.

Nobody says a word, but we all know what is happening: the tumor is growing quickly.

So, now I sit in the waiting area, waiting for the news I know will come after Kili's session today. I try to read my book, but give up when I read the same sentence fifteen times and still don't understand it. I try to listen to the gossip in the nurses' station: something about Galadriel, the receptionist, having dinner with an old friend after many years of no communication. High school sweethearts, apparently. But, my attention doesn't stay there long either. I settle for just staring at the depressingly plain gray wallpaper.

"Fili, can you come back here for a minute?"

I look up. Bilbo is in the doorway, his usual cheery expression is gone. I swallow hard and walk down the hall with him. We end up in the conference room from Kili's first visit again. Kili is already there, eyes downcast and shaking.

"I guess you know why I've asked you two to join me," Bilbo begins. He pulls out three different images and slides them across the table to me. "These are of the tumor the past three weeks. As you can see, there was a gradual increase in size." Bilbo pauses and slides me another picture. "This is from today."

I cannot stop the loud gasp that leaves my mouth as I look at the image in front of me. The tumor has grown excessively in a period of seven days. I try to speak, but all that comes out is a weird strangled noise in the back of my throat. I look at Kili. He hasn't moved a muscle.

"I'm scheduling an MRI for Kili, Friday afternoon. It will give a more accurate image than the CT scan. I'm hoping that there was a glitch in the cameras because it is very unlikely that it has grown so much in the past week. I'll have Galadriel call you this evening and make the final appointment.

"I'm sorry I can't tell you something else. But know this, I will do everything in my will power to make this process as quick and painless as possible. I will not stop until Kili has beaten this. We will all fight together." Bilbo pauses and sits up straighter in his chair. "Now, I have to go because I have another appointment coming up. You have my office number, but, here is my home phone as well." He hands me a card. "Call me if you need anything. I will respond as quickly as possible. I will see you Friday."

Nothing. That's what I think, feel. Total and complete numbness. And then I'm nauseated.

I run out of the room, past the waiting area, and to the bathroom across the hall. Thankfully, it is empty. I fall to my knees and dispel whatever was left in my stomach. When I finally stop heaving, I stand up and drag myself to the sink. I wash my hands and face. I don't even recognize myself- the life has completely left my eyes.

I walk back to the waiting area where Kili is talking to Galadriel.

"Balin's coming to pick us up." Kili tells me. He sounds dead, too.

"What about my car?"

"He's dropping off Dwalin. He'll drive it to the house."

"I will see you two Friday. Try to enjoy the rest of your day. Get a good night's rest. Tomorrow may be a better day," Galadriel offers with a smile. In all the time we've spent here, this is the most she has spoken to either of us.

Despite my sullen mood, I thank her.

Kili and I take the elevator to the first floor and wait in the lobby.

The world around me blurs. My focus doesn't settle on my brother, but on a little boy about six years old. He has a dark head, covered in curls. He's running around with another little kid, laughing and enjoying himself. It's like I'm reliving the past, watching Kili, so full of life and laughter.

Only, this isn't Kili. It's a random kid in a hospital lobby. Where Kili's tumor has just been proven to be growing at an alarming rate.

I don't know how long I sit there, just staring, but I come back to the present when I hear a deep, familiar voice calling my name.

"Fili? Fili, snap out of it. Fili?"

_Dwalin_.

I shake myself, bringing me back to the present. "Yeah?"

"I need your keys, son."

"Oh, right." I reach into my front jeans pocket and hand him the keys. "It's on the third floor of the garage. Near the second elevator."

Dwalin nods and leaves.

"Fili, lad. Are you coming?"

_Balin_.

I stand up, not saying a word and follow Balin and Kili to the elevator. When we reach the fourth floor, we walk to Balin's car. No one makes a sound on the ride home.

* * *

><p>I open the door to my home and walk inside. It's too quiet.<p>

"Fili? Kili? Are you boys home?"

I check the kitchen: empty. The living room: Balin.

_Balin?_ Immediately an alarm goes off in my head.

"They're sleeping." Balin's voice sounds calm and full of wisdom, as usual. But I know something is wrong.

"Just tell me." I command my old friend and mentor.

"It's grown remarkably fast in the past week. The CT scan may have glitched and given an inaccurate image. Kili is having an MRI done Friday afternoon. Galadriel, Bilbo's receptionist, will be calling you this evening to confirm the appointment. The procedure is basically the same, but the MRI will give a more detailed and accurate image."

My knees feel weak, but somehow I manage to summon the willpower to remain standing. "How did you get here?"

"Kili called me. Fili was not in good health and Kili was afraid that he wouldn't be able to drive. Dwalin and I drove to the hospital. Once there, Dwalin took Fili's keys and brought the car back here. I drove the boys back in my car. I sent them to bed and stayed because I know they needed me to do this."

"Where's Dwalin?" He may not be the most sympathetic person, but he is my best friend.

"I believe he is out back."

Dwalin never shows emotion, but I know he cares for my nephews deeply. This news is hard on him, too.

"How long do you plan on staying here?" If they are intending on staying the night, I should get things prepared in the guest bedrooms.

Balin thinks for a moment. "My original intentions were to be here for you when you got home. I did not want to have them tell you the latest. It would not be good for them. If you need me to stay, I will."

"I think we'll be ok tonight." _Think_ being the keyword.

"In that case, I will find my brother, and we will be on our way." Balin stands up, but before he leaves the room, he turns and looks at me. "Thorin, if you need anything, do not hesitate to call. I know tonight is going to be anything but fine. I love you all as if you were my very own. I will be here, and so will the other guys, as long as you need us. Kili is a very important factor in all of our lives. Never forget that."

I can feel the tears threatening to leave my eyes. I nod my head, not trusting my voice. Balin gives me a soft pat on the arm, and then he disappears from the room. I remain standing here in the living room until I hear the engine of a car leaving the premises.

I walk up the stairs needing to see my nephews. Both of their doors are shut, lights off.

I check Kili's first. Cracking open the door as silently as possible, I peek my head around the door. Sure enough, Kili is passed out on his bed, sound asleep. I pry myself away from the door because I know if I continue to stay here, I will have a massive breakdown and that isn't acceptable. Especially in the presence of another person.

I close the door behind me softly, and go to Fili's door. I ease the door open and see Fili asleep on his bed. I notice that he didn't bother to cover himself with a blanket. Out of paternal instincts, I grab a blanket from a pile on the floor, and drape it over Fili's sleeping body. The pillow beneath his head is wet from the tears he had been crying.

"We're going to get through this. All of us. For Kili." I whisper, as I walk to the door.

As I close the door behind me, my ears hear a faint, "I know." And it is all the encouragement I need. It is also the final stimulant to my breaking emotions.

I walk to my room, close the door behind me, and cry.

* * *

><p>"<em>Don't worry about coming in today. I'll take care of everything. –Dori"<em>

I read the text and immediately sigh in relief. I hadn't had the courage and willingness to notify Dori of my plans to stay home today. Balin has apparently beaten me to the task. Bless him.

I look at the time on my phone: 8:30. _Didn't sleep last night, not gonna get any now._ I think to myself and drag my feet over the side of the bed. I hadn't even bothered to change clothes. Still wearing my white button-down dress shirt, blue and black pinstriped tie, and black dress pants. The shirt has become partially untucked and everything is disheveled. I know if my nephews see me still in my wrinkled work clothes, they would know how hard I had taken the news. So, I change into old sweatpants and a Gondor Law School t-shirt.

Both of my nephew's doors are still shut, but I can hear the shower running in the bathroom at the end of the hall.

I knock on Fili's door and here a mumbled, "Mornin'."

"Kili's in the shower. Do you feel like breakfast?" I ask through the closed door.

"I can try." I'm pretty sure that's how we all feel this morning.

"Ok."

I walk down to the kitchen and decide to make scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast. A few minutes later, I hear feet padding against the tile floor of the kitchen.

"What time did you get home?"

"5:15, same as usual."

"I'm sorry."

I turn around to look at my youngest nephew. Kili is wearing old sweatpants and a sweatshirt he bought last summer when we vacationed in the Misty Mountains. His head of chestnut curls are still wet, making them stick out in every direction, a few on his forehead. There is no color in his face except for the deep blue circles beneath his eyes, evidence of a sleepless night. His dark brown eyes are half open and hold none of the liveliness that they normally do. The young man standing before me isn't Kili at all; merely a being that has taken over Kili's form, but not Kili. Not my Kili.

"Don't worry about it. We're all going to be fine, ok?" Kili gives a slight nod of his head and sits down at the table. "Do you feel like eating? There's eggs, bacon, and toast."

"Just some toast, thanks." I know he's sick now because bacon is Kili's favorite. If there is bacon involved, Kili will try it. One year at the county fair, Kili challenged himself to eating anything and everything possible with bacon. He did. The results were disastrous. Bacon wasn't found in our kitchen for a month after because the thought of it alone made him sick.

The thoughts of this occurrence bring a small laugh from my throat.

"What's so funny?"

"You remember that time at the county fair when you ate everything with bacon?"

Kili gives a small laugh in response. "Yeah, couldn't think of it, look at it, or smell it for a month after."

"And then I did everything in my power to make sure bacon was mentioned at least twice a day."

Neither of us had heard Fili enter. He grabs two coffee mugs for the both of us, and a glass for Kili's orange juice. Fili and I drink too much coffee for our own good. Kili never liked it. Besides, the caffeine would not be good for his hyper-activeness, or for anyone in his presence.

"I hated you for that, by the way."

"I think we both did," I answer in agreement with Kili's last statement. That one gets a laugh from Kili, a real laugh. Or the closest thing to one that he has offered for a few weeks.

"I'm hurt." Fili says dramatically and places his hand over his heart.

"Sure ya are," Kili says still laughing.

I listen to the banter that my nephews indulge in as I finish cooking breakfast. Maybe today isn't going to be so bad after all.

* * *

><p>"I'm going outside. Want to join me?" Kili asks from my doorway.<p>

"Uh, yeah, sure. What are we doing?" I close my laptop and grab my phone from where it lays charging on my desk.

"I don't know. I just want to get out." Kili admits.

I laugh. "C'mon then."

"Uh, you might want to grab some shoes and a sweatshirt. It is late October." Kili says, eyeing my form.

"Ever the observant eye," I say, pulling on my Nike's and a sweatshirt. I look at Kili. We are now wearing the exact same sweatshirt, but different colors: Kili's a cerulean blue, mine a forest green.

"Copy-cat," Kili laughs. I shove his arm slightly in passing and we walk down the stairs together.

"Where are you going?" Thorin asks as we pass his home office room.

"Just out back for a while," Kili answers.

"All right. Don't burn anything down." Thorin warns.

He'll never let us live that one down. One little experience when I was eleven and Kili was eight. We accidentally discovered that a magnifying glass and the sun could make a fire, and ended up catching the yard on fire. Thorin was quick to get the water hose. The fire was gone almost as quick as it had started. Kili and I didn't sit for too long a time for the next few days.

"Uncle, accidents happen," Kili says innocently.

"Yeah, well, there had better not be any 'accidents' today."

I can hear the air quotation marks and imagine Thorin rolling his eyes as he does his paperwork.

"We'll see," Kili says mischievously.

* * *

><p>"Want to go for a swim?" Kili asks, slipping an arm out of one of his sleeves.<p>

"Are you crazy!? Put that back on!"

"Relax, Fee. The pool's empty... But the creek isn't."

"No! NO! Absolutely not! Get back here!" I yell frantically as Kili runs toward the edge of the woods.

The border between our yard and the forest is separated by a deep creek and a small walking bridge. Kili and I spent many summers in this creek. When Thorin decided that we couldn't be torn apart from the water, he had an in-ground pool built in the back yard. This led to my love for swimming. I joined the school swim team and won nationals two years in a row. When I turned sixteen, I spent my summers volunteering as a lifeguard at the local pool. I spent my first summer home from college at the pool, and regretted every minute of it because I didn't spend time with my family. After that, I never volunteered again.

Kili is now standing on the edge of the bridge, his sweatshirt on the ground beside him. "One… Two… Three!"

"NO!" I reach forward and grab Kili's arm, roughly pulling him back. We collide, and at the impact, fall into a heap on the ground.

"WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?! YOU ARE SO STUPID SOMETIMES!" I'm furious.

I wait for the backlash I know is coming. Then I am surprised as Kili bursts out into laughter. Real, genuine laughter.

"You-you should-'ve seen yo-ur face!" Kili barely manages to say due to his incessant laughter.

I, however, do not find the situation as amusing. I shove my brother off of me and push myself off the ground. When I begin to briskly walk away, Kili stops laughing.

"Where are you going?"

"Back inside." I answer curtly.

"Fee, it was a joke." Kili insists as he jogs to keep up with me.

I spin around, almost knocking Kili over in the process. "It wasn't a joke, Kili, because it wasn't funny."

"Fee, lighten up. I wasn't actually going to jump." Kili tells me, trying to sound serious.

"How am I supposed to believe that? You're reckless and don't think about anything you do until you do it! You've survived this far, but one day your luck is going to run out Kee, and I won't be there to stop you."

"Like, now." Kili says, all joking matter has left his form. His voice is grave and his body is rigid. "That's what all this is about. You're afraid you can't save me this time." It isn't a question. Kili knows exactly what's going on in my mind.

I don't say anything- the silence speaking for me.

"I don't even think I can save myself this time." Kili admits in a whisper.

My heart breaks at his admission. I knew Kili wasn't confident about this entire situation, we all did. But, he had never said it out loud. And now, because I'm stupid and the worst person on the planet, I've just admitted to Kili that I think the same thing. No, those weren't my exact words, but everything is implied.

"Gah, no, Kili, no, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." I fall to the ground, my knees suddenly giving out.

And then, Kili wraps his arms around me and gives me a hug. It's not strange, but it is unusual since I'm the one who usually initiates the hug. We were best friends, brothers, but it was always a little awkward outwardly showing affection. I guess it is for all men, regardless of your relationship.

"It's ok, Fee. It's not your fault." Kili is trying to sound assuring, but it's not working out as planned.

"But it is. Kee, you're my little brother. I'm not supposed to let anything bad happen to you. I'm supposed to protect you and help you grow and teach you. And I've failed."

"You're an idiot."

At this statement, I pull back, breaking all physical contact with my brother and stare at him. "Excuse me?"

"You didn't do this to me. No one did. It just happened. You haven't made it worse and you haven't made it any better. Well, physically. But, you have in a way. Just being here and taking me to all of those appointments and never leaving my side; being my big brother. Am I happy about this? No. But am I going to fight knowing I have the support of those I love the most? You bet your—"

"KILI!"

"I cannot believe you would think I would use such language." Kili says, feigning hurt at my accusations.

"You have been spending entirely too much time around Dwalin and Bofur."

"Or maybe not enough," Kili adds. I give him my best "don't test me" glare. "Or, maybe I have. C'mon, it's getting cold." Kili grabs his sweatshirt and puts it back on. He stands back up and I can see his legs shaking. Kili puts his arms out in front of him to stable himself.

"You ok?" I ask in concern, standing up beside my brother.

"Yeah, just a little dizzy. Head hurts a little."

"Nobody slept last night. A nap would do us both some good." The idea of sleep sounds glorious, and now I think I can actually participate in the act. This small talk with Kili helped a little.

"I couldn't agree more, brother."

When we enter the house, Thorin is still in his office. "Hey, come in here for a sec."

We do so obediently. Thorin looks up from his keyboard where he was typing rapidly. "Gloin called. Everybody is going to Bombur's restaurant tonight for Bifur's birthday. You guys want to go?"

"Yeah, sounds fun." Kili answers for the both of us.

"All right. We're leaving at 6:30. The reservation is set for 7:00."

Kili wobbles a little, but catches himself on the door frame. Thorin notices this and immediately asks, "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, just a little dizzy. Head hurts a little, too. I'm going to get some sleep considering I didn't get any last night."

"Me too," I butt in.

"Ok, get some sleep. Be ready to leave at 6:30."

Thorin turns back to his keyboard and resumes typing. I didn't miss the dark circles under his eyes or the fact that his eyes were barely open themselves. The coffee on his desk was the only thing keeping him awake right now.

Kili notices this, too. "Uncle, get some sleep. Work can wait, I'm sure."

Thorin looks like he is about to protest, but when Kili keeps looking at him with his "do it or else" expression, he stops.

"Maybe a few hours wouldn't be too bad."

"Or five." Kili mutters, walking away.

Kili walked to his room and I immediately followed to mine. I fell down on the sheets, suddenly exhausted. And then I slept, the first uninterrupted sleep I had had in a long time.

Apparently everybody else did too, because I woke up to Thorin frantically pounding on my bedroom door.

"It's 6:45, we're late!"

I roll over and then finally summon the energy to get up. I grab some nice jeans from a chest drawer and then find my favorite flannel shirt from the closet. I find my boots under my bed and slip them on.

I exit the room the same time Kili exits his. He's wearing jeans and a plaid, flannel shirt much like myself, but has his favorite converses on his feet. While I have regained most of my energy, Kili still looks half asleep. I notice he squints at the hallway light.

"Headache worse?"

Kili nods. "Yeah, I took one of those pills though. I'll be ok."

"_C'mon! I've already called them we're running late!"_ Thorin yells from downstairs.

"Coming!" I yell back down. I turn to look at Kili again. "I'm not going to make you stay here, but if it gets worse, I'm telling Thorin and we're leaving, whether you like it or not."

"I'll be fine! Let's just go, ok?" Kili snaps and walks towards the stairs.

Sometimes I just want to smack him. This is one of those times.


	9. Chapter 9

As soon as we got in the car, Thorin knew something was wrong. And because Kili obviously wasn't in a pleasant mood, I told him to just drive because we were going to be even later than we had originally been.

Kili was dozing now, his head against the window, arms wrapped tight around his stomach.

Thorin looked in the rearview mirror, and quickly brought his eyes back to the road. "What's really wrong with him?"

It's almost a whisper. The last thing we need to do is wake Kili up by talking about him.

"His headache is worse than it was earlier and he's still pretty dizzy. He said he took one of those pills though, so he should be feeling better in a while." I reply just as quietly.

"Do you think he slept this afternoon?" Thorin asks.

"I don't know. I was out cold. Quite honestly, that was the best sleep I have gotten in a while." I can't help but think I won't be getting that good of a rest for another long while.

Well, it was good while it lasted.

"Sorry," Thorin mumbles. "But, we were running late. I overslept, too."

"Did you sleep well?"

"I did. I tried so hard to lay there longer, but then I saw what time it was, and knew I had a commitment to uphold."

"Guess we're in the same boat then."

Silence follows and we make the remainder trip to the restaurant in silence.

Kili wakes up as we pull into the parking lot. "'Bout time. I'm starving." He says as he stretches his arms and yawns.

"Am I going to have to rob a bank tonight with your hungry appetite?" Thorin asks with a slight laugh. I can see he's happy at the news of Kili's apparent appetite. I am too because Kili doesn't eat much at all anymore.

"Nah, you won't need that much money. Maybe a small gas station."

"I'll remember that it was your idea when I'm arrested."

"Fee, will bail you out. I'll be long gone, on a deserted island in the Caribbean."

Now I step in. "How am I supposed to bail him out when you have all the money with you on that island?"

"You'll figure something out. You're smart." Kili says as if he really expects it to happen.

"Not that smart." I say. Thorin and Kili laugh. "Thanks, guys." I try to sound annoyed but I end up laughing along with them.

Kili leads the way into the restaurant and heads toward the back party room.

"I have arrived! Let the festivities commence!" Kili opens the double doors to the room, and throws his arms in the air as if in celebration. I just roll my eyes behind his back, but I feel a sense of happiness at seeing Kili acting like his normal self for once. I look up at Thorin, his expression matching mine perfectly.

There is the briefest moment of stunned silence. Then, a chorus of laughter and cheery greetings.

"Kili, good to see you lad!"

"How are you doing?"

"Come, sit!"

"What kind of trouble have you gotten into today, kiddo?"

At this last question, Bofur promptly replies. "Can't be too bad. Thorin's hair still hasn't turned grey!"

Another chorus of laughter rings out through the room. As Thorin passes Bofur, he promptly knocks him upside the head for that last comment.

"Well, happy birthday, Bifur!" I say, directly to Bifur once the chaos of Kili's grand entry calms down a little.

"Thank you, lad. I'm glad you all could make it." Bifur reaches over and gives me a friendly pat on the back as I sit beside him.

Kili sits directly across from me. I like this arrangement because it gives me a good reason to keep my attention on him for the duration of the dinner, just in case. Bifur never enjoyed being the center of attention, so he was seated along the side of the table, between me and Nori. At the head of the table sits, Bofur; to his left is Dwalin, Thorin, Kili, Ori, and Balin. Gloin is seated at the other end of the table; to his left is Dori, Oin, me, Bifur, and Nori.

"Will Bombur be joining us?" Thorin asks. I am wondering the same thing.

"He will be stepping in when he can. He may own the place, but as manager, he has certain responsibilities he cannot remove himself from on such short notice." Bofur answers regarding his brother.

"I know what that's like."

I can hear the slight resignation in my uncle's voice. I know he means nothing by it, but it still upsets me to think that he could be doing so much more with his life if he didn't have so many responsibilities.

The friendly chatter continues. I keep my focus on Kili, but he seems to be enjoying himself. He and Ori are currently discussing Ori's new book that he is writing. The guy always had a passion for writing. It was good to know he was using it for the good.

"Do you know when it will be published?" I butt in.

"Oh, no. I still haven't figured out an ending yet." Ori says, blushing slightly.

That's another reason I always liked Ori. He was sweet and innocent, and out of all our friends, the politest. His story was much like mine and Kili's: his parents died when he was young and his two older brothers stepped in to raise him, much like Thorin did for us. It was hard on Nori, especially. Nori is an interesting guy. He had a dark past, and got messed up in drugs and spent many nights in jail for "disturbing the peace" when he was younger. But, he eventually got his act together and now works as a security guard. Dori has always been the sophisticated, parental figure. He also works as an attorney for Thorin's law firm. Ori is quiet and timid, and gets his good manners from Dori. But, when he is angry, his characteristics are much like a more subtle version of Nori's.

"Well, since I know the author, do you think I could get a sneak peak before it's published?" I ask with a smile.

Ori laughs. "We'll see how it goes."

"Hey, I want one, too!" Kili adds enthusiastically.

"Kee, we all know you aren't going to read a book." I say with just a hint of sarcasm. Kili didn't have nearly the attention span needed to read a book.

"Oh, I know. My plan is to use it to get girls. This way, when Ori becomes all rich and famous, I can tell girls that the author is a very good friend of mine, and that I have connections." Kili says with a smug grin, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back in his chair.

Ori and I both burst into a fit of laughter at this. Kili promptly sits up straight in his chair. "We'll see who's laughing when I get all the girls I want."

"That had better be just one girl," Thorin adds in with his best fatherly tone.

"Oh, yes, sir. That's what I meant. When I meet the one girl." Kili mumbles and hangs his head.

This just causes more laughter from everybody, including Thorin.

"What's so funny that I don't know about happening in my own restaurant?" Bombur asks joyfully as he walks through the door.

"Kili was just discussing how he is going to use Ori's book to meet girls." I tell Bombur, as I finally calm my laughter. Now I am just shaking in my chair.

Bombur laughs and gives Kili a friendly pat on the back. It's a little harder than he intended, and Kili wobbles in his chair. His eyes grow big for a second, but then he just grins his signature grin. "Good to see you, lad!"

"You too, Bombur! Now, I'm hungry. Who's with me?" Kili asks the table.

"Hear, hear!" The large group answers in unison.

"Now, this I can fix. What'll it be, boys?" And then Bombur makes his way around the table, taking orders. I order a steak, medium well, and some of Bombur's signature mashed potatoes. I don't know what the secret is, but they are heaven.

The conversations continue as we all wait for our food. Oin subtly asks me about Kili. I give him the latest: from the time the news was broken to us yesterday, leading up to the ride to the restaurant. Oin nods his head and tells me that things are sounding as normal as can be for Kili's condition. He also assures me that all will be better soon and Kili will be happy and healthy once again. I thank him for the thoughts, but don't mention my own doubts. There are too many people in this room for that conversation.

Bombur, along with four other waiters, bring our food in about twenty minutes later. After a chorus of, "Thank you" and "Watch it. It's hot!" we dig in and eat our food. As always, Bombur and his staff do not disappoint. The talk has quieted significantly now that people are too busy chewing and not conversing, but there is still a steady banter of talk.

Kili is halfway through his burger, when he stops eating. I watch him raise his arm and rub the back of his neck. He takes a few careful sips of his water, and resumes eating his fries. After a few make their way to his mouth, he stops once again, grabbing his head.

I see Thorin make a sly glance out of the corner of his eye toward Kili. His eyes widen only a little, but I see it. Thorin resumes eating his steak, and talking with Dwalin in between bites.

Kili doesn't attempt to touch his food anymore. Instead, he brings his glass closer and holds it close to his mouth, taking small sips every so often. I finish my steak and am about to take a drink of my tea, when Kili stands up and excuses himself.

"Is he all right?" Bifur asks full of concern. All eyes at the table turn to Kili's empty seat.

Thorin looks at the empty seat beside him. "He had a headache this morning and tried to sleep it off. He told Fili that he took his medication before we left. It should be working by now."

"He was dizzy again this morning, too." I add.

"I had better go check on him," Thorin stands, lying his fork down.

"No, I'll go. You're still eating." I take a drink of my tea and leave the room.

"_I hope he's ok."_

"_Poor kid."_

It's good to know Kili has friends who care about him. All through high school, he had a select few friends. It took a special person to handle Kili. But most people just weren't willing to give it a chance. When Kili graduated, his best friend, Legolas, left for college. Legolas kept in touch for a while, but eventually had notified Kili that he would be leaving the country for a job he had gotten teaching archery to Olympic trainees. Kili was elated at the news of the success of his friend and wished him the best. But, I knew Kili was upset that he would probably never see his friend again.

I find the bathroom and the silence scares me. Ten stalls are lined along the wall and I begin the search for Kili, bending over to look for feet peeking out from beneath the door.

"Kili?" Then I hear it, the frantic breathing.

"Kili? Where are you?"

_Four. Five. Six. Seven. Converses._

"Kili, I'm here. Come out." I announce attempting to open the door to the seventh stall.

I hear shuffling as Kili scoots himself over on his knees and unlocks the stall door. He pulls it open and crawls out, panting for breath.

"Kili, c'mon. Deep breaths." I encourage him as I kneel in front of him. After a few moments, Kili's breathing becomes more normal. "I thought you took some medicine?"

"Did. Not do-" Kili pauses for a breath, "doing its job correctly."

"It'll start working soon. Do you think you can stand?" I already know the real answer, but Kili will try to do it anyway. Stubborn kid.

Kili nods his head and pulls himself to his knees. His legs are shaking too badly and he can't seem to get a foothold to push himself up. I reach down and pull him to his feet. At first I think he is going to make it, then his face turns a strange shade of green.

"Fee." Kili gasps.

And then his guts explode across the floor.

I know there is no use in trying to drag him into a stall or over to a sink. He's too weak to move and he won't stop vomiting. I start to panic as I hold Kili's curls back from his face, feeling how warm he is. I rub soothing circles across his back and whisper encouragements into his ear. Finally, he stops. The ordeal has left him completely drained and he falls limp into my arms.

Thorin. I need to call Thorin.

I lay Kili on the floor, putting his head in my lap. I reach into my jeans pocket- empty.

"I left my phone on the table. Do you have yours?"

"Ba…poc't." Kili attempts to answer me.

I reach into his back pocket and dial Thorin's number, not caring to interrupt his dinner.

I dial Thorin's number. As soon as the ringing stops, I say one word knowing it's all the information Thorin needs: "Hurry."

* * *

><p><em>They should be back by now.<em>

I was zoned out of the conversation I was currently having with Bifur and Dwalin. I don't even know what they're talking about anymore, nor do I care. Something isn't right. I would blame it on a father's prerogative, but I guess right now it would be an uncle's prerogative.

I lay my hand on my phone, hoping for some kind of notification as to where my nephews have disappeared to.

Then I feel it. The slightest beginning of a vibration. I slide my screen to answer the phone call even before the annoying music begins to play.

"_Hurry."_

That's all I need.

I throw the chair I am sitting in back and run. I know there are nine pairs of eyes watching me. But I don't say anything. They all know what's happening.

I run through the restaurant at break-neck speed. I know I'm running into people, tables, the bar, but I don't care. I can't even mutter an apology. Only one word can make its way out of my heart, up my throat, into my mouth, and off my tongue.

"KILI!"

The restroom is inconveniently located on the opposite side of the building. I make the trip in record time regardless of the traffic.

"Kili! Kili! KILI!" I repeatedly yell, as I run through the archway that enters into the restroom. I follow the hallway, turning right and then right again.

"Over here!" I hear Fili yell.

"What happened?" I demand, as I run over to where my nephews are placed in the floor. Fili is sitting with his legs stretched out in front of him, his back to a closed stall door. Kili's head is resting in his lap. I notice my youngest is breathing somewhat erratically and there is a prominent stench of vomit.

"I found him in that stall," Fili points to the aforementioned object. "He was shaking and his breathing was out of control. He crawled out and then finally got his breathing under control. He tried to stand up to leave and then he just collapsed and wouldn't stop vomiting. I got scared. He finally stopped and he was spent. He just collapsed into my lap. That's when I called you."

I kneel beside Kili's pale frame. He looks so fragile and young. I lay my hand to his forehead and the heat emanating from his skin surprises me. "Fee, go get Oin. Now."

Fili lifts Kili's head off his lap and places it in mine. "Hang on, little brother."

I can hear the heartbreak in Fili's voice, followed by his pounding feet as he runs to get Oin.

Kili begins to move his head from side to side and emits a sound that breaks my heart.

"Kili, it's all right. I'm here. You are going to be ok." I reassure him as I run my hands through his soft curls. Kili looked just like his mother, my sister, Dis. He had her hair and her chocolate brown eyes, not to mention her stubbornness. He had inherited his father's personality and build though: small but strong.

"Oh," Kili mumbles trying to roll over onto his side. I immediately know what is going to follow and help turn him on his side, holding him steady. The retching begins soon after. I don't know how anything else could be inside him, but apparently there is. The retching turns into dry heaves and eventually it all stops.

I roll Kili back into my lap and cradle his head in my hands. I wipe a single tear from his cheek. "Shh, shhh, it's ok. You're ok."

Kili's eyes are closed and he isn't making a sound, but he seems to respond to my voice. He stops shaking and let's out an exhausted sigh sinking further into my lap.

"What's the problem?" Oin inquires as he kneels down beside us.

I didn't even hear him enter. "I suppose Fili filled you in?" At Oin's nod I continue. "He started shaking again. Then threw up even more. I don't know how he managed that one. He's burning up."

"I hate to say this, but it's all normal. There is nothing extra wrong with him. It's all just happening so fast. You said he took some medicine before coming here tonight?"

"Yes," I answer my friend, though my eyes never leave Kili's face.

"It could be that the medication is making his symptoms worse. It might be an allergic reaction or too strong a dose." Oin informs me in his most professional voice.

"I'll talk to his doctor tomorrow when he goes in for his MRI."

"Don't you mean I will?" Fili asks, catching my use of pronoun.

"I'm going tomorrow. This is more important. Dori will understand." I insist, leaving no room for argument.

"If you give me the keys, I can get the car and bring it up to the back entrance." Fili offers.

"Don't worry about it. Nori is already waiting with your car in the back." Oin says.

"What do you mean? I've had the keys the entire night!" I ask raising my voice. Kili makes a noise at the unwelcome sound and I apologize.

"Don't ask me how he does it. His fingers are like magnets." Oin says with a hint of jest.

I might have found it a little humorous if I wasn't so focused on Kili. Most likely not, but maybe.

"I'll go tell the others what's happening. You three be safe. Call us when you get home." Oin says standing up, and giving Fili a pat on the back before leaving.

"All right. You lead the way." I motion to Fili as I stand. I bend over and carefully lift Kili into my arms. I know if he wasn't so out of it, he would protest at me carrying him. But he's trying his hardest just to stay awake right now, so this is the best option. I haven't carried either of my nephews like this since they were kids. It feels a little awkward at first because Kili is grown now, and no longer the little child running around laughing and causing mischief. Instead, he is a seventeen year old shell of that happy kid. I adjust Kili's weight in my arms and follow Fili out of the restroom and to the back entrance, making our exit.

Sure enough, Nori is standing beside my car, the back door open.

"There had better not be anything missing," I grumble as I lay Kili in the back seat. Fili had gotten in first and now pulls Kili's head onto his lap.

"No worries. It's all there." Nori says seriously. He is always a serious character, but I know now that it isn't a con. This seriousness is a worried seriousness.

"Thanks," I say, catching the keys in my hand as Nori tosses them to me.

I put the key into the ignition, start the car, put the gear in drive, and leave the restaurant, heart set on getting home without any more unwanted actions.

* * *

><p>After I carry Kili's sleeping form up the stairs and lay him on his bed, Fili insists that he sits with Kili through the night. I try to protest but Fili doesn't let up on his demands.<p>

"If you're going tomorrow, you need sleep. Or at least attempt to. Don't worry. If something happens, I'll wake you. He'll probably just sleep the rest of the night anyway. We'll be fine. Promise."

"Come get me immediately." I restate Fili's initial promise.

"Yes. Now, please, go to bed." Fili is practically shoving me out the door.

"Good night." I say into the room.

Fili is the only voice to answer though. "Good night, uncle."

I stand there behind the closed door for a few minutes, just listening to the silence. After convincing myself that nothing is happening, I walk down the hall to my room.

I collapse onto my bed, but I know sleep is not in my future.


	10. Chapter 10

At some point during the night, I must have fallen asleep because now, as I open my eyes, I am blinded by a ray of morning sunshine beaming through my bedroom window.

Fili didn't awaken me through the night, so I can only assume Kili is ok. Or as ok as he could be after last night's ordeal.

I look at the glowing green lights of the clock beside my bed: 10:13. I don't remember setting an alarm, so I've woken up on my own account.

I remember Kili's appointment is scheduled for 2:15 this afternoon. I plan on getting there early though, so I can talk to Bilbo. If he's busy, I'm sure he can schedule some time in for me after the scan. If not, he will have to because I'm not leaving until we've discussed the medication.

With more effort than I thought I would need, I push myself out of bed. I notice I'm still wearing my clothes from the night before. No use in changing, it can wait til I shower.

I walk down to the opposite end of the hall and stop in front of the third door on the right. I press my ear against the door: silence. I turn the knob and slowly ease the door open.

Fili is slouched over in Kili's desk chair which he has moved over to the side of the bed. His legs are stretched out in front of him, ankles crossed. His left arms is wrapped across his stomach. His right arm is stretched out onto the bed, his hand laying protectively on Kili's right arm. His head is laying on his outstretched arm, his blond locks creating a waterfall over his shoulder. He's still wearing his clothes from the previous night- proof that he hasn't left Kili's side since we arrived home.

"Fili?" My deep voice whispers. It's enough to wake him.

Fili sits up abruptly, eyes flying open. "Kili?"

"He's sleeping."

Fili turns his head, eyes meeting mine. "'Morning," he mumbles midst a yawn.

"Good morning. No problems last night?"

"No, he just slept. It really wore him out yesterday. His fever left around 4. I think it was caused by the medication, like Oin suggested."

I consider this. I'm beginning to believe it, too. "I think he'll be fine. Go take a shower. I'll make some breakfast." I watch as Fili makes no move to leave, his hand staying on Kili's arm. "Fili, he'll just sleep some more. If he wakes up, he'll come find us. He'll feel much better this morning, I know it. Now go. Your stench alone might be what's keeping him knocked out."

"Likewise, uncle." Fili says with a slight laugh. He gives Kili's arm one last small squeeze, and then stands to leave.

I give him a soft pat on the back. This gesture alone offers what my words couldn't.

_I'm proud of you, Fee._

* * *

><p>"What time did we get home last night?" Kili asks, slipping down into his usual chair at the table. He quickly stabs a fork into his pancakes and takes a bite.<p>

"Around 9:30," I answer him before taking a sip of my coffee. Ahh, caffeine.

"I don't remember getting home. I don't even remember going to my room." Kili's sounds sincere.

"You don't remember it? Any of it?" I set my fork down, waiting to approach the oncoming storm.

"The last thing I remember is being at Bombur's restaurant. It was Bifur's birthday dinner, right?"

"Yeah, it was," I take another sip of my coffee, then cross my arms on the table. "You got sick. We had no choice but to bring you home."

"Why don't I remember this? Are you lying to me?" Kili's voice is growing in volume.

"Kili, no. You vomited everything that was inside of your body and more. You practically passed out in Fili's arms in the floor of the restroom at the restaurant. Oin came in and checked you out. We had no choice but to take you home. You were so sick, Kili. And there was nothing that we could do to help you there."

"I ruined everybody's night! And Bifur- he's going to hate me! Why did you let me do this? Why did I let myself do this! No, it's not my fault… You knew I was sick! Why did you force me to go?" Kili is screaming now, his face increasing in redness.

"Kili! I did no such thing! You told Fili that you would be ok! You wanted to go. This isn't my fault. It isn't even your fault. No one is blaming you." I can feel the heat rising to my face. _Calm yourself, Thorin. He'll snap out of it soon enough._

"I'm done here. Done!" Kili throws his chair back and storms out of the kitchen.

"Get back in here!" I yell, as I hear the back door slam.

_Do I get up and follow him, or no? _I decide no. I know Kili. He'll snap out of it soon and come back apologizing. He has never been and never will be someone who enjoys inflicting harm on others, whether it be physically or verbally. He has too good of a heart for that. He hates conflict and always tries to make others happy before himself. These insane mood swings are going to be some of the worst parts of this entire situation.

"Refill?"

I look up. Fili is pouring himself a cup of coffee, hair still dripping wet from the shower he has taken.

"Please." After all, there isn't much that coffee can't help, including a raging attitude.

"Want me to check it out?" Fili asks pouring more coffee into my mug.

"No. Give him a few. He'll come back." I take a sip of my now fresh coffee. "Thanks."

"I'm going to go work on a paper. My psych professor has already given me an extension. Can't ask for another one."

This news startles me. Fili has always been a star-pupil; always early, always perfect, going above and beyond all expectations.

"You had to ask for an extension?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

"Uh, yeah. Sorry, I didn't want to bother you with this. But, I just got too caught up with everything going on here and things got a little out of hand. I messaged my professors to explain why my work was late. Actually, a few of them messaged me first because of my unusual behavior. But, anyway, I explained everything. They've all been lenient with me and given their best wishes. However, this paper can't wait anymore." Fili almost sounds embarrassed. But, I can hear from his expression that it's obvious that he will always choose family over his career. It's a hard decision, and I respect him for it.

"Does Kili know?"

"No, and I don't plan on telling him either. You know what he'll do if he finds out."

Fili's right. That would be a terrible decision.

"All right. We're leaving at 1:15. I'm going to clean up here and then get ready. If Kili comes back before I see him, will you tell him to be ready by one?"

"Yep. Got it. I'll be in my room if you need me."

* * *

><p><em>This paper is never going to end.<em> It's been two hours since mine and Thorin's short conversation and I am only on page six out of ten. In these two hours, I have consumed eight cups of coffee. I don't know how I haven't died from an overdose of caffeine intake, but I'm still here. The words on my laptop screen are all beginning to blur. Sleep is sounding more beautiful and likely than anything at the moment.

"All right. That's it. I quit." I say out loud, saving my progress on my paper- twice, just to be sure. I slam my laptop shut and throw it under my bed.

I quickly fluff my pillow and lay down, relishing in the sinking feeling of my head molding into the pillow. Pure bliss. Next, I grab my comforter and quilt because, regardless of the heat coming through the vents in my floor and ceiling, I'm still cold. Finally, I can sleep.

Then I hear faint knocking at my door.

_You have got to be kidding me._ "Go away." I moan into my pillow. This is ridiculous.

"Fee, can I come in?"

"No, I'm sleeping."

I hear the door creak open and then close. The soft sound of feet walking toward my bed.

I don't bother to open my eyes, or turn my head to face the person standing beside my bed. I know who it is.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

"I don't think I'm the one you need to apologize to."

Kili lets out a sigh. "Yeah, I know. I was using this as practice."

"Well, you passed. Now, let me sleep. Shouldn't you be leaving soon anyway?" I'm not being hateful; just a typical sleep deprived, stressed out older brother.

"Yeah, we're leaving in ten minutes."

I open my eyes and really look at Kili. His tone when he said that last sentence got my attention. He looks just as nervous and jittery as his tone of voice let on, maybe even more so.

"Hey," I reach out and touch his arm from where he is standing beside my bed. "Today is going to be fine. Nothing's different. I mean, the scan is, but it's basically the same thing. And hopefully you'll get your medication worked out. I'm tired of you puking on me every chance you get." I end with a small laugh, letting Kili know I'm only joking. It may be disgusting, but nothing can ever stop me from being there for my little brother when he needs me.

Kili laughs, too. "Yeah, about that… Thank you, for last night. And every time before that and all the times to come."

"Hey, that's what I'm here for." I end with a huge yawn and close my eyes.

"I'll let you sleep now. Do you think Thorin will kill me on the way over?"

"Nah, he'd hate spending his life in jail."

"Right. Well, I'll see you when we get back."

"Bye, Kee. Text me when it's over."

* * *

><p>The car ride to the hospital was completely quiet. Neither of us said a word. Kili sat in the passenger seat, staring out the window. I kept my eyes straight forward on the road.<p>

I pull the car into the outpatient parking lot. After scanning three rows, I finally find an empty space and pull in, putting the gear in park. I turn the key off and unbuckle my seatbelt; Kili does the same. My hand is on the door handle, when I hear it. The faintest, but sincerest apology.

I turn around. Kili is glancing at me sideways, not quite making eye contact.

"Thank you."

"No. Thank you. For everything." Kili says, and makes eye contact with me now.

"Hey, that's what I'm here for." I say, patting his knee.

Kili gives a small laugh. "Funny. That's what Fili said this morning."

"Well, great minds think alike." I say with a wink and open my door. "C'mon."

Kili and I walk into the building together. All feelings of hostility gone.

"Hello, again." Galadriel smiles from behind the window. "You must be Thorin."

"Yes, hello. Is Kili's doctor available? I would like to speak to him before Kili's test."

"I'm right here." I turn to see Bilbo walking toward us, hand outstretched and the signature friendly smile on his face. "Good to see you again. Is Fili not with you today?" He asks as he shakes mine and Kili's hands.

"Fee has the day off," Kili says with no emotion.

"Ah, well then. I heard you say you wanted to speak to me if possible?" Bilbo asks, turning back to me.

"Yes, it's about Kili's medication."

"Go on." Bilbo cocks his head to the side and narrows his eyes, listening intently.

"We don't think it's having a positive effect. Kili either gains little to no relief from it, or becomes violently ill after taking it. Could it be that he is allergic or that there needs to be a new prescription?"

"Yes, this does sound serious. It is probably an allergic reaction. I am so sorry to have put you through this for so long. Please, forgive me. I had no idea. But, I will write a new prescription immediately. You can pick it up at your pharmacy after you leave today. If after a week you are having these problems still, please contact me as soon as possible and we will find another solution. Again, I am sorry."

"Thank you for your help. We will pick it up later."

"Did you have any other questions? There was a cancellation today, so if you want, you can get your scan done even sooner than originally scheduled, Kili." Bilbo speaks directly to Kili, emphasizing that it is his choice only.

Kili thinks it over and agrees to go early.

"All right. I'll take you down to the room."

Bilbo walks out of the room and down the hall. The doctor continues to talk as Kili and I follow. "This procedure is much like your previous scans, only the images are read with a magnet. If you want, we can offer you headphones with music to calm your nerves and help distract you. I've had a few MRIs myself. I know how boring they can be." Bilbo ends with a chuckle. I think he's telling the truth, but he could be making this up to try to ease Kili's tension. Either way, I am thankful for the effort.

"Thanks, but I think I'll be ok," Kili says, not looking at the doctor.

"All right. Ah, here we are." Bilbo holds the door open, allowing my nephew and me to walk through. "Thorin, I'm afraid you will have to wait here until everything is finished. We should be finished in about forty-five minutes. I am going to go in and tell the radiologist that you are here. Won't be a moment."

Bilbo disappears through another door, leaving Kili and I in the small waiting area.

"Nervous?" Kili asks.

"Me? Shouldn't I be the one asking you that?" I'm so confused.

"No. I want you to answer it."

I look at Kili. "Yes. I am nervous."

"Why?"

I have two choices: sugarcoat it or just be blunt. I choose the latter because I know Kili will see right through me if I lie to his face. "Because I don't know how to help. I don't know what to do. I'm a lawyer, not a miracle worker. I can't fix this, Kili, and that frustrates me beyond belief. I don't want to let you down, or Fili, or anybody else. I just want this to be over. I want it gone. I want to be yelling at you to stop doing some stupid thing, not freaking out if you sleep half the day away and then skip three meals in a row. That's why I'm nervous."

"Well, I definitely wasn't expecting such an honest answer." Kili laughs.

"I know better than to lie to you," I add with a small laugh of my own.

"Ha! Since when? Never stopped you before," Kili ducks as I swing my fist at his head.

"All right. Everything is ready." Bilbo announces walking back into the small room we are occupying.

"Well, I'll see you in a while," Kili says with a sigh, not taking his eyes off the door.

"I'll be right here." I grab my nephew in a quick embrace. "Don't cause any trouble. And for goodness sake, stop shaking. You're going to be fine." I give him one more gentle squeeze, then watch as he and the doctor disappear into the testing room.

I pull my phone from my jeans pocket and send Fili a text. _"There was a cancellation. Kili got in earlier than scheduled. Should be about 45 minutes. Let you know when it's over."_

A few minutes later, my phone vibrates. _"Ok. What about his meds?"_

"_Picking up the new prescription on the way home."_ I reply.

"_I can go get it."_

"_Go back to sleep, Fili."_ I know that's what he had been doing. Though, it hadn't been a deep sleep because his phone had awoken him.

Fili doesn't reply. I can only assume he has taken my suggestions to heart.

I check my watch. There is still a good thirty minutes left. The exhaustion from the night before is slowly creeping up on me. My thoughts are getting sluggish, eyelids are drooping, and I can't stop yawning. I make myself as comfortable as possible in the plastic chair, by placing my elbow on the arm rest and resting my head on my fist. A nap will do me good.

A while later, I am startled awake by the door opening.

I stretch and adjust my tired eyes to the room. Kili walks over and sits down beside me. We make brief eye contact, but in that short moment, I can see the tears gathering in his eyes.

I turn to face Bilbo, who has pulled up a chair to sit in front of us. There are no tears in his eyes, but he looks just as distraught at Kili. "I wish I didn't have to tell you this, but there wasn't a glitch in the system when Kili had his CT scan Wednesday. This MRI has confirmed the tumor has grown tremendously fast in the past week. We do not have any other options now other than radiation and surgery. Chemo will not be necessary because, thankfully, it is not cancerous. Of your two options, I recommend a series of radiation treatments.

"Kili, I know you're scared. We all would be in your situation. But, you are young and you are strong. You also have the best support team- your family. And you have me. Kili, I will stand by you, every step of the way. Whatever decisions you make, I will support you one hundred percent. I will do everything in my power to make this as simple and as painless as possible. I'm sure that in no time you will return to your normal life." Bilbo speaks with such conviction and honesty that there isn't a doubt in my mind that Kili has been given the best physician in the hospital.

Kili sniffles then raises his head. "What's the radiation like?"

"We will schedule you for one treatment a day, five days a week for four weeks. If we need to continue, we will schedule those treatments as needed. The entire process takes anywhere between ten to twenty minutes. It is painless and feels no different from getting an x-ray. You simply come in and leave in less than half an hour."

"What about side effects?" I ask, cutting into the conversation.

"Fatigue and nausea are common. Skin changes, such as swelling and edema, are also likely to occur. I'm afraid you will most definitely lose your hair."

As if in response, Kili's hand makes its way to his head of thick curls. Out of everything, the hair loss will be the one to make him most upset.

"When will he start?" I ask because Kili is still fixated on his hair.

"We can start next week. Monday through Friday would be the easiest, if that is ok with you. We do treatments on Saturdays, but not on Sundays."

"What do you want to do Kili?" I ask my nephew.

"Uh, Monday through Friday is fine." Kili says dropping his hand.

"Are you sure?" Bilbo asks. Kili nods his head in confirmation. "Ok, well, I will see you again Monday morning, 10:30. The treatments will be done here, but in a different room, just down the hall actually." Bilbo pauses, then leans forward and puts his hand on Kili's knee, much like a concerned father speaking to his son. Or uncle speaking to his nephew. "Kili, look at me." Kili slowly raises his head to meet Bilbo's intense gaze. "You have nothing to be afraid of. I meant every word of what I said earlier. I will be beside you every step of the way. Just like your family. I won't lie to you, these next few weeks may be tough and you might want to stop at some point, but I refuse to let you do that. You are going to beat this. You are going to win. Do you hear me?"

"Yes, sir. Thank you." Kili mumbles.

Bilbo pats Kili's knee once more and stands. "I ordered the prescription during the MRI. It should be ready."

"All right. Thank you, Doctor. For everything." I shake Bilbo's hand once more. I don't have the words to express how thankful I am. These next few weeks are not going to be easy, but I know that between Bilbo, Fili, and myself, Kili will be ok.

"Have a good day. Drive safely."

Kili and I enter the car.

"Can you text your brother and tell him we're leaving? He knows we have to stop at the pharmacy. Ask him if he wants me to pick up dinner. Thanks."

"Don't have to," Kili says pulling out his vibrating phone.

I pull the car out onto the road as Kili answers the phone. "Hey… yeah, I'm ok… I'll tell you about it later. We're leaving the hospital now… Yes… Ok... Yes, mom..." I laugh at this comment. "Well, if you'd stop nagging I wouldn't call you that anymore… Whatever… Ok, do you want us to pick up some dinner? …Oh my word, Fili. Answer the question! ...Ok. Bye." Kili taps his screen to end the phone call. "Fili says he'll eat whatever you bring home."

I want to ask if he has a preference, but I'd rather not turn his frustration into anger. "Ok."

* * *

><p>Kili sets the bag of food down on the table and my eyes immediately light up as I see the "Chick-fil-A" logo on the side.<p>

"Thank you!" I yell to Thorin who is just now entering the house.

I grab my chicken sandwich, fries, and sweet tea, and make my way over to the table. Kili joins me with his chicken nuggets and tea.

"I see you have found the food." Thorin says entering the kitchen.

"Of course. You got my favorite. How could I not?" I say in between bites.

Thorin sits down with his dinner and rolls his eyes. "It wouldn't matter where it came from. You'd eat it."

"Meh," I say taking another bite of my sandwich.

"Did you get much rest today?" Thorin asks me, changing the subject.

"Yeah, on and off. Every time I would fall asleep, I'd get another text message. One of my friends from college, Balin, Éowyn, you-"

"Éowyn?" Thorin cuts me off.

My eyes widen. It suddenly hits me that I haven't told him about meeting her in the park.

Kili seizes the opportunity to jump into the conversation after noticing my hesitation.

"Fili's girlfriend!" Kili blurts out with a rather large grin on his face.

"She is not my girlfriend! We met at the park one day a few weeks ago. She was visiting her uncle while she was on break."

"Where is she from?" Thorin asks.

"Rohan. She's very close to her uncle though and visits when possible. He basically raised her, like you did for us."

"Oh. That's nice. Will she be coming back anytime soon?"

"Uh, yeah. She's coming in for Thanksgiving."

"Whatever you do, don't take her to a movie on your first date. That's disastrous." Kili throws in.

"Who said anything about a date?" I glare at him.

"Oh, no one. But we all know it'll happen." Kili turns his attention to Thorin. "You should've seen him. He was an idiot. Poor thing couldn't get a clear word out. Then, he came to me for advice. I had to coach him through the whole texting process. Lucky for me though, he caught on after a while and let me sleep."

Thorin laughs at Kili's embarrassing words. "I've got to see this next time."

Kili joins in with Thorin's laughter and I continue to eat my dinner, mumbling under my breath about back-stabbing little brothers and uncles who find amusement out of my embarrassment.

I would have kept it up too if Kili's laugh wasn't so darn contagious. As hard as I try, I just cannot keep my annoyed act up, and soon I am laughing along with my family.

And it feels great.


	11. Chapter 11

After dinner, I returned to my room to finally work on that paper some more. So, here I sat two hours later, once again staring at the blurring words on my laptop screen, coffee sitting on my desk, and fingers moving without much enthusiasm.

"Hey, you busy?" Kili asks peaking his head around my door.

"Sort of." I answer.

"Ok. I'll come back later." Kili starts to close the door.

"No, it's ok. Just give me a sec." I say, still typing. All I need is three more sentences to finish this paragraph. I need a break anyway. Tonight, I will be reading psychology terms and their definitions behind my eyelids. I shudder at the thought.

Out of my peripheral vision, I see Kili sit down on the side of my bed. I bring my eyes back to the screen and finish my paragraph. I save my progress, twice, and close my laptop. "There. Done."

"Did you get it finished?"

"No, I still have two pages to write." I say rubbing my hands over my face. "Word of advice: don't take twenty hours and three psychology classes during one semester."

"No problem there." Kili says with a slight chuckle.

I stand up and grab a sweatshirt from the back of my chair. I slip it on and make my way to the other side of my bed. Then, I promptly fall face first into a pillow.

"Are you sure you don't want to sleep? I can come back later."

"Stay." I mumble into the pillow.

"Ok…" Kili sounds a little reluctant.

I must admit, I would much rather be sleeping, but my big brother duties are in effect and I choose to hear about Kili's day instead.

I feel the bed sink as Kili lays down beside me. I roll over onto my back and clasp my hands together on my stomach, mimicking Kili's position. "I'm ready to listen. I promise to not fall asleep until you stop talking."

There is silence for a few minutes. I know Kili is thinking about how to tell me everything. The way I see it, there are two options: gradually or bluntly. But, I know Kili. He's more of the "upfront and in your face" type. And when he begins to speak, I realize I was right, once again. He has definitely chosen the blunt approach.

"There isn't much to say. It wasn't a glitch. It really has grown freakishly fast. There isn't anything they can do about it except for surgery or radiation. And surgery isn't a guarantee that it will be gone forever because it may come back and be even larger. Radiation is the better option, or so Bilbo says. So, I chose it. One treatment a day, Monday through Friday, for the next four weeks. If we need to go longer, we will."

"Do we start on Monday?" I ask, hoping Kili will catch my use of pronoun.

"Yeah, 10:30." Kili confirms. Well, I'm taking that as a "yes" to my pronoun usage.

"And your meds?"

"New prescription. Apparently it was an allergic reaction, like Oin suspected. Doctor Baggins said I should know if this one will work after about a week of use. If there are problems with it, we'll try something else. I think I really scared him when he found out what it was doing to me. I didn't think he was going to stop apologizing."

"Ha, probably not. He's a doctor and proud of it. He doesn't seem like the type of person to just neglect his patients. I think we got lucky with him."

"Yeah, we did." Bingo. Kili finally said _"we."_

"So, what about the radiation? Are there any side effects?"

Kili is quiet for a few moments. I already know this is a touchy subject. "Just the normal fatigue and nausea. There might be some skin changes, such as swelling and edema…" Kili stops. I don't say anything though because I know if I wait long enough he will continue.

"…and most definitely hair loss."

This news surprises me. It never occurred to me that he could lose his hair with radiation. I thought that was only with chemo. My mouth hangs open and I try to close it, but I can't. I don't even look at Kili. I just stare at the ceiling, mouth wide open, emotionally dead. Or close to it, anyway.

"Yeah, I know." Kili says, automatically grabbing his hair.

I literally have no words. What do you say to that? Hearing your little brother, your best friend, tell you he's going to be bald due to an illness he cannot control? How do you handle that?

"It's ok… I don't know what to do either."

We continue to lay there in silence. Neither of us making a sound, just breathing.

"Maybe your girlfriend can knit me a cute little beanie." Kili finally says, after a beyond awkward silence.

"She's not my girlfriend." I say defensively. "And she doesn't knit… she crochets."

"Even better. Maybe we can have matching scarves, too."

"Shut up," I say midst chuckle, pinching Kili's arm.

"Ow!" Kili exclaims, swatting at my retreating arm.

"Sorry, not sorry."

"You're hateful when you don't get your beauty sleep." Kili says rubbing his arm.

"You're one to talk." I roll my eyes at Kili. He is the worst when he doesn't sleep. Like an angry bear. It is frightening.

"Well, I guess I'll let you get some sleep. Thanks for listening."

I sit up. "This bed is big enough, if you don't hog it like you used to."

"Old habits die hard," Kili laughs.

"Well, I'm willing to let it go for one night. C'mon. I've got extra blankets in my closet."

"You sure?" Kili asks. He's trying to sound hesitant, but I can hear the hint of joy in his voice.

"Yes, but so help me, if those daggers you call elbows or those rocks you call knees hit me once, I'm shoving you off the bed. You can sleep in the floor. Oh, and you say another word, I'll duct tape your mouth shut. Got it?"

Kili zips and locks his mouth with an imaginary key, then throws the invisible key over his shoulder.

"Thought so." I get up and walk to my closet. I dig around through my hanging clothes and find the blankets buried in the back. I grab a few and throw them onto Kili's half of the bed.

I walk over to the door and flip the light switch down, turning the light off.

"Ouch!" This may have been my room for majority of my life, but I still can't walk around in the dark. Hence, the bookshelf I managed to kick making my way to my bed.

I can hear Kili giggling, and follow the sound back to the bed. I fall down onto it, half landing on Kili in the process. I wrap myself up in my blankets and use him as a pillow.

"You're not that comfortable, you know that?"

"Maybe that's why brothers aren't made to be pillows." Kili's muffled voice answers me.

"Guess not." I say, rolling off of him on to my half of the bed.

"Good night, Fee." Kili whispers.

I let my head sink into my pillow. "Night, Kee."

* * *

><p>I don't know why, but something awakens me during the night. At first, I think it's the temperature, because, as expected, I am freezing. The thin sheet covering me is doing little help to warm me. I feel around for my quilt that Kili has managed to steal at some time during the night.<p>

I pat the mattress behind me. My hand reaches nothing, just bed. I stretch my arm out farther, still feeling nothing. I roll over and my suspicions are confirmed. The mattress beside me is empty, just a pile of blankets and pillows.

"Kee?" No answer. I allow my eyes to adjust to the darkness of the room. I can see that my door is cracked open. The light from the nightlights in the hallway cast a small glow in the darkness.

A sense of alarm rushes through me, automatically thinking of the worst case scenario. Where is he? Is he sick? Is he in his room? Is he ok? Is he lying on the floor somewhere in the house unconscious and bleeding? Is he even in the house?

I throw my feet over the side of my bed and stand. I grab a flashlight from my desk, not wanting to turn all of the lights on in the house for fear of waking Thorin. Before I leave my room, I glance at my alarm clock: 3:26 AM. Great.

I turn on the flashlight and step out into the hall. The light from the flashlight shows me that Kili's bedroom door is closed. I turn the knob, and push open the door. I shine the flashlight into the room. Empty.

I check the bathroom next: lights off and empty. I turn the corner and shine the light on the stairs. He's not passed out on those either. That's good… I think.

I make my way down the stairs and reach the bottom. I can see a soft glow coming from the archway leading into the living room. As I walk closer to the room, I can hear the soft murmur of voices. Kili and Thorin? No, the longer I listen, I realize that the voices are coming from the TV.

I walk into the living room. A lamp is turned on, and along with the TV, it is enough to light the room. I turn my flashlight off. I walk up to the back of the couch. Kili is asleep; head resting on a decorative pillow, one arm wrapped around his stomach, the other stretched out hanging over the side of the couch. His mess of dark curls are covering his face. I know Kili is warm natured, but the cold chill in the room is too apparent. I grab a throw blanket from the recliner and lay it on top of the quilt. Kili shifts at the added weight, and snuggles even deeper into the warmth.

He looks too peaceful to disturb. I grab the remote from where it lays on the coffee table, and press the red button, turning the TV off. I turn around and lightly kiss the top of Kili's head.

I turn the lamp off on my way out and go back to my room, leaving Kili slumbering on the couch.

* * *

><p>"What's this?" I ask walking into the kitchen. It's 8:15 in the morning and before me stands Kili, making pancakes. Something is obviously wrong because 1) my youngest nephew is up before noon, and 2) he is cooking.<p>

"Woke up early, decided I wanted some breakfast, got carried away, and decided, hey, why not make enough for everybody!" Kili flips a pancake in the skillet, then turns and gives me a smile.

I'd smile back, but it's too early to smile. Happiness isn't an emotion that I am capable of at this hour of the morning, especially when I haven't even had my first cup of coffee.

As if Kili can read my mind, he points to the coffee pot. "Made some of that, too."

"You made coffee? To drink?"

"I figured one of you would be waking soon, and decided that I would make you that disgusting stuff you love so much."

"Thanks," I say grabbing a mug from the cabinet. I fill it to the brim. The heat radiating from the steaming liquid warms my hands and face. I breathe in the heavenly scent of espresso and take a drink.

My face contorts into what I can only imagine is the ugliest face I have ever been capable of making. I sputter and spit what is left of the coffee back into the mug. Then dump the remaining liquid into the sink.

"I don't know what you did, but you are never touching my coffee pot again. Ever." I grab a clean glass and fill it with water. I rinse my mouth out with it and then empty the coffee pot into the sink.

"Sorry."

I turn to look at Kili. I'm not sure if he looks disappointed or not. Maybe I did sound a little harsh, but surely he knows I really don't have any ill feelings toward him over something so trivial. I mean, really? How many pots of coffee have I made with disastrous results in my lifetime?

"Hey, don't worry about it. Happens to the best of us. Coffee making is an art, and it takes some time to master." I tell him, as I begin a new pot of coffee. A proper pot of coffee.

"Guess I need more lessons then, huh?" Kili gives a small laugh, then returns to the pancakes.

"A few wouldn't hurt," I manage to give a small laugh. Maybe coffee isn't needed to show positive emotions. Maybe I'm just a robot sometimes.

"I'll be sure to watch some tutorials on YouTube."

We remain in silence. I look at my nephew, really look at him. He looks fine on the outside, but I know something down deep is bothering him. And of course the fact that he is awake and making breakfast at this hour is only adding to my suspicions.

"Pancakes are finished." Kili says, breaking the silence.

"Perfect, so is my coffee. Let's eat." I hand Kili a glass of orange juice that I had poured for him as we waited.

"Thanks," Kili offers, taking the juice after setting the pancakes on the table. He takes a sip, then sets the glass beside his plate. "I'll just grab a couple of forks and the syrup, and we can eat."

I sit in my chair and watch Kili. He's moving a little slowly and his body seems a little stiff. Kili pulls open the drawer beside the sink, and retrieves two forks. He closes the drawer, then walks to the pantry, and pulls out the syrup.

"Here," Kili hands me a fork and the syrup. "Oh, wait. Did you want some butter?" Kili pushes his chair out.

"I'll get it." I push myself out of the chair and walk to the fridge. I grab an already open stick of butter from the side door. Then I grab a knife from the silverware drawer.

I make my way back to the table with one mission: find out what Kili is hiding.

I smooth some butter across the tops of my two pancakes and pass the butter to Kili. Then I grab the syrup bottle and pour enough to thoroughly cover both pancakes. Kili does the same when I finish.

"Wow, these are good!" I say, taking a bite of the pancake. At least he didn't mess these up.

"You seem so surprised," Kili says chuckling.

I take another bite and smile. We eat in a comfortable silence for a while longer. Kili places his fork on the side of his plate and takes a drink of his orange juice. I do the same, but with my coffee. Kili's hand moves up to his neck and he begins to massage it.

"You ok?"

"Yeah, just a little stiff. Must've slept wrong."

"I thought you slept in Fili's room last night?"

Kili looks at me with a surprised expression. Apparently, he didn't know I checked. "Yeah, I know. I checked your room last night and it was empty. Found you in Fili's room with all of the blankets." I chuckle remembering the image. It was something I hadn't seen in quite a few years. But, some things never change, I guess.

"Yeah, we were talking about everything that had happened yesterday. He threatened to make me leave if I took his quilt. Apparently, he didn't wake up until after I left." Kili takes another drink of his orange juice and continues speaking. "I couldn't sleep so I slept on the couch. Too many things were going on in my head."

I nod my head in acknowledgment because the same thing had happened to me last night. Only, I'm sure my thoughts were a little different than Kili's, considering he is the one who's sick.

"Well, I'm going to get a shower in before Fili takes all of the hot water." Kili says, grabbing his plate and empty glass and taking them to the sink.

"I think I'm going to go for a run then come back and finish some paperwork." I rub my hands over my eyes and release a heavy sigh.

"Is that all you do anymore?"

I look at Kili. He doesn't say it with a hateful tone, but I can see right through his expressive eyes. I know I haven't been spending much time with my nephews. I know I just promised to spend more time with them. I know Kili remembers that promise. And it hurts, because I do want to, more than anything. They are my life. But, I also have a career that I can't just put on hold whenever I want. Life is difficult sometimes.

But Kili's eyes… they just dig down deep into my soul. "I'm going for a run, then we can eat lunch. If you're up to it, we'll shoot some hoops after." Work can wait. Nobody likes all of those papers anyway.

"You sure about that, lawyer? Don't want you to sprain a wrist or anything."

"Get out of here. You stink." I grab a towel from the sink and swat at my retreating, laughing nephew.

I stand there a while longer, cleaning up the mess from breakfast. I also say a silent prayer that today goes as planned: no interruptions, no obstacles, and no emergencies.

* * *

><p>"We'll be outside if you want to join us." Kili calls into the living room as he follows me to the back door.<p>

"If I can get these last two pages finished, I'll be there." Fili says, with a sigh of frustration.

"Well, hurry it up!" Kili says, slamming the door behind me.

Kili dribbles the ball out onto the pavement. "Did you stretch?"

"Yes, coach. Don't want to pull any muscles because I am so old," I roll my eyes and rub my back for emphasis. "What'll it be? One-on-one?"

"Sounds good." Kili says shooting the ball. Perfect swish.

I grab the rebound and make a shot of my own. Swish. "Don't go easy on me." I say with a smug grin.

"No worries there, old man. You get ball first. Age before beauty." Kili grins throwing me the ball.

I dribble over to stand in front of Kili. We lock eyes, and suddenly, we aren't just playing a fun little game of basketball. This is a competition.

I maintain Kili's intense gaze. I can now understand fully why he was so good at basketball. When you made eye contact with him, it was impossible to break away from his gaze. It is like some kind of magic. It's frightening.

Before I know what is happening, Kili is making a layup after stealing the ball from me.

"That's cheating. You can't use those sorcery you just used on me." I say, putting my hands on my hips.

Kili laughs. "What are you talking about?"

"Your eyes!" I say exasperated. "That was insane. It was like you were controlling me."

Kili laughs even harder. I realize how stupid I must sound and return my focus to the game.

"Fine," I say wiping the sweat from my brow. I really was more out of shape than I thought. "If you want to play dirty, we'll play dirty."

Thirty minutes later, we were tied at twenty. Despite the numerous bumps, bruises, and cuts, we were enjoying ourselves too much to stop. Fili has also joined us about twenty minutes into our game, but chose to set out on the action and just watch from a lounge chair on the patio. There he sits yelling encouragements and laughing, acting as our number one fan and commentator.

"All right," I pause for a deep breath. "I'm older than I thought. Person who scores next wins." I say, panting and placing my hands on my thighs.

To my surprise, Kili quickly agrees. Sweat is pouring from his brow and he looks utterly exhausted. I start to panic, thinking this was a bad idea and way too much for his current health. But then his sly grin stops me, and I realize, this was just what he needed. Because, quite frankly, none of us know when Kili will be able to enjoy himself like this again. So, for now, the sweat and blood is all worth it.

I dribble the ball and try to make my way around Kili. He follows my every move and steals the ball from me. He shoots and the ball circles around the rim five times before falling out the side. I immediately jump for the rebound and dribble back to the foul line. I fake left, then break right, and go for the layup. The ball bounces off the backboard and over the basket. Kili catches the rebound, and I follow his retreating form, one eye constantly on the ball and the other on his feet. Kili spins and runs down the middle, right past me, and shoots. Swish.

"And it's Durin with the win!" Fili yells, running over toward us.

I promptly fell down into the grass surrounding the asphalt, my hands on my knees and gasping for breath. The sweat is pouring off my body and all I can think about is how nice it would be to just go for a swim, but, it's early November, and I'd rather not die from hypothermia.

I hear a soft thud and look over to find Kili laying in the soft grass beside me. He looks to be in much the same condition as I.

"Didn't do too bad," Kili pants.

"You either," I manage.

"Here, have some water." Fili tosses each of us a cold bottle of water, and we immediately begin to drink it.

"I need a shower," I say after I catch my breath. The water is helping.

"Makes two of us," Kili mumbles.

"I don't think Thorin is capable of the energy to cook tonight." Kili laughs at Fili's comment. I don't find it as funny. "Since you two future NBA star athletes have really outdone yourselves today, I'll pay for dinner tonight. You name it. We'll go."

"If you're driving, you've got a deal." Right now, Fili couldn't be anymore correct. I am utterly spent.

"Champ chooses, right?" Kili says, lifting his head.

"No seafood," Fili and I say in unison.

"Wasn't planning on it," Kili chuckles. "Let me think it over, while I shower."

"Deal," Fili agrees. Then reaches down a hand to help Kili up. Then he does the same with me.

I cannot hide my grimace as I stand. The tense stiffness in my back is already making itself know. Tomorrow will be torture.

My nephews giggle at my discomfort and I hear mumbled comments about "assisting the elderly." I just stay behind and drink it all in- the sound of laughter; of happiness.

* * *

><p>"Do you think today was too much?"<p>

I spare a quick glance in the rear view mirror before bringing my eyes back to the road in front of me. Kili is asleep, sweatshirt hood up, head resting against the window, arms wrapped around his stomach.

I spare another quick glance to the passenger seat. Thorin is staring intently on the road before us, but his gaze is unfocused. Obviously, his thoughts are elsewhere, focused on the sleeping kid in the backseat of my car.

After showers had been taken and cuts and bruises cleaned and bandaged quickly, Thorin and Kili had decided on a trip to Olive Garden for their victory dinner. Dinner was great, as usual; however, my credit card was now hurting.

All of the excitement from the game earlier and the never ending salad and bread sticks, had finally caught up with Kili. As soon as we had pulled onto the interstate, he had shut his eyes and now remains asleep.

"He's fine. Just tired."

"Is that a 'yes' or a 'no'?" Thorin asks.

"No, I do not believe today was too much for him. It was great, just what he needed. Stop worrying before you turn gray and people ask if you're our grandfather."

I see Thorin snap his head in my direction. "That isn't funny, Fili."

I laugh.

We ride in silence for a while longer. I pull the car off the exit that will lead us home. Kili makes a small noise and shifts a little in his sleep as the car comes to a stop at the stoplight.

"I think today was the last normal day we will all be having for a while." Thorin whispers, still looking ahead.

My silence answers for me. I hate to agree, but I have the same feeling. There is a definite storm coming.


	12. Chapter 12

Sunday remained uneventful. The exhaustion from Saturday had carried over into the next day. The bruises and pulled muscles were far more prominent, in both color and feeling. My brother now sports a bruised cheek, forearm, and scraped elbows and knees. My uncle is wearing a swollen lip, scraped knees, and a gash on his left calf. And everybody wonders why I don't like contact sports.

So, while the both of them spent their Sunday lounging in the living room and watching the television, I grabbed a book and joined them. We ordered in pizza for lunch and ate what was left for dinner. The fact that Kili only ate one slice at each meal and slept for majority of the day didn't escape my sight. I was also aware of the frequent looks Thorin was giving him. But, Kili slumbered on. Waking every couple of hours, swearing he was awake and not sleeping the day away, and then falling back to sleep minutes later. Finally, Thorin had had enough and said we should all be going to bed early because of the excitement of tomorrow.

Which brings me to today. Kili's first day of radiation. The alarm went off five minutes ago, but I am in no way ready to get up. I lay in my bed, staring at a picture on my nightstand of my brother and me with some friends on vacation last year. Kili's smile lights up the picture. The five of us were standing in front of a waterfall we had discovered on a hike through the forest. Kili had found it first and was determined to cliff dive into the vast pool. Gimli, our cousin, had to forcefully pull him back from the ledge. Kili found all of this hilarious. Eventually we all settled for a group picture. That seemed like an eternity ago.

I still have three hours until we have to be at the hospital. Kili's treatment is scheduled for 11:30, but we have to be there by 11. At the moment, I believe I may be more nervous than Kili ever could be. Today is only the beginning of the drastic changes that are going to occur in our lives. I can't help but think that if Kili's tumor proves to be a long-term problem, how much everyone's future will change. He'll probably never regain his strength or any of his normal life. He'll be forced to spend his life in misery, watching as the world goes on around him, oblivious to his unhappiness. He probably wouldn't smile anymore, and his infectious laugh would become a distant memory. He wouldn't live, he would merely exist.

"Stop it!" I yell at myself. I throw the blankets off of me, and sit on the side of my bed. I refuse to let those thoughts consume me. It would never come to that worst-case scenario. Kili would be happy and healthy again.

I hear a soft knock at my door.

"It's open," I call.

Thorin peeks his head in. "There are some pancakes in the fridge. Kili is still asleep. I've waited as long as I can, but I have to leave. Can you tell him to call me when he wakes?"

"Yeah."

"Thanks." Thorin begins to shut the door then stops himself. "It's going to be ok. Let me know how everything goes. He'll be sick when it's over, but you've already proven that you can offer what assistance he'll need. You have my complete thanks and admiration, Fili."

I can feel the tears raising in my eyes. Not trusting my voice to form so many words, I mutter a soft thank you.

Thorin shuts the door behind him and leaves.

I sit here a while longer, checking my phone. I know Kili will continue to sleep for a while longer because he never willingly wakes up before at least 10 when he has the chance. It's 8:30 and I'll allow Kili to sleep until at least 9:30. Breakfast can wait, and I don't know if I can even eat. There's one person that I can think of that can calm my nerves.

I know it's early, but a text message will not do. I pull up my contacts list, tap Éowyn's name, and hit the call button.

"_Hello."_

I sigh in relief. "Hi."

"_Fili, is everything all right?" _Éowyn asks full of concern.

"I just needed to hear your voice. I'm ok." Wow, that sounds so cheesy. I smack myself.

Éowyn laughs. _"I'm flattered, but I know when you're lying to me."_

I smile to myself. We haven't seen each other since that beautiful day at the park, but she can still read me like a book. I take a deep breath. "I have to take Kili in for his first radiation treatment this morning. And I'm scared. What am I supposed to do? I've been acting this entire time, constantly putting up a front. The wall I built is crumbling, and he's going to know it. I can't let him down, but right now, I don't know if I can keep on acting. I'm scared. I'm his big brother. I'm supposed to be the rock he leans on and holds him up. How am I supposed to support him when I can barely support myself?" I stop because I know if I continue, the tears I'm fighting to hold in will escape.

"_Fili, take a deep breath," _she instructs me. I do as she commands. _"You need to calm down. Today is going to be hard on everyone, but especially your brother. All of your lives are going to change. I know you're scared, and no one blames you. You love your brother more than anything. Everyone knows that, especially Kili. Just being there for his support, even when you think you can do better, is enough for him. You will truly never know what you mean to him, Fili. You're his hero. He knows you aren't perfect and he's ok with that. Fili, no one can keep pretending to be something they're not. That includes you. Don't be afraid to show weakness. Everything will be ok. Kili is going to be ok."_

I take another shaky breath and release it slowly. My nerves are significantly calmer now. I feel a single tear make its way down my cheek. Then I smile. "Thank you. I don't know how I ever managed before you." I say with complete conviction.

I can hear the smile in Éowyn's voice. _"Sometimes I wonder the same thing."_

We both laugh at the truth in that statement. Then something clicks. "You said I was his hero. To some other person it may have sounded like a cliché encouragement. But it wasn't, was it?"

Éowyn waits a moment before answering. _"He… he may have called me a few times…"_

"What?" I ask, completely stunned.

"_He worries about you almost as much as you do for him. He really loves you, Fili. You're his best friend and his hero. He has told me many times how he couldn't have even made it this far without you by his side. He knows you can't be brave for the both of them when you can barely convince yourself, and he doesn't expect you to. He knows you have your breaking point and he will be there when you reach it. Until then, just continue to be the best brother you can. You're the only one he has and he wouldn't want it any other way. You're the best thing for him right now."_

Éowyn stops talking because I can't hold back a sob. She patiently waits while I gather my emotions and store them away once more. "I really had no idea that he had called you. But, I'm glad he did."

Éowyn laughs. _"Me too. He's quite a charmer. You might have some competition there."_

I laugh, too. "Somehow I doubt he'll get his way this time." I look at the time and decide I need to wake my brother. "I need to wake Kili. We have to be there by 11, and it will take me forever to drag him out of his bed."

"_Ok, good luck with that."_

"Thanks, I'll need it."

"_Let me know how today goes. I know he'll be sick after everything today, so I do not want you calling or texting me immediately after. If you do, I won't answer. Kili needs your full attention right now, got it?"_

"Yes, ma'am." If she was here, I would salute her for good measure. But, she's not, and saluting my wall would just be weird.

"_Good. Now go get your brother. Today will be over before you know it. Tomorrow will be easier."_

"I hope." I sigh, standing up. "Thank you for everything. I know it's early, but I just couldn't talk about this through a text message."

"_Fili, I would have answered if you had called me at four in the morning. I care about you."_

"I hope you know I would do the same for you."

"_I know. Now go get your brother. I'll still be here when you call later, ok? Remember, everything is going to be fine."_

We say our goodbyes and I end the call. I had showered last night, so while Kili showers, I'll get ready and warm up breakfast.

I knock on Kili's door. No answer. I push the door open and see the familiar bundle on the bed.

"Hey, Kee. Time to get up." I drag the blankets away from his head, revealing the mass of brown curls. His face is planted into the pillow. "I've let you sleep as long as I can."

"Five more minutes?" The request is muffled, but I can still decipher it.

"Nope, sorry. Get up." I say, shaking his shoulder. "Thorin made pancakes before he left. I'm going to get ready then warm them up. They'll be waiting when you get out of the shower."

Kili rolls over onto his side, facing me. "I don't know if eating is the smartest idea this morning."

I look at him in concern. "Are you feeling ok?"

"Yeah. I meant for later." Kili sighs.

"Oh." I can see his dilemma, but I also know he needs to eat because having any sort of medical treatment or medication on an empty stomach is never a good thing. "I know, but you need to eat."

"Fine." Kili shuts his eyes again.

"_Kili…_" I ground out in warning.

"I'm up, I'm up." Kili throws the blankets back and stands up. "I'll go shower. Keep your cool."

I roll my eyes and go back to my room. I pull out some clothes and get dressed. Next, I grab a comb from the top of my chest of drawers and attempt to tame my bed head. Unlike Kili's hair, mine is straight, but it still manages to tangle and go every direction but where I want it to. I give up and grab some gel. At least it helps a little.

I pass the bathroom and hear the shower running. Knowing he will be done soon, I continue the walk to the kitchen. I take the fluffy pancakes Thorin had made and place them in the microwave. When they're warm, I grab two different plates and place them on the table. I grab the syrup from the pantry, the butter from the fridge, and two knives and forks from the cutlery drawer. I place these items on the table. I decide I don't have the time to make coffee and settle for drinking a glass of orange juice like I know Kili will want.

A few minutes later, Kili walks into the kitchen and sits at his usual place. We eat in silence. When we're finished, we put our dishes in the dish washer and clean up the mess.

"All right. Do you need anything else before we leave?" I ask my brother.

"Don't think so." Kili replies.

"Ok, let's go."

Neither of us make a sound during the ride to the hospital. Kili tries to fix the silence by turning on the radio. When nothing satisfies him, he turns it off.

We take the elevator to the basement when we get to the hospital and walk to the radiation room Bilbo showed us at our last visit. Kili takes a deep breath and pushes open the door to the waiting area.

"Hello. How can I help you?" the receptionist asks.

"Kili Durin. I am here for my radiation treatment. Doctor Baggins said to come in early, and, well, here I am." Kili smiles at the lady. He almost has me convinced.

The lady smiles politely back at him. "I will let him know you are here."

"Do you always have to do that?" I ask him.

"Do what?" Kili asks, feigning innocence.

"You know what. Charm any girl you see."

"I do believe you are jealous, brother." Kili says with a smug grin.

"Kili, Fili, hello!" Bilbo greets us abruptly as he walks into the waiting area. He smiles and shakes our hands. Kili is still flashing the almost convincing smile. "I trust you have been well since last we met."

"Actually, yes. Even beat Thorin at a basketball game Saturday evening." Kili laughs.

Bilbo laughs. "I see you gained a few bruises yourself. Well, I'd like to stay and chat, but now isn't the time. I'm afraid you will have to come with me now, Kili. Fili, you can wait here if you want. The treatment will only take about fifteen minutes, but since this is the first treatment, today may run a little slower." Bilbo stops to gently pat Kili's shoulder. "It will be over in no time."

Kili sighs. "Let's do this."

I pull Kili in for a quick embrace, then he follows Bilbo through the door.

I sit in one of the plastic chairs and send Thorin a text. _"At the hospital. Kili just left."_

A minute later my phone vibrates. _"Good. He didn't call me."_

Crap. _"Sorry, forgot to tell him. My fault. He's fine though."_

"_Ok. Let me know when it's over."_

I didn't bother to bring a book because I knew I wouldn't be able to concentrate enough to read. The magazines lying around the waiting area are unappealing, too. So, I spend the next thirty minutes hearing, but not really listening to, the small television in the waiting area.

"Same time tomorrow… All right… You did well today."

The sound of Bilbo's approaching voice catches my attention, and I stand at the same moment Kili and the doctor walk through the door. After only one treatment, Kili looks exhausted and weak. Of course, part of this is due to the adrenaline crash from this morning, and the energy he never gained from Saturday.

Kili walks over to stand next to me. His legs wobble a little, but I quickly grab his elbow to balance him.

I shoot Bilbo a look.

"_It's normal." _He silently mouths to me.

I nod my head, still a little wary.

"All right. You did well today, Kili. If it's all right with you, we will meet here again, 11:30 tomorrow morning." Bilbo says, looking directly at Kili.

Kili swallows. "That's fine." He says with a shaky breath.

"Are you going to be sick?" Bilbo asks, concerned.

Kili swallows again. "I'll be ok."

Bilbo looks at me. I shake my head no.

"All right. I will just get you something to take with you, just in case." Bilbo left for a moment and came back with a small plastic bucket.

"Thank you," I say, taking the object from Bilbo. "See you tomorrow."

Kili and I walk to the elevator. The minute-long ride is spent with him swallowing every ten seconds, but still, he refuses to throw up. Which, of course, doesn't really upset me.

When I unlock the car, Kili quickly pulls his passenger side door open and falls into the seat, breathing heavily.

"Do you want to try some water?" I ask, fastening my seatbelt.

Kili fastens his seatbelt with shaking fingers. "Yeah."

I text Thorin. _"Leaving hospital."_ Then, I put the car in drive, take one last look at my brother, and leave the parking lot.

I go to the nearest drive-thru and order a small cup of iced-water. When the worker hands it to me, I set it in the cup holder where Kili can reach it. I don't trust his reflexes enough to allow him to hold it for the remainder of the ride home. Apparently he doesn't either because he only takes a sip every few minutes and promptly sets the cup back in the holder.

We pull into the garage and unfasten our seatbelts. I grab Kili's drink and the bucket from the back. I walk around to the other side to help Kili out of the car if needed. Kili gets out of the car on his own, a little unstable, but he manages to move on his own.

We are almost to the front door when he stops.

"I think I'll take that bucket now."

I immediately help Kili sit down onto the concrete sidewalk. Then thrust the bucket into his hands, just in time. I hold his hair back with one hand and rub circles on his back with the other. A few minutes later Kili stops.

"Done?"

Kili nods his head.

I hand him his water and take the bucket from him. The unpleasant stench nearly makes me sick, but I hold it in. "Don't move. I'll be right back."

Kili nods his head again. I walk across the street and dump the contents of the bucket over the bank. I jog back over to where Kili is still sitting on the concrete. He sets his cup beside him and reaches up a hand. I reach down with both of mine and pull him up. I quickly pick up his cup, tossing it into the bucket, and we walk to the door.

"Do you want to go to the living room?" I ask.

"No. I think I'll stop at the bathroom." Kili answers me.

"Ok. I'm going to let Thorin know we're home. Let me know if you need help."

Kili glares at me. "I think I can take it from here." He pushes open the door, and slams it behind him.

I release a sigh of frustration and walk to the living room.

"_Hello?"_

"We're home."

"_How is he?"_

"I thought he was going to be sick before we made it to the car, but he held it in. I stopped and got him a small cup of water. He took a few sips and was doing ok. When we got home, he got out of the car on his own. But, he had to stop on the way to the door. I helped him sit down on the concrete, and he finally lost it. He let me walk him inside when he was finished. He stopped in the bathroom. I'm in the living room waiting for him now."

Thorin is quiet for a few moments. His breathing the only indication that he is still on the other side of this phone call.

"_Same time tomorrow?" _Thorin asks.

"Yeah, only we won't have to go in early this time. Bilbo said he did well through the treatment. Kili went in with a fake smile and when he came out, there was no sign of cheer. He didn't even try. He just stumbled out and waited for me."

"_I'll be home later. Watch out for him."_

"You know I will." I end the call as Kili falls into the recliner and immediately releases the leg rest. He is wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt, but I can still see the shivers coming from his body.

"Do you want a blanket?"

When Kili doesn't answer, I grab one from the back of the couch and lay it over him anyway.

"Do you need anything?"

Still no answer. I grab the remote from the coffee table and hand it to him. He doesn't touch it, just continues to stare at the wall in front of him. I drop the remote beside him in frustration.

"Kili Durin, _answer_ me."

Kili turns his head and glares at me. Then grabs the remote and turns the TV on.

This is one of those moments when I want to smack him.

"I'll be in the kitchen." I ground out, leaving the room.

I run up the stairs and grab my laptop from my room. I want nothing more than to slam the door and hide out in my room, but I can't hear Kili as well up here. And as frustrated as I am, he is still at the front of my conscience. I make my way back down to the kitchen, glancing into the living room. Kili's head is facing the archway, eyes closed. Maybe he will snap out of his attitude if he sleeps awhile.

I sit at the table with my laptop, checking in with my professors and a few friends from school. I try to get caught up on the world with Facebook, and find that some people are just too ignorant. I find myself playing solitaire for an hour. Then I hear feet in the hallway, and the bathroom door being opened. I peek my head around the corner of the doorway and listen. Kili is sick again.

Against my instincts, I sit back down at the table. The last thing I want to do is make him angrier. I wait there, until I hear feet on the tile floor. I risk a glance. Kili is white and shaking. He grabs a bottle of cold water from the fridge, looks at me, and walks back to the living room.

I wait until I know he is back in the living room before checking on him. He is back in the recliner, fighting sleep.

I go back to the bathroom and wash the bucket that I had forgotten about having. Once it's clean, I creep back into the living room and sit on the couch with the bucket. I don't bother to steal the remote and change the channel. A football game between the Mirkwood Moose and the Mordor Fire was going on. Kili would be cheering for Mirkwood because the coach is his old friend, Legolas', father. The game is in the second quarter and Mirkwood is winning by three touchdowns. Sauron, the coach for Mordor, isn't happy about losing and is turning an unhealthy shade of red. I'm convinced that if it were physically possible, he would be spewing fire from his mouth. The game hits halftime and the commentators spend the fifteen minutes comparing the teams, giving highlights, and talking about other games happening today.

Kili stirs again in the beginning of the third quarter. He reaches down to lower the leg rest, but before he reaches it, I hand him the bucket. Kili takes it and throws up again. When he finishes, I take the bucket and empty it again in the bathroom.

"Thanks," Kili mumbles after I sit back on the couch.

I don't answer, prompting Kili to continue.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it." I say.

Kili turns back to the TV. "You can change the channel. I don't think I'm going to make it through this game."

"I don't mind. I'll let you know who wins. Go back to sleep." I say, looking at Kili.

"Have it your way," Kili says, rolling onto his side, back facing me.

Kili sleeps through the rest of the game. Mirkwood wins by three touchdowns and a two point conversion in the last two minutes. A fight nearly breaks out on the field. It never becomes physical though, just some words thrown around.

I hear the front door open and feet coming down the hall as the game goes off and highlights begin.

"Hey," Thorin whispers from the doorway.

"Hi," I reply, scooting over in case he wants to sit down.

He remains in the doorway though. "How is he?"

"He sleeps for a while, then wakes up sick, and goes back to sleep. All normal."

"I stopped at Subway. Yours is in the kitchen if you want it."

I honestly hadn't thought about food. But at the mention of it, my stomach grumbles. Thorin takes my place on the couch and I go to the kitchen. Before I've eaten half of my sandwich, I feel my eyes growing heavy and decide a nap would be ok after my dinner. Thorin is home now. He can take care of Kili.

* * *

><p>Kili is still asleep and Fili hasn't made a noise since he went to the kitchen. I decide to check on him. I find Fili passed out at the kitchen table, half of a sandwich in one hand, and his head laying on his arm.<p>

"Fili," I gently call.

My nephew's head snaps up immediately. "Kili!"

I rub his shoulder. "He's sleeping. Go take a proper nap. We'll be fine down here." I re-wrap his sandwich and place it in the refrigerator.

Fili follows me out of the kitchen, peeks his head into the living room, and goes up the stairs. I resume my place on the couch, listening to the highlights of a basketball game.

Kili shifts in his sleep and makes a strange noise. I grab the bucket from where it is sitting beside me on the couch and leap to Kili's side. He takes the bucket and throws up again. When he finishes, I take the bucket and set it on the coffee table behind me. I grab another blanket from the back of the couch and wrap it around Kili's shivering frame.

"Thanks, Fee." Kili mumbles, eyes closed.

"Try again, buddy." I laugh lightly.

Kili opens his eyes and turns his head in my direction. "Hey."

"Warm enough?" I ask. I know if I ask how he's feeling, he'll either lie or be painfully blunt.

Kili yawns and nods his head.

"Want anything?"

Kili shakes his head no. I take the bucket to the bathroom and clean it. I stop in the kitchen and grab a bottle of water, then go back to the living room. To my surprise, Kili is flipping through channels.

"Why don't you go back to sleep?" I ask, sitting back down on the couch.

"No use," Kili sighs. "I wake up sick as soon as I get comfortable."

"Maybe if you take some medicine for your stomach and try to eat something…"

Kili visibly stiffens at the mention of food.

"I know, sounds like a bad idea, but it wouldn't hurt to try something light. Even a few crackers." I encourage him.

Kili thinks it over. "Fine."

I go to the kitchen and grab a box of crackers from the pantry. I take a roll out and place the rest back on the shelf. Then, I walk up the stairs to Kili's room where I know his medicine is setting on the nightstand.

I walk back to the living room, where Kili has now settled on a show. I hand him the medicine. He takes it, painting a humorous grimace on his face, and takes a drink of his water. "Tastes like poison."

I laugh at his description and hand him the crackers. He manages to open them and eats one. I set the medicine back on the coffee table, and watch from the couch as Kili eats the crackers.

Fili doesn't wake up for the rest of the evening. Kili doesn't throw up, either. Around 9:30, I grab the remote and turn the TV off.

"Let's go to bed, Kee."

"Mmkay," Kili mumbles through a yawn. He puts the leg rest down and tries to stand. He's shaking from the cold and physical weakness, but he manages to hoist himself up onto his feet. He wobbles a little, but catches himself and walks over to me.

"C'mon, grandpa." Kili teases, reaching down a hand.

I try to feign anger, but the faint hint of his pearly whites makes me smile. If teasing me will make him feel better, then I am ok with it.

We walk the stairs together. It would have been easier and quicker if I had just carried him, but Kili is fighting with everything in him to keep what little dignity he still has. So, I keep one hand on his elbow and move at his pace. When we reach the top, Kili falls into my side. I wrap an arm around his waist and hold him up.

"I feel like I just climbed a great mountain." Kili says trying to catch his breath.

I give him a gentle squeeze then walk with him down the hall to his room. Once he is settled in bed, bucket by his side, I tell him goodnight and walk back to my room. I lay there thinking for a few hours, before my brain finally slows down and allows me to sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

To my surprise, I wake to find I have been sleeping since yesterday evening. My short nap turned into a twelve hour slumber. According to my alarm clock it is 7:13 AM. I rub my eyes knowing I won't be able to sleep anymore and climb out of bed. I grab a sweatshirt and make my way to the bathroom. I know Thorin is getting ready for work, so I walk to the kitchen to join him for breakfast.

I stop as my eyes land on the person sitting, or rather, sleeping at the table. Kili's head rests on his arms, a glass of water setting beside him.

I softly walk over to start a pot of coffee and make some toast. When the two finish, I make a bowl of cereal and carry it to the table. I go back, grabbing my toast and coffee, and sit down as quietly as possible.

Kili stirs as my chair makes a squeaking noise.

"Morning," he says, rubbing his eyes and stretching.

"How long have you been down here?" I ask taking a bite of my toast.

Kili yawns. "Woke up sick around five. Gave up on sleeping and came down here."

I nod my head and continue eating.

Kili gets up and fills his glass with fresh water. As he is sticking some bread into the toaster, Thorin walks in.

"What are you two doing up this early?" The question is meant for both of us, but his eyes remain focused on my brother.

"Couldn't sleep," Kili answers.

"Slept too much," I answer.

Thorin nods his head and makes his way to the coffee pot. He pours himself a cup and makes a quick bowl of cereal, and joins Kili and me at the table.

"What time do you plan on leaving?" Thorin asks.

"10:45," I answer taking a bite of Cheerios.

Kili is silent as he picks at his toast. Thorin and I both watch him closely. Kili doesn't seem to notice, or more likely, ignores us. After a few minutes, Thorin clears his throat and tells us goodbye.

I take our dishes to the dishwasher and tell Kili I am going to shower. Kili says he will shower in Thorin's bathroom.

After my shower, I check Kili's room. When I see he is sleeping soundly on his bed, hair wet, I go back to my own room and grab my phone. I text Eowyn quickly about yesterday and then set my alarm for 10:15, deciding Kili and I can actually use a couple more hours of sleep.

* * *

><p>"Fee, wake up! It's 10:45!"<p>

Something is shaking my left arm frantically. Nothing really registers, and then—

"We're going to be late!" I jump out of bed, running into Kili in the process. The impact sends him stumbling into my desk. His back hits the wood and he releases a painful yelp.

I turn immediately to my brother. "Kili! I'm sorry! Are you ok?"

Kili rights himself and rubs his back. "Yeah, just watch where you're going."

I grab my phone and shoes and we leave.

We reach the hospital right at 11:30 and move as quickly as possible to the radiation room. Bilbo is waiting for us in the waiting area.

"Sorry, Sleeping Beauty here overslept." Kili says indicating me with a twitch of his head.

Bilbo laughs at this. "It's quite all right. You can walk on back. The radiologist is waiting for you."

Kili nods his head and disappears from the room. Bilbo points to a section of chairs along the wall and we sit down.

"Tell me about yesterday, after you left," he requests, setting his clipboard in his lap and clasping his hands together.

I sit up straighter and relate the events of yesterday; the car ride home, the sporadic sleeping and vomiting, my nap that turned into a twelve hour thing, and then the events of this morning. I did, however, leave out the accident with the desk, mainly out of pure embarrassment.

Bilbo nods his head and assures me everything is normal, and that things will remain relatively this way for the rest of the week. He reluctantly adds on that Kili will begin losing his hair by the end of next week. I ask him if Kili is aware of this and he tells me that Kili had asked about it yesterday. I release a heavy sigh and lean the back of my head against the wall. Bilbo pats my knee and offers a few encouraging words then walks back to check on Kili.

A few minutes later, Kili walks into the room, trembling and pale. He walks on by me; pace quickening, prompting me to follow.

"Kili?" I ask catching up to him in the hallway.

He continues until he reaches the restroom, where he shoves open the door and grabs the nearest trashcan. I stand by patiently waiting for him to finish. The sound of a closing door catches my attention and I look up to see a young boy staring at us. He walks over to the sink and quickly washes his hands, then runs around Kili and out the door. Whether or not Kili notices, I cannot tell.

When Kili finishes, he coughs a few times before walking to the sink and washing his hands. He grabs some paper towels from the wall dispenser and walks toward me, drying his hands. He stops a few feet away from the trashcan and tosses the towels in like a basketball.

"At least that hasn't left yet," he mumbles, walking out the door.

I stop at the nearest drive-thru once again getting Kili a drink, and continue the drive home.

"Mirkwood won, by the way, 44-21." I say breaking the silence.

Kili turns his head to look at me. "You actually watched the game?" He asks incredulously.

"Yes."

Still not believing me, he asks, "You didn't just google the final score? You actually watched all four quarters?"

"Actually it was only three. I came in during the second quarter. You almost missed a good fight."

"Impressive." Kili says with a grin. I return the grin as I turn my eyes back to the road ahead.

"I bet Thranduil is proud," Kili says of the coach. There is a hint of resignation in the tone as he thinks about his long lost best friend.

I know it's a touchy subject, but I ask anyway. "Have you heard from Legolas recently?"

"Last I heard, he was out of the country and engaged. That was six months ago, right after graduation."

"Have you tried to contact him?"

"What's the use? I can't do anything about it anyway." He wraps his arms around himself and leans his head against the window.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, before long, I won't be able to do anything but sit inside all day, except for the exciting hour I spend out of the house, where a quarter of that time is spent in a radiation room. _Goodbye_ social life, _hellooooo_ misery." Kili says with fake enthusiasm.

I reach over and punch him on the arm.

"Ow!" Kili exclaims rubbing his arm. "Just keep the bruises coming. Gah."

I almost apologize because I honestly have forgotten the episode this morning. But, I'm not sorry. "You're ridiculous."

"Maybe, but it's the truth." Kili says seriously.

I don't even bother to reply, for fear I will explode. I begrudgingly mentally agree with him though. He is stating the facts, but it still hurts to hear them spoken so bluntly.

I slam my door a little too harshly when we arrive home. Kili gets out of the car and begins shaking the second he is holding his full weight in a vertical position. I watch him warily, but keep my distance. I watch as he takes a deep breath and continues walking to the door.

"I'm going to take a nap. Wake me up for dinner." Kili informs me as we enter the house.

"Do you want me to get you anything?"

He shakes his head no and slowly begins to climb the stairs. I stand at the bottom and watch, not wanting to bother him, but also wanting to make sure he doesn't fall or anything. He makes it to the top though. I wait a moment before creeping up the stairs myself, still not trusting him to get to his room. I peek my head around the corner when I reach the top and sure enough, I can hear Kili getting sick in the bathroom. I sneak down the hall to my room and close the door behind me, the same time I head Kili open the bathroom door.

I listen as Kili's footsteps get closer and then suddenly stop. I assume he has reached his door, but then a knock on mine makes me jump.

"You're about as subtle as an oliphaunt."

I roll my eyes and open the door, to find a slightly amused, shaking Kili.

I lightly cuff him on the back of his head. "Go to sleep."

"With pleasure," Kili says yawning.

* * *

><p>"You'll ruin your dinner."<p>

Fili's hands stop midway to his mouth and his head turns to look at me. I laugh at the expression on his face.

"Just thought I'd finish this sandwich without sleeping this time," Fili says, before taking another bite.

"Kili?" I ask, wondering about his whereabouts.

"Sleeping."

"Alone? Upstairs?" I ask, trying to keep the panic from my voice.

"I just checked on him not five minutes ago. He's fine."

_A lot can happen in five minutes_, I think to myself. "Right, well, I guess you won't be eating with us."

"Don't count me out yet," Fili says taking yet another bite. Sometimes the boy's appetite amazes me.

I step into my home office to place my briefcase on my desk, but stop when I see papers in my fax machine. I read over the information and pull out a drawer in my file cabinet. After safely storing the faxes, I turn the light off and close the door behind me.

I take the stairs two at a time and briskly walk down to my room, eager to get out of my work clothes.

"Stupid knot," I mutter as I struggle to untie the noose around my neck. Finally I succeed and throw the cursed thing on my bed. I change into old sweats and a long sleeved t-shirt, and rub my hands over my face.

"You're aging too quickly," I say, staring at my dark eyes in the mirror. I barely recognize myself behind the dark rings around my eyes. The healing bruises and lip from mine and Kili's little game add a touch of ruggedness to my already haggard appearance. Not to mention the many strained muscles that still have a slight pinch if I move incorrectly.

I haven't- can't- no, I _refuse_- to tell the boys about the amount of stress I have been under, but I know my appearance makes it obvious. Between my career, Kili's declining health, Fili's college and chauffeur careers, home, and everything in between, life refuses to slow down. But, if this is what it takes to come home and take care of the two most important beings in my life, I will soldier on. I smack myself lightly on the cheek, reprimanding myself for being selfish.

I knock on Kili's closed door, listening for a sound. I hear none and quietly open the door. My eyes immediately land on the empty bed.

"Kili? Kili, where are you?" I ask, starting to panic. I spin around, searching the room.

"Here."

It's weak, but my trained ears hear it, nonetheless. I follow the sound of coughing to Kili's walk-in closet.

I make the distance in three long strides and sit down beside my nephew. I immediately take one arm and wrap it around his shoulders. My other hand I use to push back the hair from his forehead and test his temperature at the same time.

"I'm fine," Kili says batting away my hand. "Just got tired. All I wanted was another quilt. Decided I needed a rest on the way over." Kili finishes, still trying to fully catch his breath. The coughing isn't helping.

"Why didn't you have Fili get you one when he was up here?"

"I was already up. Apparently the trip down the hall before coming in here was too much."

I take note of his little "trip" down the hall. "Is your bucket not in your room?"

Kili shakes his head, wincing. "Left it in Fee's car."

I mentally note to have Fili bring the object into the house.

I pat my nephew on the shoulder and stand up. I walk to the back where the extra bedding is packed away. I dig out a heavy quilt and bring it back to Kili. He leans forward and allows me to wrap him up in it, offering his thanks. I reach down and pull him up. "C'mon, go back to bed for a while."

"No," Kili says adamantly. "I promised Fee I would eat dinner. I'm going downstairs."

Kili never breaks his promises, and I know that he willingly isn't going to start now. I nod my head and wrap one arm around his shaking shoulders, guiding him down the hall and then the stairs.

* * *

><p>I turn my head as I feel a presence in the room. A bundled up Kili is being guided to the couch by our uncle. I sit up from my stretched out position and make room for my brother.<p>

"Mind if I join?" Kili grins, as he carefully sits down beside me.

"If you don't snore too loud," I say smiling.

"I don't snore." Kili says, offended. This causes Thorin and me to snort. Kili just rolls his eyes.

"Kee says he left his bucket in your car."

"Oh. Sorry. I'll be right back." I leave the room, grab my keys from beside the door and walk out to the garage. After the door raises, I unlock the back seat of my car and grab the bucket from inside.

I give Kili the bucket, sitting back down beside him. He bends over and places the bowl on the floor beside his feet. I can see his eyes drooping and the cold tremors rattling his body. I wrap an arm around his shoulders and bring him closer. His head rests on my shoulder and I rub his arm through the quilt, trying to warm him.

"I'll still wake you for dinner."

Kili yawns. "Good."

And that's exactly what he does: sleeps.

* * *

><p>"Should've known that was a bad idea." Kili says, voice hoarse. Then he lurches back over the commode, retching and getting rid of what little dinner he had eaten.<p>

I hold my nephew's hair back with one hand and rub his back with the other. Dinner was normal; small talk and food. But then Kili had suddenly stood up and ran to the bathroom. I told Fili I would go, and so here I stand, listening to the gut-wrenching heaves and feeling Kili's trembling body beneath my hands. Kili tenses under my hand on his back.

"What's wrong?" A new sense of concern creeps into my veins.

Kili begins to tilt sideways. I grab him, straightening him and leaning him back against the wall.

"Just a little sore. Nothing major." Kili says, with a rough voice.

I give him my best _give me the truth_ glare. He catches on quickly.

"Hit the side of Fee's desk this morning. I'm fine." He looks me in the eye. I still don't believe him.

"Uncle," Kili practically growls. "I am _fine_."

Well, maybe he is.

"Well, what do you want to do? Can you stand?" I ask, changing the subject. The trembling has stopped considerably, but he still looks drained from the effort of vomiting. Then again, he almost always looks drained these days.

I stand and grab Kili's hand when he reaches for my assistance. I pull him up and he walks over to the sink. He turns the water on and washes his face, then rinses his mouth out. When he finishes, he grabs the hand towel hanging on the wall-hook and dries his hands.

But, when I think he is going to leave, he grips either side of the small counter and looks into the mirror. I watch his expression being reflected into the mirror. At first there's nothing- just a blank, hollow face. But, then he begins to shake his head and releases a completely humorless laugh.

"Kee?"

"Pathetic." Kili spits out.

"Kili, stop."

But he doesn't. "This is only day two. And guess what!" he exclaims with fake enthusiasm. "It's also my last week with a full head of hair. How about that!" He smacks the counter, all humor gone, replaced with a sudden surge of anger.

"Kili, stop it! Calm down." I say firmly. I take a step forward and grip his forearm.

He tries to shake off my grip, but when I only tighten it, he releases his own grip on the sink. When I see he isn't going to fight me anymore, I turn him around.

"Kili, look at me." He refuses. I grip both of his arms now and shake him slightly. "Kili. _Look_ at me."

After a moment's hesitation, he raises his head. The frustrated tears are making an appearance in his eyes.

"Kili, _never_ say something that ignorant _ever_ again. I mean it. And forget about the hair. Hair grows back."

"So do tumors."

Anger courses through my veins and to my brain. Out of instinct, I raise my hand to strike him. But stop instantly when I see Kili's eyes- huge and full of fear. I take a deep breath and lower my hand.

"Go to your room." I ground out between clenched teeth.

Kili stutters. "Un- uncle, I- I'm sorry. I-I didn'—"

"_Go to your room._" I demand, interrupting him. In my anger, I find myself putting emphasis on each of the four words. I turn my head, refusing to meet his gaze as Kili walks out of the small bathroom.

When I hear his footsteps climbing the stairs, I turn the light off and close the door behind me, stepping into the hall. I walk to my office and pull out the fax papers from earlier, and begin to finish some paperwork.

"What was _that_ about?"

"This doesn't concern you, Fili. Leave it be." I answer, not looking up from my desk.

"Well, I do know that Kili just walked up the stairs with tears falling down his face. So, obviously he is hurting, and that _does_ concern me. What did you say to him?" Fili's anger is growing.

"_I_ didn't say anything. He did." I drop my pen and look up to meet Fili's gaze. He is standing in the doorway, arms crossed across his face, a no-nonsense expression plastered on his face. Fili was slow to anger, but once he was fueled up, those in his path would do well to quickly get out of the way of his wrath. Especially when it involved Kili. When Fili was younger, I could stand my ground for a much longer time. But he is an adult now, and arguments can get heated more quickly. And I, for one, do not wish to be at the end of his fist.

"Sometimes Kili says things out of anger, you know that." Fili says, not dropping his gaze.

"All right. I told him to stop worrying about his hair; that it would grow back. And you know what he said? He said, 'So do tumors.' And that, _Fili_, is what angered me and is the reason why I sent him to his room."

"Oh," Fili says softly. His arms drop uselessly to his side and I can see his bottom lip tremble. "I would have hit him."

I swallow the frog that has suddenly leapt into my throat. "I almost did."


	14. Chapter 14

**FRIDAY: END OF WEEK ONE**

"Well, Kili, you have just completed your first week of radiation. How do you plan to celebrate?"

In the past week, Kili has lost ten pounds, and the ability to stand on his own two feet is an ever-growing struggle. His small, athletic frame, is half of what it was. His head is swollen from the treatments. But, after his short argument with Thorin Tuesday evening, he had changed his attitude. He actually tried to not be negative now. And, honestly, he is doing a better job at it than the rest of us are. Aside from Doctor Baggins that is. I truly believe that man never runs out of hope.

Kili attempts to smile through the swollenness of his face. "Well, Bilbo, I think a two-day long nap and a big ice cream sundae sound like a good way to celebrate. Fili offered to buy and everything!"

"Excuse me?" I ask incredulously. Everybody knows I am only joking. Right now, I would do anything to make my brother happy. And if buying him an ice cream sundae will make him happy, then that is what I'll get him.

"Well, if Fili is buying, you can count me in, too!" Bilbo laughs. My brother and I join in.

"You are more than welcome to come with us," I say sincerely. This man has done more for us in the past month than many have done in a lifetime. He isn't just a man who gives Kili some medication and keeps track of his health. He has become a friend.

"As appealing as that sounds, I must decline. Duty calls." Bilbo says with a smile.

"Maybe some other time then," Kili adds.

"Yes, maybe some other time. Well, off with you two then. I'm sure you want to get out of here as soon as possible." Bilbo pats Kili on the arm. "Have a good weekend. See you Monday!"

"So, about that ice cream sundae…" I begin once Kili and I get in the car.

Kili's eyes widen. "What about it?" The eagerness in his voice is like music to my ears. He hasn't sounded this genuinely exited in weeks.

"I was thinking a special trip to Bombur's would be nice." I say, looking him in the eye.

Kili's eyes brighten and then almost instantly dim. "Is that safe? You know, random people and germs and all that stuff."

"I asked Bilbo about it. He says as long as you keep your nose and mouth covered, and don't really touch anything that could have been handled by other people without proper sanitization, you should be ok."

In truth, I had talked to him yesterday morning during Kili's treatment. The doctor had encouraged me to go through with my plan, and his final word was all I had needed to do so. Kili didn't know what was coming.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Let's go!" Kili excitedly hits the dashboard.

My brother's happiness makes me smile. After he and Thorin discussed everything after their argument, something had changed. Kili suddenly had a willingness to fight and wasn't so negative anymore. Yes, he still has his moments. In fact, last night he had gotten angry because he had fallen in the hallway upstairs. But, after a few hours, he got over it. The old Kili is seeping through. None of us know how long it will last, but we are all embracing it with open arms while it's still here.

"Uh, Fee?" I turn to look at my brother. He doesn't look like he's going to be sick, so I wonder why he sounds so hesitant.

"What?"

"Why are we using the back entrance? They can't seat us from back here."

Crap. I hadn't thought of that. "Bombur won't mind. Just pick a table, and I'll make sure he knows we're here." I am not cut-out for spur of the moment plans.

"Whatever you say…" Kili brings his scarf back up to cover his mouth and nose and follows me inside.

I lead the way around the corner towards one of the back rooms. "Here, let's try this one. It's hidden from the rest of the restaurant, should be safer."

"Are you sure abou—" Kili stops talking as soon as I open the door to the room.

"SURPRISE!"

Three decorated tables sit around the room. At these three tables, stand eleven of our closest friends and family members. Thorin stands behind the table in the middle, decorated with three place-settings. In front of the middle chair of that table, sets a cake with a large number 1 candle and in blue cursive handwriting are the words, _Congratulations, Kili! _Balloons are scattered about the room and streamers hang from the tables.

I turn to look at my brother. The look on his face is something I will always remember. His deep brown eyes are open wide and full of light. The overflowing tears only enhance that light. Because, for the first time in a long time, Kili's tears are happy tears. His mouth hangs open, nearly falling to the floor. I watch as his eyes move around the room, drinking it all in: the friendship, the joy, the love. Finally, he turns to me. His mouth keeps opening and shutting, words failing to come from his mouth.

"Kili speechless! My beard! There's a first time for everything!" Bofur says rather loudly, getting a roar of laughter from the room.

Kili doesn't seem to hear him though. He remains looking into my eyes, tongue completely useless.

I reach out and bring him into a bear hug. "Congrats, Little Bro." My voice catches at the end of that small sentence and the tears escape my eyes.

"I love you, brother." Kili says, tightening his grip on me. I can feel his tears soaking through my sweater.

"I love you, too." I say into the mop of curls on his head. I relinquish my hold on him and he does the same.

We walk to the table where our uncle stands. Before Thorin knows what's happening, Kili throws his arms around him and seems to knock the breath out of him for a few seconds. Thorin laughs and wraps his strong arms around Kili, holding him close.

"Congrats, Kee." I hear him say. Kili says something else, but it's muffled considering his face is buried in Thorin's shoulder.

But then I figure it out, because Thorin whispers the three words Kili needs the most:

"I love you too, Kili."

A single tear make its way down my uncle's face. He places a kiss on the top of Kili's head and pushes him away.

"How about some cake?" he asks.

Kili nods his head. Thorin lights the candle, which I explain represents Kili's first completed week of radiation. The group bursts into the worst, most off-key version of "Happy Birthday" that I have ever heard and at the end, Kili closes his eyes making a wish and blows out the candle.

"All right. Who wants cake?" Kili asks, getting a greeting of various agreements. He grabs the knife and begins cutting pieces. Thorin and I serve out the plates of cake and the group settles into their own conversations. Once everybody is served, the three of us sit down and enjoy our cake together. Kili happily sits between Thorin and me, chattering away with the people around us. He may not be able to be within physical distance, but his ever loud voice is making its way back tonight. Almost as if it were never gone. I smile though. The normal Kili is making an appearance tonight and it is wonderful.

A while later, Kili abruptly stands and raises a hand in the air. "Drinks all around! Fili's buying!"

"I don't think so!" I yell just as loudly, reaching up and pulling Kili back down into his seat.

This causes a chorus of cheers and then "Aww c'mon Fili!" I try to frown, but Kili's incessant laughter makes it impossible.

"Fili, lad! Come here!"

Bombur is walking through the door, hands and face disguised with gloves and a mask. In his hands lays a large ice cream sundae. I walk over to Bombur and grab the sundae from his hands.

Kili's eyes are huge as I sit the sundae in front of him. "How am I supposed to eat all of this? I said 'big' not _huge_."

"I believe I can help with that," I say, dipping my finger into the whipped cream sculpted on top.

"Or not," Kili says, batting my hand away when I try to scoop some more. I watch in amazement as Kili eats nearly half of the masterpiece before him before stopping and regretfully offering me the rest. I decline.

The party continues until Kili just can't take it anymore. His eyes are drooping shut and his head keeps falling onto his chest. He refuses to acknowledge this though, so the group slowly says their goodbyes, knowing that Kili needs to get home. When only Bombur and his brother, Bifur, remain, the three of us say our goodbyes and leave. Kili thanks Bombur for the food and room for probably the fiftieth time and we leave. As soon as Kili fastens his seatbelt, he closes his eyes and sleeps.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Kee. Wake up. We're home." I reach over and hit Kili's leg from where he sits in the passenger seat.<p>

Kili jerks awake and looks around getting his bearings. Thorin pulls into the garage beside us.

"What time is it?" Kili asks, stretching as he stands up.

"3:15." I answer, closing my door and locking the car.

Thorin walks ahead and unlocks the house. I follow Kili upstairs. We part ways when he says he's going to take a nap.

I fall onto my bed, lying flat on my back. I close my eyes and smile thinking on the events of today. I had never expected for things to run so smoothly, but I was forever grateful that they did. Kili needed this little celebration more than he thought. We all did. I also felt a burst of pride for sincerely surprising my brother. Who's subtle as an oliphaunt now?

I take a deep breath and call Éowyn. Her cheerful voice greets me and I immediately tell her about how well the party had gone. I had called her last night and told her about everything. She wished more than anything that she could have been there with us, but of course at such a short notice, there was no way that she could have made it.

"_Is Kili there with you?"_

"No. He's sleeping right now."

"_Ok then. Do you think he would care if I called him later? I want to tell him how proud I am."_

I smile. It amazed me how someone you've met only once can become one of the most important people in your life. "Of course not. I think he would like that very much. It'll give him something else to tease me about."

Éowyn's laughter is beautiful. _"I bet you'll enjoy that very much."_

We continue to talk a while. I ask her about school and how her family is doing. She tells me about her classes and that her family is doing well. She also mentions that she will be coming to Erebor in a few weeks for Thanksgiving break.

"I can't wait to see you." I breathe, closing my eyes. The moment she walked away in the park, a part of my heart had left with her. I hadn't realized just how big that part was until now. After every phone call or text, I can feel it grow, ever so slowly.

"_I'm counting the days. Nineteen to be exact."_

"I'll be counting, too." If Kili could hear me now, he would be laughing hysterically. I almost laugh at myself. We say our goodbyes and hang up.

"Nineteen days," I say to myself. "Nineteen long days."

* * *

><p>Kili skipped dinner tonight. But, with all he ate at the party, none of us were too surprised. My brother and I now sit in the living room together, watching a movie. Kili's arm is wrapped around his stomach, which is definitely rolling. His appetite had really amazed me today, but now I know he is feeling the after effects and I can't help but feel a little guilty for his discomfort.<p>

Kili sits in misery for another five minutes and then abruptly stands and moves quickly down the hall. I try to keep it in, but a small chuckle leaves my throat. He returns a few minutes later, and sinks into the recliner once again.

"You ok?" I ask, chuckling at Kili's face.

"Well, it was definitely better the first time," he complains.

I can't seem to stop giggling, and Kili is getting frustrated.

"Bug off!" Kili yells.

A pillow whacks me in the side of the head from where I sit on the couch. I am momentarily stunned, but once I snap out of my daze, I throw the pillow across the room. My aim works perfectly and hits Kili right on the side of his head. The look of surprise on his face is priceless. But then a familiar mischievous gleam enters his eyes.

"Kee? Whatever it is you're thinking, don't."

My threat goes unnoticed as the air is suddenly knocked out of me as 130 pounds of Kili lands on my chest. And then I receive a beating from the throw pillow in his hands. I struggle to move my hands to cover my face and finally succeed.

"Give it a break, Kee! I can't breathe!"

The beating stops instantly and Kili apologizes.

Then I quickly reach behind me and grab a pillow bringing it around and hitting Kili square in the chest.

"Now that we're even, it's war."

Kili stands up and I instantly begin to hit his weakened body with the pillow. He puts up a fight though, getting a few hits. One particular hit goes directly to my right eye and I am temporarily blinded. But, Kili's body is tiring quickly and his movements are getting sluggish. I toss my pillow aside and easily overcome him. I drag him down to the floor and onto his stomach. I grab his arms behind his back, but I don't pull hard, for fear of hurting him.

"All right. Say it!"

"Never," Kili grounds out.

I tug his arms the slightest, but it's enough.

"All right! You win!"

With a smug smile, I let Kili's arms go and sit on the carpet beside him. He pushes himself over onto his back, trying to catch his breath.

"What's going on in here?" Thorin demands from the doorway.

Kili immediately sits up, a little too quickly according to the grimace on his face. We both turn our heads to where our uncle is standing.

"Oh, nothing…" I push out.

"Yeah," my brother says from beside me. "Nothing."

Thorin looks at us both with his penetrating gaze. Not quite buying it, but going along with it anyway.

"Thought I heard something, but I guess it was nothing."

"Another sign of aging…" Kili mumbles under his breath. I fight back a snicker at his comment.

Thorin looks as if he is going to say something else, but just rolls his eyes and walks away.

I turn back to my brother. Kili seems to have gotten his breath back.

"He's going to kill us both one day," I say.

Kili, for whatever reason, finds this hilarious and bursts into a fit of laughter. I don't know why, but I join in a moment later. Kili's laughter will always be a contagious disease.


	15. Chapter 15

"How did Friday evening go?" Bilbo asks sitting down beside me in the waiting room.

"Great- perfect, actually. He was genuinely surprised. He really needed it, and I am thankful that everything went according to plan. It was worth it- seeing the smile on his face and his entire being just lit up with happiness. Though I fear that light will grow dim, once again, here soon."

It was the honest truth. This second week of therapy is going to be life-changing. New milestones crossed and yet others created. The race never ended. And then, Kili is worried about his hair. It seems like such a stupid thought, but now that it is approaching ever closer, it has become a harsh reality. I feel selfish for taking my health for granted, hair included. I can't imagine going through what Kili or the other patients are experiencing. I shudder at the thought.

"It will all work out in the end." Bilbo assures me. "I've seen patients go through this too many times to count. Some make it, some don't. But those who fail, choose not to fight. I know for a fact that your brother is going to fight until he wins. And if for the slightest second he begins to stop, I know that he has a fantastic support team who will pick him back up and force him to fight forward. Not everyone has someone who cares for them. Kili is very lucky, indeed."

"Thank you," I say with a smile.

Bilbo stands up and leaves the room. I check my watch and see that Kili still has another five minutes before he should be ready to leave. My mind wanders back to the events of this morning, which had been nothing compared to the rest of the weekend.

Actually, things had started to gradually go downhill Saturday. Kili had slept all day, and neither Thorin, nor I, had thought much of it. But, when he would wake up he would be confused. He started asking questions, like where he was and why his face was swollen. Thorin and I would try to explain and he would nod his head, but then a few minutes later he would begin with a new round of questions. Later that night, two in the morning to be exact, I was awoken by muffled screaming.

I jumped out of bed and ran across the hall to Kili's room. I stood above Kili's screaming body and latched onto his flailing arms. He gained some strength from his hysteria, but it still wasn't enough to fight me off. Eventually, I got his arms to stop and he recognized my voice. He calmed down some and stopped screaming enough to tell me that it was dark and he was blind. I tried to assure him that he wasn't blind. He wouldn't listen and started screaming about how he couldn't see. I jumped up and ran to the light switch by the door. The light turned on and Kili immediately stopped. I stayed with Kili for the rest of the night.

I told Thorin about all of this Sunday morning over breakfast. He was worried and so was I. The ordeal from the night had really scared me. Kili woke up and ate lunch with us. Thorin never took his eyes off of him. Kili was exhausted and hateful. He kept making snide remarks and insisting that he was fine and could do things himself. It was his normal behavior, but ten times angrier and with zero humor. He settled down as the day progressed and eventually apologized about everything. We assured him he was forgiven. He accepted gratefully and then we actually watched a movie together and enjoyed ourselves that evening.

But then this morning happened.

The second Thorin walked out the door, Kili collapsed into heaves on the kitchen floor. Neither of us had expected it. After he got rid of what little he had in his stomach, he dragged his weak body to the shower. I stood outside the door, carefully listening for anything that sounded like he was in distress. He showered and was getting himself dressed when he fell. I immediately opened the door and found Kili lying on the tile floor, shirtless and bleeding. Apparently he had hit the counter when he fell, which then broke the skin and caused the small gash on his chin. I got the bleeding stopped and then helped him put his shirt on. Kili was frustrated that he had fallen and was having to be helped in order to dress himself. This made him sick again. Thankfully, the toilet was right behind him. He finally got his body together and let me stand him up. From then on he took full control of himself.

I had definitely learned one thing from it all though: Friday was far too much for Kili to partake in at this point in time and even in the near future. His body could not handle it. What we all thought was going to be a happy weekend, ended with disastrous results. Proof that I am a careless idiot and that Kili is sick.

"Fili? Fee?"

I snap back to the present. I hadn't even heard Kili enter the room. But the tone in his voice suggests that he has been trying to get my attention for a while now.

"Can we go home now?"

Kili looks like he is on the brink of tears and collapsing.

"Yeah, Kee. Let's go home."

* * *

><p>"Pull over!"<p>

Kili's demand catches my attention and I spare a glance to see that his hand is on the door. I swing the car to the right and pull off the freeway. The second the car stops, Kili falls out the door and onto his knees.

I jump out of the car and run to the other side. Kili is getting sick and the heaving is jerking his small frame. It almost looks as if he will snap in two from the force. I wrap an arm around him and hold him up. My free hand I use to hold his hair back. The heaving turns to coughing and Kili finally stops all together, gasping for air. His strength leaves him and my arms catch him before he can face plant into his own vomit.

"Fee?"

"Yeah?"

"Today sucks."

"I know, Kee. I'm sorry."

"Me too."

"What in the world are you sorry for?" I say into the top of Kili's head as it rests on my shoulder.

"Being an idiot and thinking I was blind; screaming at you; yelling at Thorin; being a pain in everybody's butt; being useless and weak—"

"Kili, shut up. Don't say that ever again. You are _not_ useless and you are _not_ weak. You're sick. There's a difference." I stop before I start yelling. "You've always been a pain, but we wouldn't have it any other way." I add good-naturedly.

Kili gives a weak laugh. "'m good at it."

I chuckle and give him a one armed squeeze. "You're very good at it, dork."

We sit here on the side of the road, our backs against my car, for a few more minutes. I want to make sure that Kili's strength is coming back enough before I attempt to put him back in the car. I grab hold of one of Kili's cold hands. He gives me a squeeze a minute later and I stand up, pulling him up after me.

* * *

><p>We got home without any more accidents. Kili walked straight to the living room and fell asleep in the recliner immediately. I brought his bucket from his room and laid it beside his sleeping body. I grabbed another quilt and threw it over him. Making sure he was going to stay asleep, I went to the kitchen.<p>

I called Thorin and led him through everything that had happened since he left this morning to now. He couldn't hide the worry in his voice. He ordered me to keep my eyes on Kili and make sure my brother had everything he needed until he got home. I told him I wouldn't leave his side.

I quickly made a sandwich and ran back to the living room. I sat down on the couch and grabbed a book from the coffee table.

And this is where I sit now- sandwich gone, but book still in hand. I jump at the sound of a ringtone. I automatically check my pockets, only to find that the phone being alerted isn't mine, but Kili's. The sound breaks through Kili's semi-conscious state and begins to feel around for his phone. He finds the phone and pulls it from beneath the blankets. At first a look of confusion crosses his face, but is instantly replaced with a happy, but sleepy, grin.

"Hello, beautiful."

My eyes grow even wider, which I honestly hadn't known was possible until this second. _Who in the world is he talking to?_

"Yeah, had a rough weekend… Sorry… No, no, I'm ok. Feeling much better… Really, I am…"

Kili turns to look at me and starts to laugh at my expression. I stammer at his reaction and close my mouth and squint my eyes, giving a slight glare.

"He's dying right now… Yeah, I'll tell him… Thanks, bye." Kili hangs up his phone, rolls over, and looks like he is going back to sleep.

Not without answers though.

"Who was that?" I ask, a hint of frustration in my voice.

"Just Éowyn. Chill." Kili says with a yawn.

I sigh and relax my tense shoulders. "Yeah, she said she was going to call you soon."

Kili nods his head into the cushiony back of the recliner. "She's nice."

I smile to myself, thinking of her kind voice and warm smile. "Yeah."

"If you don't marry her, I will." Kili says, his voice uncharacteristically serious.

As if the tone of his voice isn't enough, the mention of marriage is too much. I start choking on the water that I have just taken a drink of. I sit here, coughing and desperately trying to catch my breath. Kili looks over his shoulder, slight concern on his face. Then I finally stop and catch my breath.

"Marry her?" It's almost a whisper. My sore throat can barely manage it. "Kili, I just met her."

Kili continues with his seriousness. "I know, Fili. I was there." Kee pauses and rolls over, facing me. "I've seen the way you look at her, the way your eyes light up when you talk about her. I'm no expert, but I'd say you're in love. And, I don't blame you. She's special, Fee. I like her. Ever since that day in the park, it was like it was meant to be. She belongs with you, Fee. If you're too stupid to see that, then I'll take her."

My mouth is hanging open again, I know it. But I can't seem to close it. Kili's words are tumbling through my mind.

Does he even realize what he's saying? Yes, I really like her. Maybe even love her. But we just met. I've seen too many people rush into things like marriage, and it never lasts. Marriage is something I only want to take part in once, and it will be with the one person that I cannot live my life without and that I love more than life itself. I think it might be Éowyn, but I can't just rush into something like this. Éowyn is a very special person. Her kind heart and warmth light up any room. She brings peace and happiness wherever she goes. She's perfect.

But marriage isn't something that I am really thinking about right now. Actually, I've never considered it.

I snap out of my thoughts only to realize that the room is suddenly quiet because I have actually spoken all of these thoughts out loud. Kili realizes what has just happened and a grin starts to grow on his face.

I feel the heat rising in my cheeks. I struggle for words, but it's too late.

"You're in deep, brother. Real deep." Kili laughs. Then his laughing stops and his face turns into a grimace.

I snap out of my stupor and jump to Kili's side. "What's wrong?"

Kili's eyes are squeezed tight. One hand is grabbing at his head, the other is searching for mine. I grab his wandering hand with one of mine and squeeze it. My other hand I move to Kili's head, and gently massage his scalp. Kili takes in a sudden gasp and opens his eyes.

"Fee?" He grits out between his clenched teeth.

"I'm right here, Kee."

"Pill?" Kili closes his eyes again and leans his head into the back of the recliner.

I have forgotten about his medication because he hasn't been needing it lately. Or maybe he has and he's just better at hiding things from me than I ever gave him credit for.

"Are they in your room?"

Kili nods his head.

"I'll be right back." I lay his hand back underneath the quilt and run up the stairs. I dig around in Kili's mess of a room because the pills aren't where I thought they would be on his nightstand. They aren't on his desk either. I reach into the pocket of a jacket that is draped across the back of a chair. Bingo.

I run back down the stairs to the living room. Kili is still grabbing at his head with one hand, but has started to curl into a fetal position. He's really in a lot of pain.

I shake his shoulder to get his attention. "Here."

I open the bottle and give him one of the pills. I hand him a bottle of water and he coughs a little after swallowing. My eyes never leave his face. Kili's puffy face looks flushed. I put a hand to his forehead, but he's cold.

"Want a heating pad? Might help the headache and give you some warmth."

Kili thinks it over and then nods his head.

I walk down the hall to the bathroom and reach into the cabinet beneath the sink. I pull out a heating pad from where it is buried in the back left corner. I grab a thin towel from the shelf and wrap the heating device in it. I turn the light back off and head back to the living room.

I turn the heat on and when it begins to warm, I walk over to Kili.

"Lean forward."

Kili does as I command and lets me place the small furnace behind his neck. Kili snuggles into the heat and relaxes back into the recliner.

"Anything else?"

Kili shakes his head. "Thanks."

"Try to sleep it off. I'll be right over here if you need me." I pat Kili's shoulder once more and resume my earlier position on the couch. But this time, my brain is too preoccupied to read the book.

* * *

><p>Kili slept for thirty minutes before waking up and grabbing his trusty bucket. I cringe as I listen to Kili wretch and heave. The noises disgust me, but he's more important than my discomfort. When he finishes, I wordlessly take his bucket and walk to the bathroom.<p>

As I walk down the hall, the front door opens and Thorin walks in. He hangs his keys beside the door and looks up. He notices the bucket in my hand and then catches my eye. I offer him a shrug and walk into the bathroom.

When the bucket is clean, I walk back to the living room. Thorin is kneeling beside Kili and talking to him softly. I can't make out what he is saying, but Kili seems to like it and smiles. Then he laughs a little and says something else. This gets a laugh out of Thorin and he reaches out and ruffles Kili's hair fondly before standing up.

I hand him the bucket which he lays beside Kili.

"Kili tells me you're thinking about getting married. Fili, I know you're a very intelligent man, and I trust your judgment, but don't you think this is a bit soon?"

I look at my uncle's face. A familiar, stony expression covers it and his eyes are dark and questioning. I open my mouth but no sound comes out.

Then Kili snorts and the light comes back into Thorin's eyes. He can't hold back his laughter anymore.

"You're right, Kee." He turns to look at my brother. "His face is priceless."

I roll my eyes, but soon find myself laughing along with them. Sometimes, I am the easiest target. And gullible. Very, very gullible.


	16. Chapter 16

**WEDNESDAY- TWO DAYS LATER**

"I have to be at court at 10:30, so I guess I can actually enjoy breakfast with you two this morning." Thorin says with a smile as he pours his coffee.

"Just Fili. I'm passing this morning." Kili mumbles. His head is laying propped on his folded arms on top of the kitchen table.

Yesterday had been much like Monday, only slightly worse. After radiation, Kili forced himself to eat a small sandwich. When that had failed soon after the first three bites, he threw it in the trash. He hasn't eaten anything since then. And this morning, he is in a particularly bad mood.

"Kee, you haven't eaten since lunch yesterday."

"I'm not eating."

"Just try some—"

Kili's voice rises along with his head. "Fili, I am not eating!"

I clench my jaws together, forcing my mouth to stay closed.

Thorin's low voice breaks the silence. "Kili—"

Kili shoves his chair back and stands. "I'm going to shower."

I bite my tongue. Saying anything now will only add to his foul mood, and I am not wanting to fight with him today. Actually, I never enjoy fighting with my brother, but that's beside the point.

A much needed mug of steaming coffee appears before me. I take a much needed sip and mutter my thanks to Thorin. I continue to sit here in the chair, breathing in the healing aroma of espresso. Thorin works on breakfast and tries to make small talk. After he asks the same question three times without my response, he stops.

Thorin is standing in front of the stove, concentrating on the pancakes and bacon. His back to the room. My back is also to the entrance from where I sit at the table.

So, neither of us knew Kili was back until—

"No."

The single word, though practically whispered, is filled with such anguish and sadness. Thorin and I both turn in unison, ready to leap to help.

But then we freeze.

In the palm of Kili's hand is a brown clump. And on the top of Kili's head is a missing patch.

The coffee mug in my hands falls from my grip and crashes onto the floor, shattering into a million pieces. A metaphor of my heart. Thorin stares at Kili's hand for a few more seconds, then blinks.

"Can you get the syrup, Fili?"

Sometimes I hate how he can so easily avoid compromising situations. But, right now, I envy him.

* * *

><p>Needless to say, not a word was spoken the ride to the hospital.<p>

Thorin had forced himself to eat a few bites of breakfast before realizing that he couldn't handle it. I quietly cleaned up my coffee mug mess. Kili went back upstairs. Thorin wordlessly left an hour early. I don't know where he went, but I'm sure it was somewhere he would be alone. He has too much pride to let people see him breakdown. Kili and I have seen it only a couple of times. It's awful.

"Will you be offended if I ask Doctor Baggins to shave my head?" Kili asks walking through the hospital doors.

"No," I answer honestly. Because, I don't know if I am capable of doing it. I know Thorin isn't.

Kili nods his head and continues walking, rather slowly, to the elevator. A green beanie with a large white "M" embroidered on the rim covers his head. Small sections of hair sneak out from around the edges. It looks normal. But, I know that on the top right of his head, a patch of hair is missing. And in less than an hour, there won't be any hair.

I shake my head and swallow hard, pushing those thoughts away. Kili reaches over to quickly grab my hand and squeeze it before stepping off the elevator. I can see the attempt at a smile hidden behind his mandatory mask.

"Ah, good morni—"

Bilbo stops speaking upon seeing the cap on Kili's head.

"Surprise," Kili mumbles.

"I'm sorry, lad."

The doctor's eyes hold complete sincerity to his words. I swallow, forcing the water in my eyes to stay inside.

"Will you do the honors?" Kili asks somewhat reluctantly.

Bilbo nods. "Yes. I'll send a request for the clippers to be sent down."

Kili reaches over and squeezes my hand once more and walks back for his treatment.

I collapse into the closest chair and put my head in my hands. I pinch the bridge of my nose with two fingers and release a heavy sigh.

A hand rests on my shoulder and offers a comforting pat.

"It's so surreal." I whisper, knowing full well that Bilbo hears me.

"I know. I see this all the time, and it never gets easier." Bilbo removes his hand from my shoulder. "Well, I am going to go make a few calls. I'll be back shortly."

* * *

><p>"Meeting adjourned. Re-gather tomorrow morning, 10:30. Dismissed."<p>

The loud echo of the gavel hitting the block resonates throughout the courtroom.

I gather my papers, packing them into my briefcase not so neatly. Once stuffed inside, I close and lock it. I leave the courtroom and exit the double doors separating me from the outside world. I take in a deep breath as the fresh, fall air hits my face. I walk down the sidewalk to the nearest bench and wait for the person trailing me to sit down, too.

"Thorin, where is your head today?" Dori asks, taking his place beside me.

Two choices: avoid the inevitable truth, or face it head-on.

"Kili has to shave his head today," I say with one breath. Then, I take another and continue. "This morning, when he was in the shower- it just—" I pause to swallow the lump in my throat. "Kili walked into the kitchen with a wet mass of hair in the palm of his hand. I didn't- couldn't- say anything. It's so surreal."

Dori is surprisingly quiet beside me. I know everything I just told him is quite the heavy load, but he is usually quick with a response. His silence disturbs me. But, then again, he probably doesn't have an adequate answer for everything I've just told him. How could he? He's never experienced something like this before.

"Thorin, lad, everything will work out. In the meantime, just do what you're best at— be Kili's number one fan."

I can't hold back a small laugh at the title he has given me. After watching Kili play is first game, I was hooked. I was, without a doubt, the loudest person in the gymnasium during the events, whether they be actual games or award ceremonies. Fili eventually gave up on trying to out-voice me. More than once, he had to apologize to those sitting around us for my loud behavior. A bit unprofessional for a lawyer? Maybe. But, I was the proudest pseudo-parent in that gymnasium, every single time.

"C'mon. I'll buy lunch." Dori says, patting my back.

* * *

><p>"He got sick during his treatment- twice. The technician said he was given something for the nausea. It should be taking affect soon. He's had a rough day. Right now, the best thing is to just go home and rest."<p>

"We'll try. See you tomorrow."

Bilbo smiles sadly and disappears into the back of his office.

Kili's now bald head is covered by his beanie. One arm rests firm in my grip; the other adjusts his mask. When he loops it securely around both ears, he nods and we start walking. I place my free hand on his back for extra support.

"Do you need a break?" I ask Kili when we reach the first floor. He nods and I lead him to a chair in the lobby. Kili sits down onto the poorly cushioned seat with an exhausted sigh. I spot a water cooler across the large room.

"Do you want some water?"

Again, Kili nods his head. "Please."

I grab a paper cup from the stack beside the cooler and fill it up. As I turn, my eyes catch a glance at a person standing a few feet away. I recognize the friendly face and walk over.

"Excuse me?"

"Fili! I haven't seen you in a while." Aragorn smiles and offers his hand.

I shake it, somewhat returning the smile. "It's good to see you, though I wish it were in better terms."

Aragorn nods in agreement. "Hospitals are not my first choice of social gatherings."

"Your wife's father, correct?"

Aragorn nods in acknowledgment. "It's been quite the battle, but he is being released tomorrow."

"That's great. I'm sure it will be quite the relief."

Aragorn nods his head in agreement. "How's your brother?"

_Might as well tell the story._ "His tumor grew immensely. He is now having radiation treatments- once a day, five days a week for at least four weeks. We are on week two now. In fact, he just ended a session."

Aragorn's face grows solemn. "I am sorry to hear that."

"This is actually his," I say indicating the cup in my hand. "Would you like to meet him?"

"Is that wise?"

_Probably not_. "I don't think he would mind. He's tired and weak, but that's nothing new these days."

"Well, then, I would very much like to meet this young man."

Aragorn follows me across the room. Kili is still in the chair, eyes closed and arms folded across his chest.

"Hey, Kee." I rub his arm, gently jostling him. "I've got your water. There's someone here I want you to meet."

Kili's eyes open and he reaches for the water. He pulls up the mask, takes a sip, and sits up straighter.

"Aragorn, this is my brother, Kili. Kili, this is Aragorn, a friend of dad's from high school. We coincidentally met one day on the elevators here. He's a good guy, Kee."

"Nice to meet you," Aragorn says to my brother.

"You too." Kili's eyes widen a little. "You knew our dad?"

Aragorn smiles. "I did. We were good friends, then he moved here. He was a great man."

This news makes me smile. I can remember more about our father than Kili. And they're all good memories. Kili doesn't have many memories. He enjoys hearing the stories people tell him about our dad though. He doesn't get many often because Thorin is too sensitive about the subject of our parents, and he has right to be.

The hint of a smile shows from behind Kili's mask.

"Your brother has told me much about you. I am glad that I can now connect a face when I hear about the reckless kid he proudly calls brother."

Kili offers a weak laugh. "Sounds about right."

I smile as Kili meets my eye. His eyes seem almost happy. Then he yawns.

Aragorn catches on quickly. "Well, I need to be getting back upstairs. And you, young man, look like you need some sleep."

"Twelve hours should do." Kili says.

Aragorn laughs lightly. "Sounds refreshing. Well, safe travels home. Keep fighting, young warrior. See you later."

I help Kili to the car and he sleeps the ride home. I practically carry him into the house. His full weight is leaning against me for support. I slowly drag him inside and deposit him on the living room couch, per his request. I grab his bucket and a few blankets and wrap him up. He hands me his mask and I lay it on the table.

"Will you stay?" Kili asks, not looking up.

Kili scoots over and I sit down. I put an arm around his shoulders. He leans into the embrace and wraps an arm around me, snuggling close. His head rests on my chest and soon his breathing becomes deep and even. Moments later, I close my eyes and join him in his slumber.

* * *

><p><em>Knock, knock.<em>

"Come in."

Fili's head pops around the corner of my bedroom door. I close my laptop and place it on my desk.

"Kili threw up again, but I finally got him calmed down enough to sleep." Fili informs me as he sits on my bed.

I nod my head in acknowledgment. When I came home from work, I found the youngest bent over a bucket and the eldest supporting him as he heaved. After dinner, Kili had shown me his head. I tried to hide my reaction, but couldn't hold back a startled gasp at his now bald head. Then, the shock of the red, burnt-looking flesh that is a result of the radiation certainly didn't aid my reaction. I covered up as quickly as possible, but it still impacted Kili deeply. I spent the next thirty minutes trying to console him. I thought he finally got himself together, but apparently I was wrong.

"He knows you didn't mean it," Fili says as if he can read my thoughts.

"I hope so." I raise my eyes from the wooden desk top. "Are you ok?"

Fili looks a little taken back by my question, but then a sheepish look comes over his face. "That's what I came in here to ask you."

I know he is referring to this morning. So, I tell him the truth. "I'm sorry about leaving this morning. I just really needed somewhere quiet to think. None of this seems real."

We sit in silence for a few minutes, then Fili asks where I went.

"Do you remember that lake I used to take you and Kili to when you were kids?"

Fili smiles as he reminisces. "Yeah, I remember. Caught my first fish there."

I smile too, remembering that day. It was late May. School had just let out, and to celebrate, the three of us went fishing. Fili was nine, Kili six. The sun was bright in the sky and the temperature was rising. Birds were singing and bees were buzzing as they flew among the blooming flowers. All was well.

I demonstrated how to bait a hook and cast a line. After a few practice trials, Fili was determined to do it himself, which of course, he did so perfectly. Kili on the other hand was too excited to pay attention to the short lesson, so I ended up helping him. I sat on the bank of the lake, Kili on my lap with his fishing pole in hand. I placed both my hands over his to steady the shaking. I tried to tell him that he needed to keep the pole still because if it moved a lot the fish would get scared and go away. Again, he didn't listen.

Twenty minutes later, Fili started yelling in excitement because his pole started jerking wildly. Kili jumped off my lap and started screaming for Fili to "get the fiss out of the wataw!" I told Kili to hush or the fish wouldn't come out. He closed his mouth, though it was a struggle, and continued to jump up and down. I told Fili to reel it in slowly and then when it got close, he picked up the pace. A twelve inch bass popped out of the water, scales shimmering in the sunlight. Fili's smile was priceless.

I took the fish off the hook for fear of Fili cutting himself on the hook or the fish. After careful instruction, I let Fili hold the fish. Kili ran up immediately and asked if he could touch it. I nodded my head and Kili reached a tentative hand up to the fish. As soon as his small fingers made contact with the scales, Fili jerked his hands and gave a short yell. Kili screamed and ran away, attaching himself to the back of my leg. Fili found it hilarious. I gave him a look but didn't get much farther because it was actually quite funny. I finally got Kili calmed down and Fili apologized. A few months later, Kili's fear of fish was cured.

"That's where I went today. I sat there on the bank and thought about that day."

"Seems like another life, doesn't it?" Fili says.

I silently nod my head in agreement. "So, you still haven't answered my question."

Fili's shoulders tense. "I'm ok."

My only response is an intense stare and my _I know you're lying_ look.

Fili places his head in his hands. "I was so scared. I didn't know what I was doing. Kili was comforting _me_." He points to himself and gives a sarcastic laugh. "I should've been comforting him, but I couldn't. I'm rubbish."

I lean over and put my hand on his knee. "Fili, no."

"I just carried him to the car and when we got home, I made him sleep. I haven't said anything. I couldn't. Why couldn't I do more?" Fili's voice is rising.

I lean forward and place my hands on Fili's shoulders and shake him lightly. "Fili, stop. You did what you could and it was enough. It will _always_ be enough. Kili doesn't need someone giving him words all the time. Sometimes he just needs a kind gesture. He appreciates that more than anything. You did well today- better than me, that's for sure. I am so sorry. I wish I could have been there, but I am so proud of you, Fili. You have no idea how proud I am of you." I pause swallowing the sudden lump in my throat before continuing. "And I know, without a doubt, that your parents are overwhelmed at your heart and willingness and love for your brother. They may not be here with us, but I _know_ that they are so proud of you, Fili." I hear my own voice cracking at the mention of my sister and brother-in-law.

Fili wipes away a tear that is trailing down his cheek, but it is quickly replaced by another. And another.

I cup the back of my nephew's neck with one hand. He takes in a couple of deep breaths and gets his emotions in check.

"I know you have court tomorrow, so I'll just say goodnight and be on my way."

"There isn't anything else you want to discuss?" I ask.

"No, that was all."

I'm not positive, but I think he may be hiding something. It's too late to bother him about it though.

"Well, goodnight, Uncle." Fili says standing and walking to the door.

"Goodnight, Fili."

I lay on my bed for another hour, still nowhere near sleeping. I grab a book from my desk and flip through the pages until I find what I am looking for. When I find it, I take the photograph out and smile.

A toothless, little Kili is grinning widely. His hair is soaking wet, brown curls sticking out in different directions. And in his grip is a small fish; the first he ever caught. It wasn't nearly the size of Fili's, but he was still so proud of it. He even tried to scare Fili with it, returning the favor from when Fili had caught his two months earlier.

"You'll be happy again." I whisper as I run a finger over Kili's happy face. "I promise."


	17. Chapter 17

"Don't move. You hear me? Do _not_ move."

I race down the hall to the bathroom and grab a wash cloth. I quickly wet the cloth in the sink and run back down the hall. Kili is doubled over, once again, retching. His arms are shaking from the effort to hold himself up. His second week of radiation ended two hours ago and so far, the day has been nothing but terrible.

The first two times he got sick, I was there to help him. But, unfortunately, I had been downstairs this time. Kili had gone up to his room to sleep. A weird feeling in the back of my mind told me to go upstairs, so I did, and this is what I found.

When he stops, I help him lean against the wall. Kili takes the cloth and holds it against his mouth a moment then places it on his head.

I stand up and start pacing in small circles- back and forth. I put my hand to my head and rub my temples. "Why were you even out of bed?" The harsh tone of my voice is evidence of my frustration.

Kili doesn't answer quickly enough for me, and as soon as I start to yell again, I hear the barest whisper. "I had to pee."

"Well, then—"

I stop. The shame in Kili's voice registers in my rattled brain. I quickly glance down and then bend down to face Kili.

"Hey, look, I'm sorry. It's ok. Just take a shower, it'll be fine."

An embarrassed tear makes its way down Kili's cheek and I rub it away with my thumb.

"Helpless," Kili mumbles. He smacks the floor beside him.

"Hey. Stop it." I grab his hand.

He tries to hit the floor again, but he surrenders to my grasp, too weak to fight back. "Fee," he whispers, then collapses into my side, tears falling down his face.

I wrap my arms around him and hold him tight. I feel his grip tighten as he pulls me closer. I rub circles on his back, fighting back tears of my own.

"All right." I push Kili off of me and look him in the eye. "Go shower. I'll clean this up here, then bring you some clothes. Ok?"

Honestly, I'm not even sure if he can stay standing long enough to shower. But, he desperately needs one. I help him up and when I hear the shower running, I go downstairs to the utility closet and get some cleaning supplies. Once the mess is cleaned and the supplies are back in their rightful places, I go to Kili's room and grab some clothes.

The water is still running when I knock on the door.

"I'm just going to put these on the counter."

"Ok," Kili answers me through the door.

A few minutes later, a fully dressed Kili steps through the door. He walks to his room and disappears for a moment then comes back out and follows me to the stairs.

"You forgot my socks." He says, elbowing me in the side.

"Oh, my bad. Can't have your toes freezing off." I wrap an arm around his shoulders and hear him laugh softly beside me. I join in as we make our way down the stairs.

* * *

><p>"Where's Fee?"<p>

I look up from the table, where I sit drinking my morning coffee and reading the paper. "Sleeping. I have nowhere to be today, so I told him to take the day off."

Kili looks dead on his feet. The morning of his twelfth treatment and he is barely capable of standing on his own. I haven't told him yet, but Fili and I have both discussed this predicament with the doctor. Doctor Baggins is arranging for a wheelchair to be made available at the hospital entrance conveniently for Kili. I am preparing for his protests, but it is only for his good. The last thing Kili needs is to collapse onto the hard floor and do more damage to his already battered body. In a few days, a wheelchair will also conveniently appear here, at home, for personal use. None of us are looking forward to it, but it is inevitable for Kili's safety.

"Sit." I order. He does so. I pour him a small glass of orange juice and, to my surprise, he drinks it.

"Are you ready to go?" I ask when he pushes his glass away, indicating that he isn't going to drink all of it.

He nods his head. I grab my car keys and we go.

Sure enough, the wheelchair is waiting in the lobby for us upon arrival. And I have never been more grateful, for I basically carried my nephew from the car. Kili doesn't even protest when I tell him to sit. He simply stares at it a few seconds and sighs, accepting the help.

I push the chair off the elevator and down the hall.

"Hello," Bilbo greets us as we enter the room.

"Hi," Kili says in response. I nod my head in greeting.

"Do you feel like walking back or do you trust my driving skills?" Bilbo addresses Kili.

Kili laughs weakly at the doctor's offer. "It's a rental. Can't have any damage done to it yet."

Bilbo laughs and helps Kili stand.

"See ya soon," Kili says as he walks away.

"I'll be here."

I wheel the chair over to a wide space, made especially for someone to park a wheelchair, and sit in the chair beside it.

A few minutes later, Bilbo takes the seat across from me.

"He didn't protest at the chair. He looked at it a moment then willingly sat down. He knows he's getting too weak. He accepts it."

Bilbo nods his head in agreement. "I've seen it with his visits every morning. These new obstacles form in his path and he accepts them. For a while, I was afraid- as was Fili- that he wasn't going to be willing to fight. But, he proves himself every time. But, lately, he just seems to accept things and go with them."

Though I haven't spent nearly as much time with Kili to notice the depth of what Bilbo is telling me, I have noticed some. "I know. What should we do?"

"Just give him encouragement and support. Make him fight, but let him know it is ok to ask for help when he needs it. And, believe me, he needs it. He's strong, but he cannot keep putting these things aside and over-doing it. He isn't used to being so weak, and now that he is, he doesn't know how to handle himself."

I nod my head in agreement and thank him for his time. He disappears and a few minutes later, he returns with Kili. The doctor hands me a blanket, which I wrap around Kili's small frame before he sinks gratefully into the chair. Kili brings the blanket up higher, half covering his swollen face. Bilbo asks Kili if he needs anything before leaving. Kili shakes his head no and I wave goodbye.

"Taxi service is ending for the day." I say, stopping in the lobby.

Kili looks up at me. "I'd tip you, but it seems I have no cash."

"I guess I can let it slide, considering you didn't complain about my steering." I come around to the front. The orderly takes hold of the handles on the back. "C'mon."

I hold tight to Kili as we walk to the car. Halfway there, Kili trips over his own feet.

"Whoa there!" My reflexes kick in and I grab Kili before he can fall. In the past two and a half weeks, he has lost eighteen pounds and his muscle tone. His already small frame is nothing compared to the skeleton he is now. Without a word, I sweep an arm under his legs and one around his back.

Kili startles as the concrete disappears beneath him. "What are—"

"Don't worry about it."

Kili feels weightless in my arms. It scares me. He mumbles a protest as I walk, but after a few attempts, he gives up. I put him down when we get to the car, he opens his door and gets in. He puts his seatbelt on and ignores me the ride home.

"So, when do I get my own?" He asks when we arrive home.

"What?" I ask, trying to hide the fact that I know what he's talking about.

"My new wheels."

I unbuckle my seatbelt and look at him before opening the door. "Saturday afternoon."

"Can we take it out for a test drive?"

I know for health reasons, Kili really shouldn't be spending too much time outside or with the general public for frequent periods of time. The trips to the hospital are about the limit of his mobility. But, if he bundles up and covers his face properly, then maybe I can sneak him out for a while.

"Yeah, we'll take it for a test drive."

* * *

><p>"Kee?" I knock on his bedroom door. "You awake?"<p>

"Yes." He answers through the closed door.

I sit on the side of his bed and rub his back. "You feel ok?"

He's lying on his stomach, arms wrapped tight across his abdomen. His head is turned away from me, but I can see the slight grimace on his face.

"I'll be fine." He mumbles into his pillow.

"I had an idea that might get you out of the house a little longer one day next week." I prompt him.

"Appreciate the thought, but right now, I don't care." Kili says, somewhat miserably.

I planned for this though, so I use my secret weapon. "I'm going to meet Éowyn at—"

Kili pushes himself onto his back. I hold back a laugh. I knew that would work.

"Continue." He says, giving me his full attention.

"As I was saying," I continue. "Éowyn is flying in for Thanksgiving next Wednesday, and I'm meeting her at the airport. If you're up for it, I'll sneak you out and you can come with me."

In truth, there will not be any sneaking. I plan on asking Thorin Tuesday evening, so he can base his opinion off of Kili's health status.

"Ok," Kili says, eyes wide. "I'm coming."

I laugh at his eagerness. "All right, Romeo. I'll tell her you'll be there."

Kili swats at my arm and then releases a yawn. I make sure he doesn't need anything then leave him to sleep.

When I get back to my room, I grab my phone and call Éowyn.

"Kili says he'll come."

"_Great! I just finished his gift today, actually. Did you get everything else planned out?"_

"Not yet. I still have to get Thorin's permission to take Kili to the airport."

"_But you just said…" _Éowyn pauses, realizing what I've done. I hear a somewhat frustrated sigh, then she continues. _"Fili, how could you? What if he gets sick? What if he doesn't get to come? He'll be so upset. You might be getting his hopes up for nothing."_

In truth, I have thought of this. And, me being the stubborn man I am, have chosen to completely push that option out of the way. "I know, I know. But, he might also fight harder these next few days knowing he will be rewarded."

"_And if your uncle says no?"_

I rub my hand over my face and shrug my shoulders. "I'll deal with his wrath later. Or I can just blame you."

"_Fili! I would very much like to make a good first impression!"_

I laugh at her reaction. "And I'm sure you will."

I hear a knock on my door. "Hold on." I tell Éowyn over the phone.

Thorin peaks his head in. "Dinner is ready. I'm going to check on Kili."

"Ok."

He notices the phone in my hand and raises an eyebrow. I bite the inside of my cheeks but it doesn't stop the redness from coloring them. He smirks and winks before closing the door behind him.

"_I can feel you blushing through the phone, Fili Durin."_

"Sorry." I laugh out of embarrassment.

"_Call me when you find out anything. Go eat your dinner."_

"Ok." Then before I know it the words slip out of my mouth.

"Good night. Love you."

I freeze. My mouth opens and closes. I can't seem to get enough air in my lungs and then I stop breathing all together.

But then—

"_I love you, too."_

And it is the most natural thing in the world.

* * *

><p>I walk into the kitchen to find Kili and Thorin seated at the table, plates in front of them, but not eating.<p>

"Sorry, had a phone call." I say, taking my seat.

Kili bends his head down and brings his fork up to his mouth, trying to hide his grin. I roll my eyes at him and take a bite of my chicken.

"Kili says you plan on picking her up at the airport." Thorin says, conversationally.

Thinking Kili has revealed my secret plan, I shoot him a glare. His eyes widen and his mouth opens slightly. _I didn't say anything_, his eyes tell me.

Thorin notices my reaction though and asks what the problem is.

_Busted._ "I was going to ask you later, I swear it." I look up and shrink under Thorin's warning gaze. "I sort of told Kili he could come with me to the airport. Then the three of us are going to have lunch before I take her to her uncle's."

"I don't know." Thorin says.

"You have to let me go! I _need_ to go!" Kili protests. Probably not helping the cause, but whatever.

"Kili," Thorin gives my brother a warning. "An airport is not the safest place for you to be right now. And then, you'll be eating after, and that's more people and unwanted germs."

"I'll wear my mask. I'll wear ten layers of clothes. I'll wear a space suit, if I have to!" Kili is nearly begging.

"And we can eat in the car." I add.

"Isn't that a bit impolite when you're driving your girlfriend around?" Thorin asks, taking a drink of his water.

"She won't mind. She just really wants Kili to be there."

Kili nods his head enthusiastically. I look at my uncle, silently asking him to say yes.

Thorin takes one more look at Kili and caves. "All right, as of this moment, you can go."

I keep my face void of my complete feeling of relief. Kili makes an excited exclamation.

"But," Thorin immediately adds. _Of course, there's always something more._ "If you aren't feeling well Tuesday evening and your treatment doesn't go well Wednesday morning, you are coming home and can meet with them later. Got it?"

Kili reluctantly nods his head. "Yes."

I give Thorin a silent _thank you_ with my eyes. He gives me a silent _we'll discuss this later_.

I pick up my fork and resume eating, bracing myself for the conversation we are sure to have later.

* * *

><p>"Take a seat." Thorin directs me, pointing to a chair in front of his desk. I feel more like one of his clients, sitting here in his office, but it is appropriate. We are going to discuss legal matters, after all.<p>

I clasp my hands together and wait for the oncoming storm. I have spent the time between now and dinner trying to prepare myself; thinking of what I'm going to say and how I'm going to plead my case. I almost pride myself for the defense I have brought up, but I know that what hope I have will soon dissipate once Thorin begins his lecture.

Thorin stands and walks to a cabinet, filing something away. Then sits back down at his desk, types a few more things on the keyboard, and closes the computer. He turns his chair and rolls up to sit directly in front of me; hands clasped together on top of his desk, piercing eyes on me.

His gestures are mimicking mine, but I squirm under his glare. It occurs to me that this glare is the reason he wins so many cases- one look at him and he stares into your soul. It's enough to make you confess to anything.

"Why are you doing this?" He asks me. Simple question, but so much depth.

"For Kili." I can tell that he wants me to elaborate, so I clear my throat and continue. "He needs something to do. He's bored. He gets out of the house for an hour a day, five times a week, and during that time, he experiences misery. He needs something to lift his spirits. He needs a change of scenery. He needs to spend time with happy people."

Thorin's eyes grow darker at my last comment. But, I don't care, because it's the truth.

"And you believe exposing him to unclean air and surrounding him by infinite health hazards is the way to help that?" Thorin asks, in his lawyer voice. He is no longer playing the role of uncle.

I sit up straighter and face him with a glare of my own. "He will not be overly exposed. He will be very well-protected, because _I_ will be there. _I_ will not let anything near him and _I_ will not let him do anything stupid. Kili needs somebody to show him he isn't wasting away. He needs to be happy again, whether you want to be or not."

The last sentence was not part of my plan earlier, but right now, I really don't care.

Thorin doesn't like it either. "You have no right to say that. You believe I'm not happy? You're correct. I'm not. I spend every waking second of my life and then some, thinking about you boys. Are you safe? Are you warm? Are you having a good day? Are you having any problems that I can help with?"

I flinch as Thorin smacks his desk and raises his voice even more. "And now Kili is very, _very_ sick and there is _nothing_ I can do about it. He is miserable. Fili, _you _are miserable. And I cannot fix it. I have no choice but to watch as nature takes its course: watch Kili struggle to even stand; watch you balance your future career and play nurse; watch Kili become a shell of the person he used to be; watch everything fall apart and continue down the hill, racing for the rock bottom. _That_ makes me _very_ unhappy, Fili. The reason for my unhappiness is due to the fact that I can no longer ensure your and your brother's happiness. So, do not tell me that I do not want to be happy again. Do not tell me that I find pleasure in Kili's unhappiness. You know _nothing_ of what you speak."

I swallow hard. My head is screaming to apologize, but my mouth has other plans.

"Kili is going to the airport, whether you give me permission to take him or not."

I realize my threat is beyond inappropriate on so many levels right now. My guilty conscience will get the best of me later. Right now, I'm still not ready to quit arguing.

"Is that so?" Thorin says. "It would be difficult to go to the airport if you didn't have a car. Wouldn't it?"

"Kili is getting out of this house; he is going to enjoy it, and he is going to be happy."

Thorin turns away and resumes his work. "Case closed. You're dismissed." He growls.

I throw the chair back a little too hard and exit. Kili walks out of the living room at the same time.

"Going for a run," I hold up a hand, silently telling Kili to shut up. "Don't follow me."


	18. Chapter 18

"Will you two just stop already?" Kili says exasperatedly, and slams his hands down onto the table. "If it's really such a big deal, I won't go. But, seriously. You're acting like kids. Get over pride and apologize."

Fili and I haven't spoken a word to each other since our argument last night. That was twenty-four hours ago.

"Do I really have to play judge right now? Because, I can show you each how you're both right and wrong in your own ways."

I look at Fili. He doesn't answer, neither do I.

"Fili," Kili begins. "You're right- I do need this for so many reasons. But, you're being a total jerk about it and going about it the wrong way. It's very disrespectful. I don't know what you're thinking, but it definitely isn't what my brother would do."

I spare a glance at Fili. Kili's words have triggered his conscience and no-doubt his heart.

"And, Uncle," Kili says turning to me. "You're right- it isn't the safest idea, but right now, who cares? I'm taking risks every day, what's another one to add to the list? Also, you seriously need a break- from work, from here, from _me_. That's why, while I'm with Fili, you're going to get out of this blasted house and do something that makes _you_ happy. Stop thinking about other and think about yourself. A few hours with me out of you sight isn't going to hurt anything. Just go somewhere. Drive to freaking Gondor if it will make you happy. Just do _something_."

I stare at him, trying to be angry, but I can't find anything remotely close to the feeling inside me.

Kili stands up, albeit wobbly, and promptly leaves the kitchen.

I stare at my hands, waiting to see if Fili will cave in first.

"I'm sorry." We both say in unison.

Fili continues. "I don't know what came over me. I hate myself right now. Uncle, I am so, _so_ ashamed. If you can't forgive me, I understand."

Fili's voice cracks at the end. There isn't a mean fiber in his body. His character as of late is going to weigh heavily on him for a while now.

"You don't need to apologize, because I have been acting the same way. I am sorry, Fili." I really hate myself right now.

"Can we just overlook all of this and pretend it never happened?" Fili proposes.

I nod my head and accept his offer. We may have verbally agreed to push this aside, but I know that deep inside, neither of us will be able to completely remove it from our minds.

* * *

><p>"Sign here, please."<p>

I sign the screen, indicating I have received the package, and thank the post-man.

I roll the wheelchair down the hall and to the living room.

"Special delivery for Kili Durin." I announce upon entering the room.

Kili opens his eyes from where he is laying in the recliner. His arms are wrapped tightly around his abdomen. The grimace on his face deepens at the sight of the wheelchair. "Yay."

I kick the locks down on both of the wheels and sit down in it. The leather really isn't that comfortable, but it could be worse. "It's not too bad. Besides, you won't be needing it for too long."

"Whatever." Kili grumbles and rolls over, turning away from me.

Until this moment, I believed my nephew was going to be all right with the new form of transportation. But, I can't say I rightly blame him for his attitude. It is a bit disconcerting.

"Do you still want to do something today?" I ask, already knowing his answer.

"No."

I hand him another blanket and place a pillow underneath is capped head. "I'll be right in my office. Yell if you need me."

* * *

><p>I hate grocery stores. I really do. But, this is what I get for volunteering to run errands for Thorin.<p>

Today, I've dropped some forms off at his office; stopped by the bank; picked up Kili's refill at the pharmacy; and now I am at the dreaded grocery store, trying to find a prize turkey for Thanksgiving dinner.

"It'd be easier to go out and shoot one myself," I mumble to myself, not thinking anyone is around to hear me.

But apparently not.

"You're probably right."

The voice startles me and I turn around to see who it is. Then my eyes widen in surprise and my mouth turns into a huge smile. I recognize the familiar but somewhat distant face. It is impossible to forget that blond hair though.

"Legolas? Legolas Greenleaf!"

He returns my wide smile. "Fili Durin! Good to see you!"

We shake hands and I just shake my head in amazement, still not comprehending that Kili's best friend from years ago is standing right here in front of me in the supermarket.

"What are you doing here in Ered Luin?" I ask, dumbfounded.

"I'm on my way to Mirkwood for Thanksgiving. It was a long flight, so my fiancée and I decided to get a hotel room for a couple of days. We're having dinner with some of my old friends tonight. I came here to pick something up."

"Fiancée? Congratulations! How long will you be in?"

"We're leaving Monday morning. We should hopefully make it to Mirkwood by Wednesday afternoon. There's a game that evening, and I'm going to try to surprise my father.

"That's great. I'm sure he will be happy to see you both."

"How have you been?" he asks. With his disappearance a few years ago and now word from him, I can only guess that he has heard nothing of Kili's recent predicament.

"I've been ok," I tell him. "I'm in law school now. Thorin's firm is still going strong."

"And Kili?" he asks hesitantly. Apparently he knows he was kind of a jerk, breaking-off all communication with my brother, his one-time best friend.

"He graduated this past May, still dreams of going to college with a full basketball scholarship. Of course, that isn't going to happen." I say, referencing his career-ending knee injury. "He doesn't really know what he wants to do with his life. And now, for the past couple of months, he has been very sick."

Legolas' eyes widen with concern. "What's wrong?"

I take a deep breath. It still kills me inside to talk about it. "He has a brain tumor. It's been there since he was born, none of us knew about it. It has remained dormant until recently. With no reason, whatsoever, it decided to grow. He is having radiation treatments five times a week now. Yesterday ended his third week. His treatments are scheduled to end next Tuesday, because of the holiday weekend. If they need to do more treatments, they will."

Legolas leans against the cooler behind him, eyes glued to the ground. He shakes his head slightly and I see him swallow hard, no doubt feeling the guilt from the past couple of years rise. _Good, serves him right._

"I- I never would have dreamed this." He says quietly.

"Neither did Kili."

He looks up again. "Fili, I don't think saying I'm sorry will suffice, but I have no words. I truly am so sorry. For everything."

He's right. It is nowhere near adequate. But, I nod my head and offer a kind smile. "I know. Kili just wonders about you sometimes. We all do actually. Whenever we see your father coaching a game on TV, we think about you."

"Look, I know he probably doesn't want to see me, and I completely understand. But, if you tell him about running into me today, will you tell him I said hello and that, even though it isn't adequate, I am sorry. Also, give him my best wishes for a speedy recovery?" Legolas sounds sincere enough.

"Yes, I'll tell him."

Legolas nods his head. "Well, I really should be going. Elsa is probably wondering where I am."

I smile. "I should be going, too. Best wishes to you and Elsa."

Legolas blushes at the mention of his fiancée. "Thank you. It was good seeing you again!"

"You, too. Have a happy Thanksgiving!"

* * *

><p>I set the groceries on the table. I'm putting canned food into the pantry when Thorin enters the kitchen.<p>

"I ran into someone at the store today."

"Who?" Thorin asks as he reaches into the refrigerator.

"Legolas Greenleaf."

Thorin closes the door. I turn around feeling his gaze on my back.

"Kili's old friend?"

"Yes. He and his fiancée are passing through on their way to Mirkwood for Thanksgiving."

Thorin reaches into a bag and pulls out more groceries. "He's engaged?"

I grab some more items off the table. "He took the news of Kili pretty hard. He was really beating himself up inside."

"Do you plan to tell Kili?" Thorin asks as he pulls out the prescription bag.

"Haven't decided yet. I'm just going to see how things play out."

"I recommend you wait. He isn't having a good day."

"Let me take him his meds. Maybe I can talk to him."

Thorin hands me the bag. "Good luck."

* * *

><p>"Hey." I say walking into the living room.<p>

Kili blatantly ignores me. Probably thinking Thorin has forced me to come in here and talk to him. Well, it's almost true.

"I have your meds." I try again. Still nothing.

I set the medication down on the table. I walk over to the recliner and grab the remote from where it is laying on top of the blankets covering Kili.

"Hey! I was watching that!" Kili protests when the screen goes blank.

"You shouldn't have ignored me." I say, setting the remote out of his reach. I hand him his pills and a water bottle. "Take them."

Kili makes no move to take the meds. The scowl deepens on his face.

"Do you want me to force them down your throat? Because I will." I threaten.

Kili takes the pills from my hand and downs them dry, still refusing the water. We both know he'll regret that in a while because the medication is strong and makes him nauseous.

"Why don't we go do something?"

Kili eyes his new chair. "No."

"Kili, you need to do something. Just go outside in the back yard for a half hour."

"N-O. NO. Give me the remote." Kili demands.

"If you want it bad enough, you can get it yourself." I pick up the meds from the table and leave.

I take Kili's meds and place them in the bathroom cabinet upstairs. I slam the door a little too hard behind me when I leave. I march back down the stairs and head for the kitchen where I know Thorin is. As I pass the bathroom, I hear Kili getting sick, no doubt from the pills. He'll just have to take them again.

I enter the kitchen and go straight to the coffee pot, pouring me a hot mug full.

I set the mug down harder than need be and a little spills out. I aggressively rip off a paper towel from where a roll stands in the middle of the table. Thorin eyes me over his mug, a smirk forming on his face. I glare at him, finding no humor in my frustration. He catches on and doesn't say anything, knowing that I had no success with Kili either.

"Where are my pills?"

I don't even bother to turn to look at Kili.

"Upstairs bathroom."

The shuffling of feet is the only indication I have of Kili leaving. Part of me feels guilty, that maybe I should help him up the stairs, or even get them for him. But, part of me wants to let him discover his own stupidity on his own.

Twenty minutes later, Kili wheels himself into the kitchen. He is wearing a thick jacket with a sweatshirt underneath. The scarf wrapped around his neck covers half of his face. A thick blanket covers everything but his head, which is covered by his cap.

"Can we go outside now?"

* * *

><p>"This is nice," Kili says, closing his eyes in content as he breathes in the fresh November air. "Don't say it," he suddenly says turning to me.<p>

_Told you so_, I think and smile smugly at him.

It is nice though. The clouds overcast the sky, hiding the sun for the evening. The trees are bare of leaves. A rainbow of red, orange, and yellow litters the ground. I listen as the creek along the edge of the forest flows strong and steady. A light breeze is blowing, adding a slight chill to the air. It is a comfortable temperature, not too cold, but I know Kili is starting to get cold. Well, colder.

"Do you want to go in?"

Kili immediately shakes his head no. "I'll be fine."

Thorin walks up behind him then and wraps another blanket around him. Kili doesn't protest, just buries himself deeper into the warmth.

Thorin joins me on the porch swing and takes in the scenery. This is something we share- he and I both love the autumn season the most. Kili prefers the summer, but the first snowfall of the season always excites him.

"Did you hear that?" Kili suddenly asks.

I look at Thorin and he has a questioning look on his face.

"Hear what?" I ask.

Kili listens for a moment. "That rustling noise. Did you hear it?"

I hear it, and by the look on Thorin's face, he does, too.

The three of us look to the edge of the forest, waiting for whatever is out there to make an appearance. Then, two deer walk out and head straight to the creek, coming down for their evening drink. One of them is a doe, most likely the mother. The other is a small fawn, a couple of months old tops.

We sit in silence, watching the careful movements of the deer, so full of grace and poise.

"They're beautiful," Kili whispers, his voice full of awe and wonder.

The two deer graze along the forest edge for a while longer. Then, they make one more stop at the creek. After they have their fill, they disappear back into the forest from whence they came.

My eyes finally leave the forest. I guess I am silently wishing they would come back. For some reason, it was almost inspirational. I don't know why, but just watching them has filled me with hope and complete awe of creation. It's just beautiful.

Thorin nudges me with his elbow. When I look up, he nods his head in Kili's direction. I laugh at seeing Kili asleep, looking like a turtle that has buried itself in its shell. The blankets are wrapped around him like a protective shield and his head is tucked to his chin.

Thorin opens the door and I move behind Kili's chair, unlocking the wheels and push him into the house.

"I've got him," I tell Thorin once inside. He nods his head and goes to his office.

"Hey, Kee," I gently tap his cheek. "Wake up. I'm not carrying you upstairs."

Kili stirs and opens his eyes. "Tired," he says with a yawn.

"Me too. Let's go to bed. I'll help you upstairs. C'mon."

Kili reaches up a hand and I grab it and pull him up. I let him catch his balance and when he nods, we walk to the stairs. It's slow, but he makes it up the first eight steps without much problem. The last seven were even slower, and I dragged him up the last three of those. We reach the top and I let him take a quick break. He leans against the fall for a minute, and when he catches his breath, we walk to his room. He lays down on his bed, throw the comforter and a quilt over him, and falls asleep immediately after.

"Good night, Kee." I whisper closing the door behind me.

I walk to my room and put on some pajamas. Then, I lay down and bury myself in the blankets. And I sleep, a wonderful, deep, uninterrupted, slumber.


	19. Chapter 19

"Are you ready yet?"

Kili insisted on changing into some nicer clothes to go to the airport in. So, when his treatment ended, Bilbo allowed him to use the conference room to change in. I have been standing outside the door for nearly ten minutes now. Bilbo said the treatment had gone ok, but Kili was feeling a little nauseous. They gave him some medicine for his stomach and it should be kicking in soon.

The door opens beside me and Kili walks out. It's strange seeing him in jeans and a nice shirt, after seeing him in sweatpants and old t-shirts for the past couple of months. A smile forms on my face- the famous grin is on his face and his eyes look happier than they have been in a long time. His complexion is still startlingly pale and the dark rings still surround his eyes, but he seems happy.

He puts his cap on his head and adjusts his mask, then sits down in the wheelchair. Thorin had threatened him last night that if he protested his chair today, he would be staying home. Kili immediately agreed to do whatever he was told.

Bilbo had given his permission when I asked yesterday. He said as long as Kili doesn't make contact with anything and wore his mask, he would be fine. Kili had thanked him with a big grin and a handshake.

"We're going to be about thirty minutes early. Do you want me to get you anything to drink?" I ask once Kili is in the car and his chair in the trunk.

"No, I'm fine."

Twenty minutes later, we pull into the airport parking lot. The medicine is taking effect on Kili and I watch as he fights off the drowsiness. Kili gets out and into his chair. I lock the car behind me and we make our way through the automatic sliding doors to the building.

I search the boards for the terminal where Éowyn's plane should be arriving within the next twenty minutes. I find it and wheel Kili down to terminal nine. Luckily, the waiting area isn't too crowded, but still, the number of people here makes me uncomfortable. I sit down in a chair beside Kili. His head keeps rolling to the side, then he jerks himself upright.

"I'll wake you when she gets here. Just take a quick nap."

Kili straightens himself. "No, I'm not sleeping yet."

I blow out a huff of air at his stubbornness. But, there's no stopping him now. So, the two of us sit here and watch the terminal entrance. I start to fidget- bouncing my knees, clasping and unclasping my hands. I didn't even realize I'm nervous until—

"Flight 111 Rohan, is now landing."

Kili's head snaps up and my feet hit the floor. We watch and wait and watch some more.

"Éowyn!" Kili exclaims and waves his hands in the air. The smile back on his face.

She sees us and returns Kili's smile. I grab Kili's chair and we meet her halfway.

"Hi," she says, looking at me shyly.

"Hi," I lean down and kiss her on the cheek. Yes, Kili will get me for it later, but oh well.

"Was your flight well?" I ask, taking her luggage.

"It was, but I'm glad to be on the ground." She says laughing.

She turns to Kili then. "Hey, handsome!" She leans down and lets Kili kiss her on the cheek as she hugs him.

Kili wiggles his eyebrows to me from over her shoulder. I roll my eyes and fight back a laugh.

"Oh, Fili, can you hand me that small bag on top?" She points to a small blue gift bag.

I hand it to her, already knowing what it is.

"I made you something. I hope you like it." She says, handing the bag to Kili.

He looks at us curiously, then pulls out the tissue paper on top. Then, he reaches in and pulls out a beanie- hand crocheted with his favorite shade of blue yarn. On the brim in white yarn, is the word "CHAMPION" and the number 12- Kili's old jersey number.

Kili holds the beanie delicately in his hands. "I love it. Thank you." He finally says, looking up with tears in his eyes. He takes off his old beanie and replaces it with the new one.

"Thank you," I whisper in Éowyn's ear bringing her to my side with one arm.

She wraps her arms around my waist and hugs me back. "You don't have to thank me for anything."

She releases her hold on me and moves behind Kili. "So," she says, placing her hands on the chair handles. "Do you trust me to get you to the car safely?"

"Of course!" Kili pipes up.

I follow behind with Éowyn's luggage. Once we get to the car, Kili drags himself into the back seat. I load Éowyn's luggage into the trunk and Kili's chair into the back. I join Éowyn in the front seat and head for home.

"I originally planned a picnic at the park, but it's too cold for Kili, whether he wants to admit it or not." I tell her. I spare a glance in the rear-view mirror. Kili is already asleep.

"Is he feeling ok?" Éowyn asks, concerned.

"He's fine. They gave him some medicine for his nausea before we left. He's been fighting the drowsiness for an hour now. I guess it finally hit him."

"I'm glad he came," Éowyn says, looking back at him.

"Me too. He really needed this." I say earnestly.

We sit in a comfortable silence the rest of the drive home. When we pull into the garage, Kili wakes up. He stretches and shakily gets out of the car. Éowyn grabs onto him and walks with him to the door. I grab his chair from the back and bring it with me. I open the front door, and allow her and Kili to walk in first.

"What a lovely home," Éowyn says, smiling and looking around.

Kili takes the lead and Éowyn and I follow. Thorin greets us in the kitchen where he has just finished lunch. Luckily, he didn't have to work today and saved me from embarrassment by making lunch. He also used this opportunity to keep a close eye on Kili and meet Éowyn, of course.

"Éowyn, this is my uncle, Thorin. Uncle, this is Éowyn."

"It's so nice to finally meet you. Fili mentions you often," she says smiling and reaching out to shake Thorin's hand.

"Likewise. Fili has told us all about you. It's nice to finally meet this wonderful young lady," Thorin says returning her handshake. "Please, sit. Lunch is ready and I know you've had a long flight."

Kili sits down at his normal spot. I bring Éowyn and I some drinks and join her opposite Kili. Thorin gives Kili a drink and looks him over, taking in his happy smile but tired body. He takes his seat when he is satisfied that Kili is all right and we eat lunch together. Small talk is made and laughs are shared. It goes smoothly and when it's over, Thorin makes coffee and we gather in the living room for more talk.

Éowyn joins me on the couch, settling into my side. Thorin takes a seat in an over-stuffed chair, and Kili assumes his usual position in the recliner. We let him rest, knowing he's exhausted and no doubt fighting off sickness. I watched him closely at lunch. He tried to eat, but he didn't manage much.

Thorin, Éowyn, and I continue with casual conversation for another thirty minutes. Then, Éowyn and I stand to leave, knowing she needs to get to her uncle's. I look at Kili, debating on asking him to come or not, but decide not to because he needs sleep more than anything. Plus, he's spent too much time away from home today.

"It was nice meeting you. Thank you again for lunch. It was amazing." Éowyn says to Thorin as we stand by the door.

"You are very welcome. Come back before you leave again." Thorin tells her, a very rare, genuine smile on his face.

"I will," she smiles at him.

I grab her hand and lead her out the door. "Be home later." I call over my shoulder.

"Drive safely!" Thorin calls, closing the door behind him.

* * *

><p>"Fili, stop shaking. It's just my uncle."<p>

"Sorry," I mumble. She grabs my hand and squeezes it.

We walk up to the door, hand in hand, and she knocks.

"Uncle!" she releases my hand and wraps her arms around him.

He happily returns the gesture, placing a kiss on her forehead. "Hello, angel! Welcome home!"

She steps back and grabs my hand, gently pulling me forward. "Uncle, I want you to meet Fili Durin. Fili, this is my uncle, Théoden."

"Pleasure to meet you, sir." I extend my hand, which Théoden returns with a firm grip and wide smile.

"Please, please, come in!" Théoden steps aside and ushers us in with his a wave of his hand.

Éowyn and I step into the house, and my eyes roam the room, taking it all in. The entrance actually opens into the living room. A cobblestone fireplace is crackling on one side of the room; the smell of burning wood fills the air. A large couch sits in the center of the room, with a glass coffee table in front. Beside the couch is a large, wing-backed chair with a small cushioned foot rest standing a few inches in front. Pictures of what I assume are children, grandchildren, and other family members are scattered around the room. What really amazes me though, is the book shelves that make up the entire back wall of the room.

"I take it you enjoy reading?"

I turn to address Théoden. "Yes sir. It's something I've always enjoyed."

"There are over three thousand books on those shelves. Feel free to borrow any that you like." He says, patting me on the back. "Éowyn has already told me you cannot stay long, but I trust you will be back before she leaves. I would very much like to spend time talking with you."

I look at Éowyn; her smile gives me all the answer I need. "Yes, sir. I would enjoy that greatly."

Théoden smiles and offers to help me carry in Éowyn's bags. I try to tell him that there aren't many, because there really isn't, but he insists on helping. So, the two of us carry in Éowyn's luggage and set them outside of her bedroom door, which is located down the hall from the living room.

Théoden tells me to come back soon and leaves, giving Éowyn and me some privacy at the door.

"Thank you for today," she says, placing both of her hands in mine.

I entwine my fingers with her own. "You are very welcome."

"I leave next Wednesday. We will see each other before then, right?"

"Of course," I say without any hesitation.

"Good," she says smiling. "I really enjoyed meeting your uncle."

"He likes you. I'm positive. He hasn't smiled that genuinely in a long time." I assure her. "I want to come back and spend some time with your uncle, as well." I add.

"You better! He is looking forward to it. He loves his books, and enjoys discussing them even more." She laughs. "I should let you go." She sighs.

I pull her into a hug. She wraps her arms around my waist and lays her head on my chest. "Text me when you get home, ok? And tell Kili I said thanks for letting me drive him around." She laughs.

"I will." I say with a chuckle. I pull back and place a kiss on her cheek. "Good night."

* * *

><p>When I enter the house, the aroma of a baking turkey immediately fills my senses. Thorin steps out of the kitchen, wiping his hands on a towel. He tells me Kili got sick soon after we left and an hour later, he was running a fever.<p>

Guilt immediately sets in. "I shouldn't have taken him today." I rub a hand over my face and through my hair, berating myself for my careless actions.

"He's fine. He just tried too hard today. It's not your fault, and it's not his. It's no one's." Thorin says, patting my back.

He asks how everything went at Éowyn's. I tell him about her uncle insisting I come back soon to discuss his large book collection.

"I like her," he says.

"Me too," I say with a smile.

"I'm going to finish up in here for the night. Can you check on Kili when you get upstairs?"

"Already planned on it."


	20. Chapter 20

"_Hello!_" Balin's familiar voice calls.

"_Where's the food?_" Dwalin's friendly grumble follows soon after. I hear the door close a moment later.

I look over to Kili, who is fighting off sleep in the recliner. I checked his temperature not thirty minutes ago. Thankfully, it's low-grade, but it's still there and that worries me. A football game is on the TV, but he isn't seeing most of it considering his eyes are drifting shut.

"Hey, boys!" Dwalin enters the room and gives me a friendly, albeit powerful, pat on the back.

"Hey," Kili croaks out from the recliner. Dwalin looks at me, silently asking for permission to go over and say hi. I nod my head, letting him know it is okay.

Dwalin walks over and gently lays a hand on Kili's blanket covered shoulder. "How are you doing, laddie?"

"I'm ok," Kili says with a yawn. "Hey, we match now." Kili says, pointing to his bald head.

"Better wake up. If you think I'm going to sit here and tell you about the game after you've chosen to sleep through it, you're wrong." To anyone else, Dwalin would sound hateful and harsh. But, we've grown up around him, and know when he's joking. Like, right now.

"How am I supposed to sleep with your loud mouth?" Kili says, sitting up a little straighter.

"Watch your tongue, boy," he says gruffly. Kili gives a small laugh as Dwalin carefully hits him on the head.

"If you two promise to not break anything," I say standing up, "I'm going to go see if I can do anything in the kitchen."

Dwalin looks at Kili and quietly asks him something. Kili laughs softly.

"We'll be good," Dwalin says seriously. I spare one last look at Kili, knowing I'm leaving him in good hands and join Balin and Thorin in the kitchen.

* * *

><p>Thirty minutes later, the five of us have gathered into the living room, full plates and drinks in hand. Normal families would be gathered around a table and telling each other how thankful they are for each other. But the Durin family doesn't show sentimentality so openly in larger groups of people. I suppose we do, just not with so many special words. It's more of actions and gestures for us.<p>

Balin occupies the other end of the couch. He rolls his eyes at Dwalin's loud outbursts of frustration at the game. Dwalin is sitting in a chair which he has moved right beside Kili. Thorin is seated in an overstuffed chair on the opposite side of Kili. Even Kili, after a few bites of food and some loud encouragement from Dwalin, is starting to get aggravated and voice his frustrations at the game. Thorin, though not as loud as Dwalin, is getting into the game, as well.

"Get ready to run," Balin says leaning over to my ear. "Something's bound to break if the score doesn't change soon."

The room gets quieter. The only sound coming from the commentators and the roar of the crowd at the game.

"What!"

"GO! GO! GO!"

Three different reactions occur due to the sudden excitement: Thorin leans forward, hands on knees, muttering "C'mon!" repeatedly; Kili sits up a little straighter and his eyes widen as they follow the player down the screen, who is gradually getting closer to the end zone; Dwalin abruptly stands and places his hands on his head as he shouts, fighting back obscenities.

"_Touchdown!_" the commentator proclaims.

Thorin, Dwalin, and Kili all let out excited cheers. Kili's quickly turns into a cough, but he immediately says he's fine. He takes a sip of his water to clear his throat, and sure enough, starts cheering again.

"I hate to see what will happen if we win," I say to Balin. He laughs in agreement.

The game continues, the score flipping from team to team. Eventually though, the clock reads three seconds left on the overall time. Kili has pushed the footrest down on the recliner and is now sitting- or rather bouncing- on the edge. Thorin is doing the same from his chair. Dwalin gave up his seat long ago, and is now standing and fighting to stay in one place.

The play begins. The clock starts counting down. The punter runs up for the kick. The ball soars through the air and straight between the goal posts.

"_And the field goal is complete! The Ered Luin Hammers_ _have won the game!_" The announcer proclaims, only to be drowned out by the loud cheers coming from our living room. Thorin pumps a fist into the air. Kili does the same. And then suddenly, Dwalin is picking Kili up out of excitement and bouncing him in the air. The two of them manage to make enough noise that I'm sure all of Ered Luin can hear them.

In contrast to the force of picking him up, Dwalin sits Kili back down gently. He may be a beast of a man, but when he is with people he cares for, he's the biggest teddy bear. Kili and I would torture him about it when we were little. But, he took it all in good stride. More than once, he'd mended our cuts and bruises. One time, when Kili was about seven, he broke a toe while playing little league soccer. Dwalin had gently picked him up like the little wounded bird he was and carried him off the field. He used soft words to get Kili to calm down long enough for the paramedics to get to him. By the time they arrived, Kili was laughing and teasing Dwalin about his bald head.

"Well, how about that! We won, boy!" Dwalin says, rubbing Kili's back. Kili just smiles and laughs.

"Well, now that the excitement is over, I do believe we shall be going." Balin says, standing. "Thank you for letting us invade your home and for the meal."

"Just keeping with tradition." Thorin responds, referring to the fact that we do this nearly every year.

Balin tells us goodbye and walks out of the room. But, before he disappears from sight, he catches Thorin's attention indicating that he wants to speak with him.

Dwalin tells Kili goodbye, but before he can walk away, Kili clears his throat. Dwalin turns to look at him and raises his eyebrows. Kili reaches out his hand, palm up. With a sigh and some grumbling, Dwalin reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a twenty dollar bill from his wallet. Kili grins mischievously, and Dwalin swats at his head. He tells me good bye in passing and I say the same to him.

When he leaves, I turn to Kili, whose eyes are closed and is curled into a ball.

"What was that for?" I inquire about the money.

"We made a bet earlier that he couldn't make it the entire game without breaking something. He did okay until the last ten minutes." Kili says with a laugh.

"What did he break?" I ask, fearing the answer.

"Nothing major. Just snapped five pencils right in half." Kili ends with a yawn and buries himself into the quilt.

"It's been a good day," he mumbles, sleepily.

"Yeah, it has." I agree, looking over and seeing him already asleep. "Happy Thanksgiving, Kee."

* * *

><p>"<em>Fili, can you get that?<em>" Thorin calls out from where he is currently helping Kili back to the living room.

"Yeah!"

I take the stairs two at a time, all the time wondering who is responsible for the ringing of the doorbell. I run a hand through my hair and then smooth my shirt as much as possible. I unlock the door and turn the knob to open it then immediately stop.

"Éowyn?"

She steps in, not waiting for permission and immediately takes in my frazzled appearance. "Get a change of clothes and whatever you need to shower. You're coming with me."

I hear nothing of what she has just said and continue to stare at her. "Now isn't a good time…"

She grabs my hand. "I know. Thorin called me."

"What? I can't—"

"Fili, your uncle and brother are giving orders for me to do whatever it takes to get you away from here for a few hours. Now, compromise or we can do things the hard way."

I swallow hard and nod my head. "I'll be back down a few."

* * *

><p>"Éowyn, thank you." I say to my nephew's girlfriend.<p>

"It's no problem at all. I'm glad you called me." Her gaze drifts over my shoulder to my youngest nephew who is currently fighting to keep down the medication he has just taken for the second time this afternoon. And, probably soon to be the third. "Is he going to be ok?"

"I haven't told Fili yet, but his temperature is starting to climb again. If it gets too high, I'm taking him in. This isn't normal."

Éowyn nods her head in agreement. "Not a word to Fili, I promise."

"Thank you." I tell her sincerely.

"I thought we would go back to my uncle's and give him a chance to get cleaned up. Théoden is looking forward to getting some one-on-one time with him."

"Oh, yes, I forgot. Kili ordered me to set up a dinner reservation for the both of you- 6:30 at _The Gardens of Lórien_ downtown." I hold up a hand as she begins to protest. "It's paid for. Kili wants to do this."

I can see her struggling with the pure generosity and kindness that has just been offered to her. But, then she smiles and I find myself trying to smile back.

"Thank you for everything. Just stay here and help Kili. I'll take care of Fili, I promise."

"I don't doubt it for a second."

Fili appears in the doorway soon after, duffle bag in hand. The dark rings surrounding his eyes are proof of the consecutive sleepless nights he has endured. Things were looking up regarding Kili's health Thursday evening, but all hopes were shattered when he woke up sick Friday morning. Things have grown gradually worse since then. Now, it's Sunday and although he is scheduled for a treatment tomorrow, I may be taking him to the hospital instead.

Fili tries to step around me. I grab his arm, stopping him in the process.

"Fili, we will be fine here. Kili is in good hands."

Fili hesitates a moment. Then tries to step forward again. I gently tighten my grip on his forearm and push him towards the doorway. Éowyn reaches forward and grabs his hand, tugging it gently.

"I just want to tell him that I'm leaving." He insists.

"Kili knows you're leaving. This is all his idea."

"Fili," Éowyn cuts in. "You're taking a break. Now, come on. You need a shower." She adds with a gentle smile.

"Fee, go." We all turn around upon hearing the weak, but still forceful, command.

Éowyn tugs on Fili's hand once more and he gives in. I give him a warm pat on the back and watch the two of them leave. I turn as the sound of heaving fills the room.

"Round three of meds, coming right up."

* * *

><p>The third attempt at Kili's medication worked and for the past two hours, he hasn't had any ill side effects. For which, we are both very thankful. I look down at Kili's head which is settled on my chest, eyes closed tightly. His deep breathing tells me that he is asleep. I can't remember the last time we were in the same position. Memories of a little Kili curled up on my chest sound asleep as the end credits to a movie roll on the television screen, flood my mind. Those days seem like another lifetime. None of it even seems possible anymore.<p>

I shift my position slightly, trying to ease the numbness of my back. The couch does nothing to help my subtle movements and the shifting causes a small groan of protest to come from Kili's sleeping form. I stop moving and put my arm back across his shoulders, holding him close, not wanting to wake him. Right now, he needs all of the sleep he can get because he hasn't gotten hardly any for the past few days.

Kili's battered frame gives in, finding comfort from my strong embrace. I feel him move, trying to resituate himself. A slender arm sneaks out from underneath the quilt and hugs me. I smile at the distant memory of a little Kili doing the same thing. But now at seventeen, the action feels just as natural coming from him. I know they aren't my biological children, but I've always felt like they were. I know I can never replace their parents. My sister and brother-in-law remain strong in my memories and my heart aches with their loss. Almost daily, I question if Dis and Rimi would approve of what I am doing or if they would be ashamed of my choices. Sometimes though, I can almost sense their approval.

To my amazement, Fili still hasn't called or even sent a text. Éowyn is doing a good job at the difficult task we have assigned her to. At first, I had protested Kili's request to call Éowyn. But the longer I thought about it and the more Kili protested, I decided she was a force to be reckoned with and that I could trust her with this. Now, I am glad that I did.

Kili begins to shift in his sleep and a small whimper escapes from him. I rub soothing circles on his back and whisper soft encouragements in his ear. The movement increases and finally I realize after a particularly loud groan that he is trying to push himself upright. I quickly sit him up, leaning him against the back of the sofa and reach for his bucket. He quickly seizes it from my hands and promptly throws up. When he finishes, he leans his head back against the couch, closes his eyes, and takes in a few deep breaths.

"Are you finished?"

Kili opens his mouth to respond. When no sound comes forth, he clears his throat. "Yeah."

I watch as his eyes squeeze even tighter and the grimace on his face deepens.

"No," he suddenly says reaching over for the bucket. I grimace in concern as the retching continues. He stops sooner this time, and then shoves the bucket away indicating he is finished for good. I leave and go to the bathroom down the hall. Once the bucket is clean, I return to the living room. Kili is leaning sideways, head cocked at a certainly uncomfortable angle, but his eyes are closed.

I place my wrist to his forehead. The warmth has grown a little more, but still isn't enough to send off the alarms in my head. I tap his knee gently, trying to wake him.

"Kee. Hey buddy, look at me."

Kili lets out a small moan, but opens his eyes like I have asked.

"Drink this." I order him, handing him a small glass of water.

He shakes his head no in protest.

"Kili, you have to drink this water. It will help."

Kili opens an eye, weakly glaring at me. But, when I return with my penetrating stare, he gives in and drinks the water. He hands the glass back to me when he is finished. He closes his eyes and leans over again, putting his head on the arm rest.

"Do you want to go to bed?" It's only four in the afternoon, but I can see he is exhausted.

"Here's fine." He mumbles.

"I'm sure your own bed is much more comfortable than this couch. C'mon." I place my arms around him carefully and pull him up. To my surprise, he doesn't protest at me carrying him. Instead, he lays his head in the crook of my neck and releases a deep sigh. This, of course, concerns me. The weight-loss he has experienced is frightening. He is nothing but bones now; his sharp shoulder blades are ever-prominent against my biceps. At a spur of the moment decision, I turn left instead of right when we reach the top of the stairs.

Kili notices this and asks what I'm doing.

"You're going to my room. I have my own bathroom, so it'll be easier than dragging your lazy butt down the hall."

I put Kili down when I reach my door. I push the door open, and help him make his way to my bed. As soon as we enter the door, he puts a hand in front of his eyes and squints at the bright sunlight coming through the windows. He makes it to the bed and sinks down onto the mattress. I quickly walk over and close the blinds and the curtains on the four windows.

"Do you need anything from your room?" I ask.

"No."

Kili lays his head onto one of the pillows. I cover him with a large quilt and another blanket. I sit down on the edge of the bed and take his hand which he has outstretched toward me. I rub circles on the back of it, noticing how cold it is.

"What was mom like?" Kili asks after a period of silence.

I freeze at the random question. After thirteen years, it still aches to speak of my lost sister.

I look at Kili. His deep brown eyes are looking at me, waiting for an answer.

I clear my throat before I begin speaking. "You look just like her; same hair, nose. Except your eyes; those are from your father. Dis, was my little sister. She was strong-willed and stubborn; always put up a good fight. One time, I had to break up a fight between her and another kid. Of course, she got in a few hits before I could stop her." I pause to laugh at the memory. "The poor guy who met the end of her fist went home with a bloody nose."

"She hit a guy?" Kili asks in complete shock.

"Yes. I told you, she was tough." I smile at the memories. "She was the most compassionate and loving person, though. She was very protective of her own. Always had a smile on her face. She loved you and Fili very much. We were very close."

Kili lets the new information sink in. After a few minutes he asks about his father.

I smile, once again, at the memories of my deceased brother-in-law. "Rimi was my best friend. Fili is the spitting image of him. His heart of gold is what really made him special. He always had a smile on his face and was very intelligent. His mind was always on others, never himself. He was the only man brave enough to handle Dis. I believe that's why she married him." I laugh fondly at the memories. "Now that I think about it, you're laugh is just like his, as well. And that cheeky grin."

Kili attempts that cheeky grin at my comment. It doesn't make its usual grand appearance, but a glimmer of what it used to be does make its way to his face. For a second, he almost looks like the normal Kili. Almost.

"What do you think they'd be saying now?"

Without hesitation, I answer. "I _know_ they would be very proud. Both you and Fili have been through a lot in your short lives, but you pull through every time. It's that Durin-Oakenshield blood running in your veins."

"You're doing a good job." Kili says.

I meet his eyes. "Sometimes I don't feel like it."

"I know," Kili says earnestly.

Fili has always been the more observant of the two. And, sometimes, I find myself not bothering to listen to Kili's opinions because I assume he doesn't ever have one. And then he says something like this, and I realize that Kili does pay attention to the important things in life: those he loves and cares about the most. And then I hate myself for being so inconsiderate.

"It's ok to be scared sometimes." Kili says seriously. "Fili tells me that sometimes. Thought it was good advice to share with you."

"Your brother is wise."

"Usually," Kili says with a grin. I return that grin.

We sit in a comfortable silence for a while. Kili's eyes are open; his gaze lost on the ceiling. I watch him closely. His pale face is outlined by the deep purple surrounding his eyes. A spot of red, burnt looking skin is sneaking out beneath the beanie that Éowyn made him. His cheeks are beginning to redden due to the fever, yet his hand remains cold. Kili moves his free hand up to rub his head. His eyes close and his grip tightens on my own.

"I get scared a lot." Kili admits after he loosens his grip. He swallows and a lone tear falls down his cheek. He quickly wipes it away and sniffs. Then another tear make its way down his face, followed by another, and another.

I move to sit beside my nephew's head, lean against the headboard, and pull him into a hug. His arms wrap around me. His face is pressed into my chest, where his flowing tears are soaking my cotton sweater.

"Hey. Hey, Kili. It's ok. Let it out. I've got you. I've got you and I'm never letting you go." I bury my face into the top of the cap on his head. I feel the cloth beneath my face moisten and then realize I have been crying, too. I continue to hold Kili close, whispering encouragements in his ear the entire time.

Eventually, I feel his grip slacken and notice that he is no longer crying. Instead, he is sleeping, somewhat peacefully, on me. I carefully untangle one of my arms and reach up to Kili's head. I gently remove the cap and read the letters stitched in large print: CHAMPION. I lay the cap on the bed beside me.

"You're a champ, Kili. You're a winner." I whisper, as I tenderly caress his bald head. I never will get used to seeing him with no hair. But, it will grow back and that brings me hope. I bring the blanket up closer to his neck, and place a gentle kiss on his head. Then, I make myself comfortable and decide that more than anything else, Kili and I need sleep.


	21. Chapter 21

"Good morning." I greet Thorin as he enters the kitchen.

"What time did you get home last night?" Thorin asks, pouring himself a hot mug of coffee.

I take a sip of my coffee. "I think it was around nine thirty."

Thorin pulls out his regular chair at the table and joins me.

"I searched the house and couldn't find either of you." I tell him. "But, then I found this." I stop talking and unlock my phone. I go to my camera roll and tap on the picture. Once it is full screen, I show it to Thorin.

"Don't worry," I say when I see Thorin's wide eyed stare. "I only sent it to Éowyn. She thought it was adorable, by the way."

In the picture, Thorin has a protective hold on Kili's bundled frame. My little brother's head rests on my uncle's strong chest. Thorin's chin rests gently on the top of Kili's bald head. And the both of them are sound asleep.

"How was dinner?" Thorin asks, avoiding the subject of Kili.

"Wonderful. You really didn't have to do that."

"It wasn't me. It was your brother." Thorin corrects me.

I take another sip of my coffee before continuing. "Yesterday was a lot better than I had expected it to be. Thanks for that. I guess I really needed it."

"Good." Thorin simply says. "How did everything go with her uncle?"

"Great," I answer immediately. "He's a very intelligent man. His library is huge; I've never known anyone that could own so many books and know them all by heart. It's fascinating, really."

I smile thinking of his words to me from the previous evening: _"All of these books- all three thousand- they are all made up of the same twenty-six letters. Yet, they all have a different story. Some are stories of knights and mighty dragons; some tell of gruesome battles and significant loss; others tell of newfound love and happiness. So, you see, Fili, anything is possible with an active imagination. You just have to be willing to share your thoughts with the world. You'd be surprised at how many people think like you. Never be afraid to say what you think and feel. Be proud of you are, and you will go places you never imagined were possible."_

"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself." Thorin tells me.

"So," I hate changing the subject, but I need to ask know. "Is Kili all right? I mean, apart from the obvious."

Thorin sighs and wraps his hands around his warm coffee mug. He stares into the contents of the mug for so long that I think he isn't going to answer me, but then he does.

"He wasn't, but I think he is I now. We… talked. It helped him."

I swallow hard, not even bothering to take a drink of my coffee because I know it wouldn't stay down if I tried. I don't bother to ask Thorin to elaborate on what he meant when he said they had "talked." I know what that means, and if that special "talk" is what it would take for Kili to finally come to terms with things, then that would be fine with me. Or, at least, as "fine" as anything can be right now.

"I plan on taking him today. I know you probably aren't going to work, but if you want to join us, feel free to do so. I think Kili would like the extra support anyway." I pause before reluctantly adding, "And, these last few days have been rough. I think I would even like the support."

I sound selfish. I know I do. Thorin and Kili gave me the entire day of yesterday, and here I am still asking for help.

"No, never mind. I don't know what I'm saying. I shouldn't be asking this of you. You stay here. I've got everything under control today. We'll be home around one." I quickly stand and make my way to the sink with my mug.

"Fili." Thorin's deep voice says from behind me.

I drop the mug into the sink, jumping at the loud noise. Thankfully, it doesn't break. I notice for the first time the vicious trembling that is coming from my hands. "Crap." I mutter under my breath.

I turn and walk to the doorway, my eyes never leaving the floor. But, then I stop when a large arm blocks my way and nearly clotheslines me.

"Fili." Thorin lays a strong hand on my shoulder and grips it firmly, but gently.

I take a deep breath, still refusing to look away from the floor. I feel Thorin's other arm gently make its way around my shoulders and soon, my face is buried into his cotton shirt. I refuse to let any tears make their ways from my eyes, and instead take several deep breaths. Once the trembling in my limbs stops, I push myself away from Thorin's hold. His hand gives my shoulder one final squeeze and finally drops.

"I'm not sorry for sending you away yesterday," he tells me. "I am sorry, though, that you feel like you can't talk to me. Fili, it isn't good for your health to keep everything bottled up inside. Talk to me, ok?"

I nod my head. "I will. From now on, no more hiding."

Thorin nods in agreement. "I'm going to shower and get ready. You can go talk to Kili for a while. Oh, I put him back in his own room. He slept through the night, with no problems."

* * *

><p>I listen outside of Kili's door for any indication that he is awake.<p>

Nothing.

I gently push the door open and peek inside. The blinds are closed and curtains drawn, shutting out any light from entering the room. I quietly close the door behind me and walk over to Kili's bed. As usual, he is wrapped in more blankets than any normal person would ever use at one time. Éowyn's cap is on his head, which is resting cozily on his fluffy pillow. He is laying on his stomach, arms buried beneath the pillow, his head turned toward me.

I debate on waking him. He looks so peaceful and innocent when he sleeps. And he doesn't even look close to his seventeen years of age. There is no longer a steady sheen of sweat on his brow and his cheeks no longer have that rosy color- no more fever, thank God.

I run a careful hand over his face, subtly reassuring myself that his fever is definitely gone. He makes a sound and shifts slightly at the touch. I gently massage the back of neck which is exposed beneath the blankets. He sighs contentedly and sinks even further into his pillow.

"Feels good," he whispers.

I smile. "Bout time you woke up."

Kili's brown eyes slowly open. He weakly returns my smile and moves an arm to turn himself over. After a few struggles, he finally succeeds in turning onto his side. He releases a sigh of frustration and then grimaces.

"Are you going to be sick?" I ask in immediate concern.

Kili swallows a few times and closes his eyes. After a few moments, he shakes his head no. He opens his eyes again and pats the space on the mattress beside him. I lay down beside him, facing him.

"How was yesterday?" he asks.

"It was really good. Théoden is a very nice man. He shared his book collection with me and we talked for hours about some of them. He has over three thousand in his collection. I don't think I've ever seen one person own so many books. It's fascinating. He has so many stories to tell."

"Sounds wonderful," Kili teases. I grin, knowing that any talk of books or reading would bore Kili to tears.

"Well, for your information, it was wonderful. Some of us intellectual scholars enjoy talking about things like that- on and on and on, for hours at a time." I tease him back.

Kili scoffs. "Scholar, maybe. But intellectual? That's pushing it."

I gently shove Kili's arm. He grins mischievously.

"Watch it." I jokingly threaten him.

After a moment of silence that isn't interrupted with another snarky remark, I continue. "We went to that dinner you insisted upon paying for. I decided to put your money to good use."

Kili laughs at this. "I think my wallet is feeling worse than I am this morning."

I look at him, trying to decide just how bad he is feeling. He's still pale; eyes dark, but a glimmer of life shines in the chocolate orbs; he looks tired, but not exhausted. All in all, he doesn't look terrible, but definitely not good. But, it's progress.

"I owe you one."

"No, you don't. You've done more than enough for me, Fee." Kili says, suddenly serious.

I look into Kili's eyes. All humor is gone. A rare look of all seriousness, emanating from the depths Kili's soul, has taken over his facial features. A serious Kili is a rare, but beautiful thing.

"I'd do it all again- no questions asked." I tell him, returning his serious gaze.

Kili swallows and nods his head, still not breaking eye contact. "I know."

We lay there in silence for a while. Just thinking about this journey over the past couple of months. Thinking about all that has happened- all that could have happened. Today and tomorrow are supposed to be his last radiation treatments. Wednesday, a CT scan will be done to see the progress of the tumor. If the tumor is determined to be small enough, treatments will be ended. If not…

I choose not to think about this. Kili hasn't endured all of this pain and sickness of treatments for the past month for nothing. Everything will be fine. All of this will become a part of the past. He will be healthy and happy again.

"I love you, brother."

At first, Kili's voice doesn't register in my mind. My thoughts were too distracting. But, then I realize what he has said.

"I love you too, little brother."

I reach out and rub a thumb over Kili's cheek. He closes his eyes in content and scoots closer to me. He lays his head on my chest and soon he is asleep, once again. I look over his head at the clock: _9:15 AM_. I decide Kili can use a little more rest, and lay here with him, holding him close.

_The nightmare is almost over, little brother._ I think to myself, then situate myself and allow Kili to sleep for another thirty minutes.

* * *

><p>The waiting room is silent. The receptionist is on break and the small television that sits in the corner is turned off for some reason. Fili sits in a chair beside me. His eyes are glued to the floor, hands clasped together resting on his knees. The only sounds in the too quiet room are of our breathing.<p>

I jump at the sudden noise of my phone ringing. Fili still stares at the floor. I feel around in my coat pocket for my phone.

I read the caller ID and answer.

"Hello." I stand and walk out to the equally quiet hallway.

"_Where are you? I called the house, but no one answered." _Balin says, somewhat concerned.

"I'm at the hospital—"

"_I'm on my way. Why didn't you call me sooner?"_ Balin interrupts me.

I clear my throat, swallowing my sarcastic words that were about to make their way from my mouth. "Because nothing is the matter. Kili is having one of his treatments."

"_Oh." _Balin says, noticeably calmer. _"Thorin, I know that tone. Are you all right, lad?"_

Of course he would know. Balin always knows. "I will be. When all of this is over."

Balin is silent on the other end of the phone. _"The journey is almost over."_

"That's what I keep telling myself." I lean against the wall for support. "Why were you calling me?"

Balin clears his throat. _"Oh, right. I was just checking on young Kili. We haven't heard anything since Thanksgiving, and, well, we were wondering. Dwalin was making excuses as to why he should make a random visit. You're lucky I was here to talk him down," _he pauses to laugh at the memory. _"He really cares for that reckless kid."_

I smile knowing the complete truth behind that statement. Dwalin cares for few people, and, thankfully, my nephews are on the list. Yes, Dwalin is my best friend. But, family doesn't mean a thing to him. Either he likes you, or he doesn't.

"I know. Kili thinks the world of him. I think the two of you coming over really helped him. But, it's been rough since then. His fever finally broke last night. He's exhausted, but he seems to be in better spirits today. In fact," I stop to look down at my watch, "he should be coming out soon."

"_Very well then. I shall let you go. Give him my best. And Thorin- talk to me whenever you need to, son."_

"I will. Thank you."

When I walk back into the waiting room, Bilbo is rolling Kili out. Fili asks about the treatment. Bilbo confirms that everything went well, and that tomorrow should be the final one. He also adds that if Kili is feeling all right, he can have the CT scan after his final treatment. If not, he can just come in the next day. I thank him for his time and follow Fili as he takes Kili's chair handles and begins to push him from the room.

The car ride is too quiet for my taste. Or, more accurately, the awkward silence is getting under my skin. Kili is resting with his head against the window in the back seat. His eyes are open but focused on nothing as the cars and road pass by us. Fili is doing much the same thing but from the passenger seat. All attempts at conversation were dropped as soon as the fifth failed attempt. That was fifteen minutes ago and I am about to go insane.

I reach over to the radio and turn it on. I press different buttons until I find a station playing Christmas music. As a family, we usually started discussing Christmas plans before Thanksgiving even happened. But, this year, nobody had even mentioned it. Well, now is as good a time as ever.

"I was thinking," I say, breaking the silence. "We should probably be getting the tree out."

And silence. I grip the steering wheel a little tighter and listen to the song. I recognize it as "White Christmas" and begin to sing along. After all, it is a classic, and who doesn't love the classics? Eventually I give up. My attempts at getting the other two to sing along aren't working as planned. We sit the rest of the song in silence.

A few more attempts at conversation and a few more failures put me over the edge. I turn on my turning signal and merge onto the side of the highway.

"What are you doing?" Fili asks, looking at me as if I don't know what I'm doing.

I put the car in park and turn the key off in the ignition.

"Nobody wants to talk, so we'll sit here until someone has something to say." I look into the rearview mirror. Kili is still sitting with his head against the window, looking longingly out the window.

Fili opens his mouth to say something, then changes his mind. He turns to look out the window once again. In all honesty, maybe this isn't the best decision. It is thirty degrees outside and the heater was feeling rather nice. After a few minutes, I hear shifting in the backseat.

"It's freezing in here." Kili says, trying to curl into himself for warmth. "Can't we be stubborn and silent with the heat on?"

One look at his face is all it takes for me to turn the car back on. But, I still resist driving away.

"Why are you two so quiet all of a sudden?" I ask my nephews.

Fili turns around to look at Kili, who is rubbing his arms trying to find warmth and looking out the window. Fili turns back to me and gives me a look. "Just thinking, I guess," he mumbles.

I thought as much. They are both concerned on the future plans. I, too, am thinking about tomorrow, but have a more positive look-out. The two of them must be worried about what tomorrow will bring.

Am I worried? Not really. For some reason, I just have a feeling that all of this is going to be over and done with. And, if I'm going to be honest, I believe it will all become a part of the past and Kili will be healthy and happy once again. I look forward to seeing that wide smile and those lively eyes, full of mischief and joy. And that laugh- so full of his carefree spirit. Yes, that Kili will be making a reappearance soon and permanently. He isn't going anywhere ever again.

"I think you have nothing to worry about. I just have a feeling, boys. Everything is going to work out. There is nothing to fear." I say, with my best _I'm-the-greatest-and-smartest-uncle-ever _voice.

Fili turns to me with a real smile on his face. It's small, but it's there.

"How about that Kee? Even Thorin's in a positive mood." Fili asks his brother.

Kili gives a half-hearted laugh from the backseat. "Thorin? Being an optimist? Maybe we should take advantage of this." A familiar glimmer of mischief makes an appearance in his eyes.

"How about we don't and say we did." I suggest, putting the car in drive and pulling back out onto the highway before they can overcome me.

Fili turns around to his brother and soon the two of them are laughing. I roll my eyes and try to brace myself for the oncoming devious plans they have no doubt just made. Granted, no words have been spoken, but I believe that those two have a telepathic bond.

"Here we go…" I mumble under my breath.


	22. Chapter 22

Thorin was forced to go to work this morning. So, all plans for the three of us to spend the day together were cancelled inevitably.

Now, I sit in the waiting area: palms sweating, hands shaking, legs bouncing. For the life of me, I cannot stop fidgeting. I feel something soft grab my hand, and look over into Éowyn's comforting eyes. She smiles softly at me and grabs my hand a little tighter.

I instantly feel calm, almost whole, with her touch. I bring our clasped hands up to my lips and lightly kiss the back of hers before placing my arm around her. After Thorin had told us that he couldn't make it today, I immediately called Éowyn, knowing Kili wouldn't mind. And I also wanted the extra support. Yes, I could have called Balin or anybody really, but I wanted to spend more time with her before she leaves tomorrow. And, if it means sitting in a hospital for a few hours, I am ok with that.

I think back to the phone call last night. I had hesitantly asked her, telling her that I knew she probably wouldn't want to spend her last day in Ered Luin sitting in a hospital for a few hours. She cut me off, rather angrily actually, appalled at the thought that I would think she wouldn't enjoy it. After some stern words, I got my voice back and immediately changed the subject. She arrived at the front door at precisely 9:45 this morning.

"Fili?"

I look up at the mention of my name. The receptionist is calling to me from behind the little nurses' station window. "Yes."

"Doctor Baggins just called me and said Kili requested to go in for his CT scan. Sorry I couldn't have warned you sooner. If you want, you can wait there. It will be about forty-five minutes."

I thank her and look at Éowyn. She stands, never letting go of my hand, and we walk down the hall.

"Hello, Fili. They just took Kili in. He should be getting situated right now."

I smile at the warm greeting from the receptionist, still Galadriel.

"Thank you. We'll just wait here." I smile at her and say.

"There's a fresh pot of coffee back here. I usually don't share it," she says with a sneaky grin, "but I think I can today. After all, we are celebrating."

I look at Éowyn. She nods her head. "Thank you very much. Coffee sounds wonderful right now."

Galadriel disappears for a few moments before returning to the windowsill. She places to Styrofoam cups of coffee on the counter. I grab them and walk back over to where Éowyn is sitting. I hand her one and take my place beside her.

Thirty minutes later, someone clears his throat. I look up to see Doctor Baggins standing in the doorway, a solemn look on his face. I visibly shrug, the color drains from my face; all hope is lost. Éowyn grips my hand firmly in hers and rubs my arm.

"Can you come with me, please?" Bilbo asks.

I stand, knowing Éowyn is right beside me, and follow the doctor to that old conference room. The very same room from the first meeting. The meeting of the diagnosis. I look at the closed door, read the small sign, and swallow hard.

The door opens and I walk over immediately to where Kili is sitting at the table. His head is down, hands clasped together in his lap, and refuses to look away from the window to his right. He doesn't even acknowledge our presence.

Bilbo sets a file down on the table. He pulls out some photographs and begins to study them. I can only assume he is thinking over the best way of breaking the news to us. Maybe he thinks if he chooses the correct words, he can restore all of the hope I've lost. Little does he know, he can't.

"Well," he finally says. "Do you want good news or bad news first?"

"Bad," I spit out without thinking over the question. Seeing that Kili isn't going to give a response, the doctor clears his throat once more.

"Well, the bad news is, I won't be seeing you for a very long time." The doctor says.

I swallow the frog that is inevitably lodged in my throat. I slump further into my chair. My hands begin to shake and my breathing quickens. Éowyn's strong grip on my hand is the only thing keeping me here. Beside me, Kili still doesn't make a sound.

What does this mean? We have to go to another, new specialist? What possible new problems could have occurred? Haven't these treatments helped? Isn't my _little brother_, my _life_, isn't _he_ going to be ok? This can't be happening.

"And, the good news is," Bilbo looks up from the papers. "You won't be seeing anybody for a very long time." A large, brilliant smile suddenly beams from his face. "Kili, you're healed."

A choked gasp leaves my mouth. Éowyn's moves up and down my arm. I can see a smile on her face out of my peripheral vision. I want to turn, to see her face to clarify that what I just heard is true. But, I can't. My eyes are glued to the man in front of me; the man with the PhD who has just confirmed that my little brother is ok- not _going to be_, but _is_ ok. The smile on his face doesn't falter as he turns his head and stands. He mumbles something about giving us a moment and that he'll be right outside. Éowyn stands and walks out with him.

When the door shuts behind them, I finally turn my eyes away from the now empty chair and to my right. Kili is looking out the window, seeming completely oblivious to what has just been happening around him. The only indication that he is coherent is the single tear that is now falling down his cheek.

"Kee," I say, trying to get him to acknowledge me.

He sniffs and still refuses to turn around.

"It's over." He whispers into the silence.

Then the floodgates open and he turns around to face me. I get up and wrap my arms around him, holding him tightly and never wanting to let him go. The tears are streaming down my face as well, soaking the cap on the top of Kili's head.

"It's over. It's over, Kee." I say repeatedly hugging him tighter and feeling him do the same. "You did it."

"No," he says, sniffing and wiping the tears from his face, as he leans back to look at me. "We did it."

I pull him into another tight hug, probably squeezing the breath out of him. I kiss the top of his head and rest my cheek there for a few moments, just letting it all sink in. The feeling of relief beyond words. It almost leaves a hollow hole in my heart. Almost. Completely speechless and emotions somewhat in control, Kili releases his hold on me. I do the same. I grab my coat and help him put his on as well.

We step out into the waiting room and are bombarded with loud exclamations of "CONGRATULTIONS!" and a chorus of hand clapping. Kili's face splits into a dazzling, genuine smile. It matches those of the surrounding nurses, radiologists, therapists, the receptionist, and of course, the great doctor.

Éowyn walks over to Kili and wraps him into a hug, kissing him lightly on the cheek. She whispers something to him and he laughs as he hugs her back. She relinquishes her hold on him and steps over to me. Her arms wrap around my waist and I pull her in for a tight embrace.

Bilbo steps directly in front of Kili and smiles. "I want you to know, how very proud I am of you. It hasn't been easy, this journey. But, alas, you have completed it and are victorious. You slayed that dragon of a tumor, though it put up quite the fight. But you, Kili Durin, are a champion." He points to the cap on Kili's head, reading the word which has become Kili's new nickname.

Without any warning, Kili suddenly lunges forward and grabs Bilbo in a quick, but firm hug. The startled doctor stares at the random kid latched on to him and awkwardly moves his hands in the air. But, after a moment, he smiles and gives Kili a light hug back. Kili stands back and looks him in the eye, trying but failing to portray all of his gratitude for the doctor and his help.

"Thank you. It isn't enough, but thank you."

Bilbo smiles kindly and pats him on the back. "That is all the thanks I need. You are a very special young man. I'm glad to have shared this arduous journey with you."

"We are so thankful for your help and support along the way. Your kindness and compassion has meant more to me, to _all_ of us, than words can ever say. I couldn't have done this without you," Kili says. I am astonished at his verbose character. Normally, words aren't in Kili's forte, unless of course, the subject is girls.

"It was my pleasure. I'm sure I'll see you. We need to run tests every few months to make sure everything is still fine, which I'm positive, it will be. But, sometimes we have to take that extra precaution."

Kili smiles. "Me too."

I step forward and shake the doctor's hand. "Thank you, again. You've become a part of all our lives. Thank you for the talks and listening. I'll do my best to follow your wise advice."

Bilbo chuckles assuring me that it was no problem and that he wishes us all the best. He added a wink with a quick look to Éowyn at the last bit. We both blush.

We say our goodbyes and make our way to the car. Kili, still tired from his final treatment, is walking with a slight spring in his step. I can't seem to stop smiling and he can't do the same. Éowyn and I walk hand-in-hand, watching him practically bounce down the parking lot.

"So," I say as I slide into the driver's seat. "I think we should make a surprise visit to Thorin's office. Of course, if you don't mind." I add looking in Éowyn's direction where she is sitting in the passenger seat.

"Of course not. But will he mind you interrupting his work schedule?" she asks.

Kili laughs from the backseat. "He will be _thanking_ us. He has meetings all day. If we can time it right, he should be going on his lunch break."

"All right. Let's go."

* * *

><p><em>Just let it be over. Just let this day be over.<em>

Three meetings with three ridiculous clients. Just three long meetings listening to three ridiculous clients talk about their issues of which I am trying to help solve but apparently failing to do so miserably.

And not a word from the boys. Nothing.

Needless to say, if today doesn't get better soon, I might be calling Dori to come bail me out of a jail cell somewhere.

I rub my hands over my stressed face and take a few calming breaths. I tap my phone screen for what seems like the thousandth time today and sigh in frustration with no text or missed call from the boys. I see the time and decide I'm going to make my break useful and get some lunch. Or at least more coffee.

I almost scream when I hear the knocking on my office door. Dori pokes his head around the corner.

"What?" I ground out.

He overlooks my obvious frustration and continues. "You've got another person here to see you."

"No, I don't. I'm going to lunch. They'll have to wait." I say grabbing my coat, phone, and car keys.

Dori looks at the items in my hand and shakes his head. "I don't think you have much of a choice with this one."

I throw my coat back on the chair and follow Dori down the hallway to the foyer. I don't bother to put my frown away. I do, however, manage to keep my mouth sealed tight, knowing that whatever would come out if it were open would be highly unpleasant and unprofessional.

Right before turning the corner, I begrudgingly hide the frown. I don't replace it with a smile, but still, the frown is gone. I take another deep breath and look up from the floor.

"I hope you don't treat your other clients like this." Kili says with fake indignation.

I look at him for a moment, not answering, trying to decide just why he is in my office. And more importantly, why he is alone. He seems to notice my unasked question and answers it.

"I asked him to drop me off. I thought we could grab lunch together."

"Ok…" I look at him skeptically. "I won't have time to take you home afterwards, so if you can promise to be quiet and do no damage, you can stay here."

Kili holds up three fingers. "Scouts honor."

He continues to look at me, no doubt taking in the obvious expression on my face. The one I often wear when it's been a rough day.

"Don't you want to know what happened?" he asks, uncharacteristically quiet. He almost sounds offended that I haven't asked sooner.

Contrary to my optimism from yesterday, I have turned to my normal pessimistic ways. Today's stress hasn't done any good for that attitude. I can't tell him that though. He needs me to support him and show him I'm still that optimistic uncle.

I clear my throat and look up from the floor, meeting his eye. "What happened?"

A small smile breaks out on his face, followed by a few glistening tears falling from his eyes and rolling down his cheeks.

"Kili?" I ask, my voice high from the disbelief.

He nods his head slowly and the smile grows even wider. "I'm free."

My knees grow wobbly at the news. My mouth hangs open, no air coming in or going out. My eyes stare at my nephew with unbelief. I begin to shake. I can't breathe. Oh, crap. I'm not breathing.

"Uncle!" Kili exclaims in concern walking over to me.

I take in a large gasp of air, refilling my lungs and giving me new energy. I look at Kili, who is now standing rather close to my face. His, of which, is masked with concern.

I reach out and grab him into a tight embrace, fearing that if I let go I will wake up and find that this is all a dream. I tuck his head protectively under my chin and move one of my hands up to the back of his head, holding him closer. His arms untangle themselves from where they are crushed between the two of us and he slowly wraps them around me, holding on to my shaking frame. Eventually the choking sobs turn into a deep laughter. I don't know why, it just happens. Kili begins to laugh too and pushes himself away from me.

"I can't believe it." I say, cupping the back of his neck and squeezing it gently. "I am so proud of you, Kili. I wish I could have done more. I wasn't there when you needed me the most, and—"

"Stop." He cuts me off. "You were always there, like you always are. Maybe not all the time or when you want to be, but you are and that's all that matters. I couldn't have done this without you."

I can't stop staring at him, just letting it all sink in. I pull him in for one more, quick embrace.

He mumbles something into my shoulder, and when I can't understand what it is, I ask him to repeat himself.

"I love you, Uncle."

"I love you too, Kili. Always."

Dori pops back into the room shortly after and offers his congratulations. Kili thanks him and takes a glance outside to the parking lot.

"Now, about lunch…"

Kili's eyes light up at the mention of food. "I'll buy. C'mon, I'm hungry."

I go back to my office to retrieve my things and follow Kili back out to the car.

"So, where are we going?" I ask sliding into the drivers' seat.

Kili looks at me with an exasperated expression. "Like you really have to ask."

"Bombur's it is!"

* * *

><p>"That's it. That's the last box." I say as I set the last box of Christmas decorations in the living room floor. Dori insisted Thorin call it quits early and go home. So, after he and Kili had gotten home, Éowyn and I started bringing up the decorations from the basement. She has hesitated when we asked her to stay and celebrate with us. But, after a few reassurances that she wouldn't be imposing and some convincing pleas from Kili, she caved in.<p>

Now, the fire is roaring in the fireplace and Christmas music is playing softly in the background. Kili and Thorin are trying to assemble the tree, sorting out the branches by lengths and trying to shape them. Normally, we would have a real tree, but due to Kili's immune system, it's not the safest option. But, the fake tree works just as well.

Thorin looks up from the branch he is currently shaping. "Ok, thank you. I think we've got this right here."

Kili places a branch into its respected hole on the tree stand. "Yeah, we've got—Look!"

Kili points to the window and the three of us turn to see what he is suddenly so interested in.

The first snowflakes of the season are beginning to fall from the gray sky and are making their ways to the soft, cold ground. Though Kili prefers the summer season, the first snowfall of the winter always excites him. I mean, really- who doesn't like snow?

As if on cue, Bing Crosby begins crooning over the radio in the background. _"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas everywhere you go…"_

Beside me, Éowyn pulls a mug of hot cocoa up to her mouth and takes a sip. "So, what do you want for Christmas?"

I look around the room, taking it all in: Kili laughing as he assembles the tree; Thorin laughing along with my brother and singing along with the radio; the feeling of happiness and peace and joy; the snow falling outside the window; the smell of the burning wood in the fireplace; the feel of Éowyn leaning into my side.

"I have everything I need," I say looking her in the eye and pulling her closer. "Right here."


	23. Chapter 23 - Epilogue

_Epilogue_

Five months- that's how long it's been since Kili's final treatment. Five months since he was proclaimed tumor free. It's been a slow healing process, but is going smoothly due to Kili's new positive attitude. Actually, we've all changed for the better. We face each day with no worries of what may come, and instead embrace it and look forward to the new things that will be thrown at us.

Kili goes in once a month for a CT scan just to keep things checked. Bilbo is always happy to see us and tries to keep updated with our lives. He still offers some of the greatest advice and is an even better listener.

Éowyn visits Ered Luin at least twice a month. I'm hoping to make it permanent when she visits in July. I figure a wedding proposal will be the one birthday gift she refuses to return.

Thorin's law firm is still running in full force. The poor guy just can't catch a break sometimes, but he appreciates it and loves his job, so I guess it all works out for the best.

And me, well, I'm going to back to school in the fall. I have been debating moving back to campus for some time now, but after a very long talk with Kili, he convinced me that it was the best. And that we both desperately needed a break from each other. At that part, we had both burst into fits of laughter because we absolutely loathe being apart from each other. But, he insisted that it would be best at least for a semester. I argued enough that he decided that if I hated it after a semester, I would be allowed to come back home and just continue with online classes.

And now, as I sit under the warm May sun on the bank of the lake, with a fishing pole in one hand and a book in the other, I think life couldn't get much better than this. Thorin is sitting to my left, talking to Kili about something. Beside him is Kili, fishing pole in hand and a wide smile on his face.

"I got something!" Kili exclaims, standing up so fast I think he is going to fly away. He reels it in and sure enough, a large catfish is attached to the end of the line. He takes it off and holds it from the lip. Tufts of his dark, curly hair are sticking out beneath his baseball cap. He gives the cheesiest grin possible as he poses with the fish for a picture.

I roll my eyes and laugh at his ridiculous expression and lay back on the bank, soaking in the sun.

This- my brother and uncle and a warm summer sun- this is all I need. Life is good.

* * *

><p>If you've made it to the end- first off, thank you so much!<p>

I will virtually high five you for reading this nonsense that was the result of a ridiculously boring summer.

Thanks for the reviews, comments, and whatever else you've given me.

I bet nobody actually reads this story, so this is just going to be rambling to myself.

If you have read the entire thing though, leave "Cats are the coolest." in the comments section. That would be swell ;)

Anyway, thanks, all you beautiful people! And more importantly, thanks you J.R.R. Tolkien for giving us these beautiful characters :)

God bless! xoxox :)


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